Inadvertently reported myself to Social Services

[Sophds]

Right not sure where to start.

Basically through a combination of issues including a failed business (through no fault of my own), job loss (my partner) and a particularly difficult pregnancy me and my SO have found ourselves in some quite serious financial difficulty.

This combined with some past poor financial decisions we had previously been able to just about manage it all finally came to a head yesterday where a bailiff turned up to take possession of a vehicle.

I decided to research as much financial help as I could just to tide us over whilst my partner goes through a particularly arduous recruitment process and wait for the first month’s salary.

During my research I was under the impression that councils had a discretionary fund so I reached out to the general contact line and received a call back today for a home visit for what I assumed was to assess need.

Lo and behold a Social Worker has turned up and during the visit she asked the sort of questions I would have expected in the situation but then she sort of forced (and I mean forced) a conversation with my little one aged 7 who was engrossed in her tablet at the time.

The convo was along the lines of…

SW: ”Hey (child’s name)”
LO: “What?” (As in ‘I didn’t hear what you said’ not ‘what do you want’)
SW: ”I’m a Social Worker”
LO: “What’s that?”
SW: faux surprise “You don’t know what a Social Worker is!?”
LO: “No”
SW: “I make sure families and children are happy and safe, are you happy?”
LO: “Yes”

Also upon leaving, passing LO’s bedroom, she made a specific and deliberate effort to stop at the doorway of her room to say bye. Not that I have any issue with her saying goodbye but it was a little more than a fleeting goodbye as it would be with most strangers.

Now I have quite a long intermittent history with social services during childhood due to my home environment(s) but this all obviously stopped when I turned 18. My childhood is something that causes me frequent anxiety and something I have been in therapy for. Part of this healing process meant submitting an FOI request for my notes last year to fill in the considerable memory blanks I have. Due to this I’ve sort of seen how Social Workers see things and the sort of things that get written about your home environment through a strangers eyes.

Now whilst it’s not something I would raise with the Social Worker for fear of sounding hostile or obstructive I found the situation today quite violating and unexpected. Particularly as I know specific conversations and behaviours from Social Workers aren’t clumsy or random but specific and deliberate. For something like transient financial difficulty to trigger the introduction of a social worker in to my LO’s life, particularly as we’ve been shielding her from our monetary issues, feels a bit much.

I don’t know if a lot of how I feel is related to my own childhood or if even a social worker turning up is because of it I don’t know.

I do have an issue with the fact she didn’t identify herself as a social worker before visiting and also the fact she identified herself to LO as one unprompted.

As I touched on I’m not worried that the Social Worker will find any issue with LO’s home life/emotional and physical well-being hence why I don’t want to query it with the Social Worker and just let them satisfy themselves whatever she needs to satisfy herself with but I have found it a bit much.

I don’t know, just not sure what to feel right now just wondered how others would feel if they ended up in this situation? Am I just overthinking it?

I hope things improve for you.

It's not the same situation, but DH and I were told we would be referred to social services because my DD had an accident (she pulled a nearly-boiling cup of tea off the kitchen side onto herself and got second degree burns).

I felt really upset by it - angry, guilty, worried I'd be judged, distracted by the thought of having to have appointments with a bloody social worker instead of dealing with my DD.

To take all the emotion out of it, I tried to think about it that it was supposed to just check to see if we needed extra help, and that there might be some kids who would otherwise slip through the net if these blanket rules weren't followed. In your situation, they are making sure your family don't need extra help alongside the financial. Lots of families are crippled by problems post-covid.

There's no extra team of 'financial distress officers' or similar - it is social workers who look after these requests. They're checking there's no neglect, not accusing you of it. It does feel weird but to some extent your childhood is informing your anxiety, though I can see why that is. I hope they give you the financial help you need.

I think you are overthinking, BUT, I think this is totally natural and normal particularly considering your history, of course it would make you more wary of social workers than most people. And actually, even somebody without a trauma history would find it invasive and frightening to have a social worker in their house. Even though we know that they are there to support us, as a parent you can't just switch off the instinctive fear of losing your child. Social workers trigger that fear, however nice and nonjudgemental they might be, we know deep down that they do have the power to judge us and potentially find us lacking, and that activates that instinct. I think it's a totally natural response (and often comes as a shock, if you've not realised that you would react that way).

I'm sure that it won't come to anything but it does sound stressful, and I'm sorry that it was sprung on you without warning.

Social worker is very generic and doesn't necessarily mean child protection type services. Possibly she just wanted to acknowledge your child or a general check over is part of the job description. Did she offer help around financial and related support?

This is why I would never apply to those things as I’ve seen them as well but I’m pretty sure it will flag you up to social services so I’ve always avoided!

