Just a habit or OCD traits in 5 year old.

[Whoneedssleepanyway5amclub]

Background - DH has some slight OCD traits, he isn't severe just some rituals that he cannot stop, more tapping and noises, he does them no matter what I say or ask and sometimes in front of the children which he can't help and I understand but it's really not extreme or very noticeable.

Now my five year old DD over the last year has started some things that I don't know if they are just little habits that she likes to do or if it's more. I'm aware I might be hyper-alert because of DH.

When we say goodbye to eachother for work, school, clubs she has to go though a series of things - first a kiss, then a hug, a high five, a fist pump, saying 'good bye my lovely sweet mummy', then me "good bye my lovely sweet girl" then another kiss and hug. It has to be in that order. If its not in that order we have to start it again. Sometimes I'm in a rush in the morning and say DD we don't need all that, you know I love you, a kiss and a hug is enough but she will absolutely melt down (which she never usually does) she literally will beg me to say the words and to give her that order before I leave. Same thing at bed time after a book, a song and a story.
If DH leaves for night shift while she is at a club she will cry for an hour that she didn't get to say goodbye to him- meaning her wee routine. Her bedtime is 7pm but if DH is going to work at 8pm she lies awake in her bed and then as soon as the door opens she races down the stairs to do the routine before he can leave.

I've tried various way to not do it or to do an alternative but it ends up her dropping to the floor screaming if I leave without her set way. It's easier just to do it and I really don't mind as it takes 2 minutes but it's multiple times per day, she loves all her clubs and sports but if I didn't do that at the doorway she literally wouldn't go in and I'd have to bring her home because she would be inconsolable.

There's lots of other day to day bits along similar lines but nothing she feels as severely passionate about than the goodbye routine.

Just wondering, am I overthinking it? just keep doing her way or keep trying to explain we don't need to do that everytime and enforce it? I don't want to cause her that distress. Or similar things that children maybe grow out of?

I would say from what you have written that this isn’t ocd traits or self soothing etc but little kid imitating responsible adult without realising it.
Unfortunately I don’t think you can do much except draw your husbands attention to the impact of his behaviours and see whether he can get more help to manage them.
In my experience it can develop into a difficult to shift habit in little ones, even though he may have none of the associated anxiety around it that ocd sufferers experience.

I would go for as much distraction as possible. Gently avoid some of the

Some of the behaviours and routines

Thanks for your reply, I was thinking the same however it's appears so unlike anything that he does to be environmental.

Me and DH have had many of arguments about this, trying to be sensitive to him aswell, we were at least a year in before I realised that's what it was for him and I have a good bit of experience around people with severe forms of OCD through my job, but his is very subtle, but I suppose very noticeable once you know. But maybe your right that she has picked up on it and this is her form.

Also, you know what, I think it can be a normal phase as well, you remember that time when little children start to realise they are separate to their mums?

😭😭 no I didn't realise this was a stage, she is my first born so learning as we go but thank you

Just keep your eye on it, could be something or nothing.
I have OCD and the order of your DD's routine (the kiss, hug, high 5 thing) and restarting if it wasn't in order I can relate to.

Does she have separation anxiety at all? This could be a coping strategy - a way to set herself up mentally for the separation?