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Three year old headbutting newborn!

3 replies

caggie3 · 09/02/2023 19:00

3 year old has been very enthusiastic with newborn and is wanting to kiss his head every couple of minutes but he's being a bit rough and heavy handed and if we say that, or try and put distance between him and the baby or ask him to be gentle he will just headbutt him, he's done it twice where he's made an impact and 20+ times where we've thankfully prevented the heads actually touching but I'm a bag of nerves about him hurting the baby and not sure how to handle it. Tonight we told him to be gentle and he tried to headbutt the baby again, my husband was holding him and got up and walked off so 3 year old got up ran over to our dog and headbutted him as hard as he could. I know he's adjusting to a newborn but this behaviour is really alarming and it's not something I know how to address. What can I do what is the best way to handle it? He realises quickly that he's done a bad thing and says sorry and starts asking us if we're happy, I just don't know how to get him to stop doing it. Obviously the baby will not be left unattended near him at any point.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Soubriquet · 09/02/2023 19:02

It’s a massive change for him seeing his mum who he had solely, suddenly having to care for a newborn.

Try and ensure you have some time together alone with him. No baby.

Porkyporkchop · 09/02/2023 19:05

When he is being kind make a really big fuss of him. You could buy him a toy from “baby” to say thank you for being a lovely brother. He is adjusting to change and needs to feel part of the family in a new, exciting way. Things will calm down OP but be vigilant in the meantime

MollyMunster · 09/02/2023 19:15

He’s angry and frightened, and this is all completely age appropriate behaviour. He’ll get better with time.

Definitely give him plenty of one on one time. Wear baby in the sling as much as possible, don’t use a bouncer when big brother is around.

When he approaches baby I would prepare to move away and remind him “we’re gentle to each other in this family”; if he leans in, stand up and leave and repay the same thing once, but don’t make a fuss.

Put the dogs bed in another room if this is becoming a habit.

Keep his routine the same as much as possible. Keep boundaries in place - try not to do too much screen time and snacks to keep him quiet (I know that’s hard). Take a firm but kind stance on boundary-pushing in general.

I suppose the main point - be firm, confident, and living. Show him you understand he is struggling but you have confidence that he will learn to be a kind big brother with your support. He’s scared, he needs to know you have this in hand.

This is what we did in the end for our 3 year old, after a few months of misery all round. It helped a lot, and she’s happy again. Janet Lansbury’s podcast might be worth a listen, she talks sense about this stuff in my opinion.

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