Breastfeeding woes 😢

[drV]

This is my first time posting in the parenting section.. please be kind🙏😭

I gave birth only two weeks ago and our little baby girl is a rainbow baby; very much needed and loved.

She was born prematurely and is still struggling to latch on.. when she successfully latched on, still doesn't have enough strength to breastfeed properly. Her feeding episodes are often around 10 mins, after which she falls asleep is almost impossible to be woken up. Due to ask these complications and neonatal jaundice, she lost 14% of her birth weight which horrified me and sent me spiralling into my already difficult to handle anxiety🥺

We were in hospital for a day during the peak of jaundice but they sent us back without phototherapy because she started getting better. Since then she has been on a strict feeding regime. To be fed atleast 50ml of milk per feed, every 3 hours..

My milk started coming in on day 3 and now I am pumping, giving top ups with either expressed breast milk/ formula feeds. Due to sleeplessness, pumping is seeming harder and harder every day. But I have been told by the midwives to persevere or else my milk supply would fall and I will have to give up the idea of breastfeeding totally and stick to formula feeds. It's kind of threatening and my mental health is seriously getting affected by day. I am crying most of the times and anxiety levels are through the roof😭

Every time I try to talk to a midwife/ heath visitor, I have been shamed for being cowardly and giving up; when I am not really giving up😭 I haven't got a single practical solution to this issue other than being scared and shamed.

I have started losing hope of breastfeeding, which is torturing me badly. Please somebody give me some hope/ advice it's going to be alright one day😭

Please don't be too hard on yourself. Keep going with the breastfeeding and top up with formula as you need to. You are doing a great job! X

I don't understand why you're pumping- is it so you can measure how much your DC is getting?

You could help DC feed by doing breast compressions once they're latched on though it might make your let down too fast for DC. YouTube is your friend for these.

15% weightless in ebf babies is within (although the top of) the normal range and someone should have told you that - it sounds like they haven't.

It's also normal for babies to fall asleep while breastfeeding. If she's waking within the 3 hours then it's fine.

Offer the breast all the time when she's awake (like literally every 5 minutes). Also Google "flipple technique" to help with latching on

How much do you want or need to breastfeed? I would always encourage mums to do it and help solve their problems (I was a bf counsellor) but it sounds like you are being very hard on yourself both mentally and physically. If formula top ups are what your little one needs to build up strength, then that’s what she should have. It doesn’t mean you will have to stop if you don’t want to. Look after yourself 💐

I’ve just re read and you’re not feeding her as she’s struggling to latch? Only pumping does not stimulate supply as much as actual feeding, so you may find your supply doesn’t increase in line with what she needs. Again, give the formula top ups but try to get her to latch as well. Maybe after she’s had some formula so she isn’t frantically hungry?

Also, it sounds like you’re at risk of developing PND. If your mental health is at stake then there’s no shame in formula feeding. 💐

I had similar issues. I didn’t pump at all. I bf at least every 3 hours and topped up after the 3 hour feed. I was told to top up 30 ml of formula. The paediatrician calculated the exact amount for us. In between I bf as often as DS wanted. I did lots of skin to skin, and spent time just sat feeding him and watching tv. He had lost about 15% and the midwives were really horrid to me about it, doctors were lovely as was my hv.
We carried on with the top ups and for about 4 weeks but then started dropping them as he was constantly gaining weight and my supply was good and he didn’t really want the top ups. I bf him until he was 2.9 years. I only stopped when I was expecting number two who also lost a lot of weight immediately after birth but that was a slightly different issue.
Just keep plodding on and take one day at a time. Good luck

I also had a premie and bfing them is different from a term baby as they are so sleepy and small.
Paediatrician told me to undress him and cover with a blanket, then take away the blanket to wake him up. Basically whatever you can do to go from 10 minutes to 20.
Nipple shields can help with the latch.
You can build your supply with pumping and it also means someone else can have a go at keeping the baby awake.
I did two bottles of formula per day during the worst of the jaundice and pumped to compensate. He never had formula again after that and we got to 3 years without any more issues.
It’s really hard to start but they do get going eventually. Getting to the due date helps too.

@User0ne i have been asked to pump for two reasons - one to measure how much milk the baby would get and the second - my milk supply would dry out if the breasts aren't emptied completely. I am terrified about the milk supply getting dried up if I don't pump; as my baby isn't strong enough to feed longer on breasts and do the job.

Pump 8-12 times a day seems like an impossible job😭 already sleep deprived mum and baby wont want to be put into her crib from 1 to 6 AM.. so it's impossible to do both things at a time

I used to pump one side with the baby on the other, in case you haven’t tried that.

As far as I'm aware health visitors and midwives have to say these things about breast feeding and unless it's your choice or a medical concern they have to encourage you. Don't forget if you put two babies together you can't tell which would be formula or breast fed. Which to me is a no brainer if you're struggling so much.

I’m sorry you’re going through this op. I went through this with my first born. It affected me so bad mentally, I was on the cusp of PND.
no advice, because it never worked out for us. I gave it 2 months and we were still struggling. We switched to formula and I got better. She’s at school now and it’s makes not one bit of difference how she was fed.
Whatever decision you make, make it because it suits you and your baby. And stuff anyone that makes judgment.

You sound like you are doing a fantastic job,OP. The first few weeks are hard enough as it is without you putting so
much pressure on yourself. 💐

Just express as much as you have energy to and top up with formula when needed. Do you want to breastfeed? There is nothing at all wrong in switching solely to formula if this is what you wanted. You have given your baby the best start. If you want to continue to breastfeed then get as much support as you can to work on the latch; baby is better at getting the milk directly from the breast than any breast pump.

You're doing a great job.

There's no need to be terrified about your milk drying up. The worst case scenario there is that you switch to formula and plenty of babies grow up fine on it.