You’re overthinking it.
social workers are available for a lot of reasons, assessment to see what help is needed is one of them.

Here's one for you took my 13 yr old to casualty a few months ago asthma attack..he was nearly collapsing at reception desk and started vomiting. I got a total blank on my full home address since we had just moved a month previous.Later that evening they said oh we referred to social services as you didn't seem sure of your address to make sure son does have stable home for his health..I explained my mind went blank, I also have autism which if I get stressed my mind will also blank. Anyways two days later social called. I explained it all to her and she said the amount of services that are wasting there time making stupid reports was unbelievable. Anyway after a 5min phone call she said they won't bother me again she understood my autism and also the situation was stressful and that never im my life have I had to deal with them. But what a waste of time referring when they could actually be helping families who do need help.

You contacted the council and you knew someone was coming out to do a home assessment.

Who did you think would be doing the assessment if not social care ??

@LadyJ2023 I disagree with you completely. A report to social services is never a waste of time. Kids in abusive homes are very very rarely caught because of something obvious. It's almost always because of a 'stupid' report.
There are countless victims of trafficking and abuse for whom a blank on a question about their address would be a good indicator they need help. Lucky for you it wasn't.
Everytime a child dies because of a SS failure, people are up in arms about it. How could they miss it. It was so obvious.
I always think of people like you who think a report and check is a waste of time just because it hurt your ego and you felt silly.

How old are your children because tbh I have found they don't give much of a crap if they are older . I was referred by my sister and tbh at the time I really needed support, all I was offered was flim flam crap, never actually saw a social worker, early intervention types. I was honest with them and they helped a bit, with a couple of grants, but they seemed eager to almost see the best in me, explain away any problems it was all very confusing.

I basically had a nervous breakdown, couldn't lift my head off the pillow, took me hours to decide what the kids would have for tea . Had no help ex was crap, family made things worse. Still no social worker! Not sure how we got through it.

Yeah but how do they know the difference between what they see and the reality of the situation. It’s not a stupid referral if they have cause for concern.

@Nevermindthesquirrels
I agree with the importance of referrals as so many things are missed but disagree with this sentence:

just because it hurt your ego and you felt silly

I had a malicious allegation made about me. The SW was lovely, did their job investigating and it was deemed malicious quickly and the case closed.
BUT afterwards I didn’t feel silly or have a hurt ego, I felt a deep sense of shame and felt completely traumatised by the process.
It affected my mental health significantly for a couple of years. I couldn’t even attend medical appointments for dc or parents evenings for a while as I’d have a panic attack (my dh went instead so they were still attended).
It also made me very withdrawn and distrusting.

@HappyBinosaur I appreciate it may have done for you, but I was commenting on the OPs situation, not yours.
I don't doubt that malicious allegations have a long lasting impact on some parents, however if you have been cleared than I don't see how this is in any way a reflection of your parenting, but I understand that's little solace when you're deep into a mental health problem.
As cold as this may sound, children's social work is there to keep children safe, not worry about the effect the process has on adults.

@Nevermindthesquirrels I think it was the fact I didn’t tell anyone it had happened that perpetuated the sense of shame and I worried people would think there was no smoke without fire. Also the fact it was malicious made me struggle with trust! It was someone I had upset at work by challenging their attitude about something and this is how she reacted.
I am ok now but it really affected me badly, despite my mental health being pretty good prior to the allegation.
I absolutely agree with you about children coming first with safeguarding and I’ve had to make referrals myself at work; it was only the very flippant way you mentioned the potential effect on parents that touched a nerve.

I was the same 😂 I had a lovely one through pregnancy. I have a history of mental illness like 5 years ago..and with a complicated pregnancy it put me at a high risk of developing postnatal depression illnesses.

Oh my did I freak, I just thought they judge and take children, I thought they were accusing me of being a bad mum before I had a chance due to PTSD 😂but no they were lovely, they were just around for a few months to purely put support in place and direct me to help if I needed it.. they were actually a godsend!

I was reported to social services 🤷‍♀️

never had any involvement with them before, despite growing up on an estate on the North East where SW are basically kiddie snatchers.

was regarding a relative, not a child, so possibly a little less stressful. But sat for an hour and answered every question. The outcome was that actually we now have some significant referrals that should help enormously.

however, that was just the home assessment. Safeguarding is a completely separate investigation and our sw has no involvement in that (other than to report any SG issues she may have picked up on). That will look at abuse and whether any protection measures need putting in place.

it’s more than likely a box ticking thing- she’s checked your child, child is fine. Can you imagine if she did a home visit and didn’t do the basic check that your child is fit and well? She’ll only refer to safeguarding if there are any worries.

And there lies the exact problem with these services.

If she didn't reveal she is a social worker until she spoke to your child, how did she introduce herself to you at the front door?