"They don't like me"

[Mouscadoo]

This is a bit long but if you could read and offer any advice i would be grateful. Feeling very sad following a conversation with my DD(3) today. We had been in the playground and there was lots of children of different ages there. She spent a lot of time following a group of children around who were a mix of ages but mostly between 4/5/6 I would say.

Normally I would go around the playground with her but she wanted to play and I didn't want to hover. So just kept an eye from a distance.

When we left I asked her did she have fun with the kids and she said "yes but I didn't want them to leave". I asked what did she mean and she said "they didn't like me, they kept running away from me". She was so upset and I in turn am very upset for her. It really hurt my heart.

Is there anything I should do in this instance. I didnt know how to respond. She always gravitates towards older kids who aren't always interested in her. Did anyone else experience this with their child. She is very smart, very well spoken for her age and I think that's why she is drawn to older kids. I was bullied in school so it's bringing up some feelings for me also. Thanks in advance!

I would really recommend the podcast Good Inside. I listened to an episode about just this recently and it had so much amazing advice (which I won't be able to do justice here). I highly recommend having a listen.

My DD has always hankered after playing/hanging out with older children. She once hovered by a group of raucous tweens who were lounging on swings at the park, who were obviously not keen to play with a 4yr old!

In these instances, when she was miffed or upset, I would just say something like

“sometimes children prefer to play with others their own age. You are a bit younger than them. I get it that you’re feeling sad about it, that’s okay...
And then remind her of friends she has at preschool etc etc. It’s also okay for other children to play with who they choose.

Basically that it’s fine to feel left out and sad about it, and remind her that she does have friends who love having fun with her.

If I could see DD chasing after a group and them not engaging with her and moving away i would have gone in and redirected her. It’s not fair on either party.

Exactly this. You need to step in - a lot of older kids will reject younger ones. Not nice, but very common. I would have actually played with her rather than Just stood watching her.