You could try a silicone pump like a haaker (put it on the other breast while bf) and it will reduce the faff a bit.

Has anyone talked to you about kangaroo care? Lots of skin to skin is really good for babies (especially premiers) and will encourage your supply

Hello, I was very similar to you - weak premature baby with iugr too tired to feed, constantly trying baby at breast then bottle feeding then pumping. It made me so so ill but I also think giving up would have made me ill too.

At six months Ds is combination fed. My supply will never be enough for him, despite pumping every three hours for eight weeks, and that's ok. He learnt to breastfeed as he got bigger and stronger though, although we were put off for a bit by a scary choking thing at the breast . I still pump a bit as he doesn't feed that effectively off me, but I only do so twice a day.

The maddest thing, and something no one told me, is that you need sleep to make milk. I actually think that not getting sleep at first tanked my supply. I'm happy with combination feeding as I'm giving him some immunity and I literally cannot exclusively breastfeed, though coming to terms with this was hard.

It's so difficult with a premature baby as they get so tired. It will be easier as she gets stronger. How much does your partner do? I found it so much easier when he washed all pumping stuff, etc, and did some bottle feeds.

Please be kind to yourself. I had similar issues and situation. No way could I ever pump 8-10 times a day. I managed 2-3 tops and hardly got any milk out in hospital. Very common with kids in neonatal care that your supply is never as much as if not in neonatal. Even a few days breastfeeding is amazing work. Especially with the toll on your body. Those first few days are great. If you can't manage any more just go to formula or a mix.

Most of all, congratulations on your little one. You're going to get through this and you're a wonderful mother for caring so much ❤️❤️

My DS wasn't premature but struggled to latch the first few days, started getting jaundiced and would fall asleep almost as soon as he latched.

The midwife advice was always to put him on the breast first and top up with formula afterwards, but I found that didn't work well because DS would sleep as soon as he found the nipple and got almost no milk.

What I did instead was to give a little bit of milk (expressed or formula - about 10-20ml) at the start of the feed. That seemed to give him enough energy to have a full breastfeed. After a couple of days he got better at feeding and less sleepy, so I was able to phase out the top ups.

Obviously my situation was quite different to yours, but just wanted to let you know what worked for me.

Bless you lovely. I've had two IUGR babies- didn't succeed with feeding the first but still feeding the second aged 2. You get so obsessed with quantities when they're struggling to gain weight, don't you. Is there any chance you could afford a visit from an IBCLC? I'm so fortunate that where I live there's loads of free support but mine encouraged nipple shields until baby was bigger and stronger, told me how much formula to top up with ant when and how many times to pump and when. Honestly it took us 4 months to ditch the triple feeding and nipple shields and have her fully breastfed but it was worth the effort. However, I completely echo the ladies who say it's ok to formula feed if this is making you miserable. Just wanted to share my experience x

You’re right, it’s impossible to pump that many times a day, whilst still trying to latch and giving her top ups. No wonder you’re so drained (literally). There just aren’t enough hours in the day. Kangaroo care is important but you need to have that time to actually sit and snuggle her. The midwives probably have targets they have to meet re: breastfeeding mums but don’t let them make you feel bad. You’re doing amazingly well.

it sounds like you really need some skilled face to face help with someone with lots of experience breastfeeding premature babies. Is there an infant feeding team your nurse or midwife could refer you to?

For many women long term triple feeding (breastfeed, top up, pump) is unsustainable, so don’t beat yourself up about this. There are other options, it depends on what your baby’s particular issues are but nipple shields, switch feeding, upright positioning can all be effective interventions. You can also feed in blocks so in X block baby has a bottle feed (pref from someone else) and you maybe pump but don’t breastfeed and then the next block you just breastfeed. This can be more sustainable than triple feeding but does need support from someone skilled. I’d really push for a referral.

I had a preemie baby (33 weeks) who could latch but didn't have the stamina to suckle. Drinking from a bottle, on the other hand, was much easier for her. I gave up on the idea of breastfeeding directly pretty early and fed by exclusive pumping - I'd pump 7-8 times a day and I or DH would bottle feed her. Worked a charm until she was about four months and old enough to whinge at me spending so much time pumping rather than entertaining her, at which point we switched to formula.

Are you on your own or is there a partner helping you? Can they hold her and feed her at night so you can get some rest?

OP I had a similar situation. My baby wasn't prem but she did lose a lot of weight after birth and I really wanted to breastfeed her. She also had jaundice so was very sleepy and it was important to feed her a lot to get rid.

We were encouraged to give formula almost straight away, which i was surprised about, but I said I'd prefer to try for a few more days since the baby was feeding and settled. I'd lost a lot of blood during the birth so milk was a bit slower coming in.

I was also told to pump straight after feeding her and give her that straight away, but it just didn't work. She was taking all I had so I couldn't really get anything out, plus she fell asleep at the end of the feed so I would then have had to wake her to give her the tiny bit extra I'd managed to get.

I found it much more workable to wait at least an hour after feeding her to pump and then collect it all together unto 1 bottle so DP could give her a bigger top up between feeds in the night and I could have a sleep. I just could not pump anything straight after a feed. Even combined from several pumpings I was only getting like 30ml in total where I was feeding her every 2 hours. They told me to pump 8-10 times as well but it just wasn't physically possible for me, I did more like 3 or 4 times a day.

Luckily this approach worked and baby began gaining weight.

I'd say just try and put less pressure on yourself (I know it's hard - my dp ended up physically prying my pump out of my hands at 3am on night cos I was getting manic!) and try a less intense approach.

Ps. My baby also wouldn't be put down either so I understand. It felt impossible to pump, so when I cut down to 3 or 4 times it was more doable because dp would hold her while she slept and I could get a little bit out