Going back to work. Feeling so down about it!

[Pac35]

Hi!
I'm here holding my 10 month old baby who is napping. He has nursery settling in next week. I have a new job, I'm really proud that I worked so hard, prepared well and got a great job during my mat leave which is much more senior and better pay. It's full time. My DH also works full time. We have no family nearby

My baby will be going to nursery full time. I'm feeling so down about it. I'll see him for about 1/2 hour in the morning and 1/2 an hour before bed. It's so sad.

I'm going to miss him so much . I'm so surprised I feel this way, I thought I'd be so ready to go back, I've always worked so hard and enjoyed my job. I think kids really need socialising and the nursery sounds great- they've been so friendly

I'm not really sure what the point of this post is. How were your experiences? Anything to make the transition easier? Am I mad doing a full time job when all I really want to do is be with my baby?

I don't think it helps that he was up every hour last night!

Anyway, thanks if you made it this far!

its sad but you will see him in the weekends and holidays?

It is hard. It's a real wrench. However - it does get easier. And when you start enjoying your job again, that really helps. There will be bad days when things don't work out and you beat yourself up, but they really are the minority.

One thing I would say is ESSENTIAL is that baby's dad is equally involved as you are, you sure drop offs and pickups etc.

You'll be fine OP honestly, just take some big deep breaths and make sure you appreciate all the time you do have with him.

Well done on the promotion, but I wonder if there's any scope for WFH in the new role? This would reduce travel time and allow you to spend more time with baby. I cannot imagine only seeing my small child for 1 hour a day.

I felt exactly the same and cried in the toilets at work regularly in the first few weeks, but my son was really happy at nursery which helped. My tip is to make the most of the time you do have with him - don't spend weekends cleaning. It's really tough in the beginning, but you and he will be fine. Congratulations on your new job, you're right to be proud!

Just my personal experience, but I went back full time for a week and then dropped to 60%. I couldn't do it. I'm planning to stay on 60% next year too, even though we have no money. Like you, I was astounded to feel this way. But, being back, my career (which I'd always prized) is just so unimportant to me now. It's such a nuisance having to go in at all. But part time is manageable. It's Wednesday afternoon, and I'm sitting holding my baby. For me, this is better than any money or career even though we struggle to make ends meet now.

That's so helpful, thanks everyone
My husband is really helpful and will probably do most of the pick ups as he finishes earlier than me.

I can't wfh as Im in a medical role and see patients face to face.

I feel like if I can't cope without him I would drop my hours but when I got the job they said several times 'this is only available as a full time role' 😒

Anyway, I hope that he loves it and he still loves me at the end of the nursery day!

I'm in a very similar situation at the moment. It's horrible! I really thought I'd be chomping at the bit to go back but I'm really not. I have to go back to my old role which is full time only and also patient-facing so no wfh here either, but I'm looking for something with more flex ASAP.

Some good advice here.

You will find it hard as it is a new, more senior job. That is difficult on its own! I will say that you should make these next couple of months plan free and take the pressure of yourself socially. Just focus on getting a new routine and settling.

Full time will be tricky as I do think reducing your hours if you can is easier. However, sounds like it is a full time role.

Can you meal prep/slow cooker/cleaner at all? Make life easier for yourself

A practical tip: have a plan in place for when your child is ill and can’t attend nursery. They are likely to exclude for at least 48 hours after D&V bugs, and whenever he has a high temperature, which could last for days. Chicken pox, hand foot & mouth, flu, colds…

I was surprised at just how often DD was ill (although, post pandemic, she caught everything at once).

I advise you to operate on the assumption that your son will be off nursery for at least three days a month in the first few months, and make a plan with your DH (and your respective managers) about how to handle it before it happens.

Hope that hasn’t panicked you. DD has loved nursery, really blossomed in terms of language, eating, social skills etc.

Also, your son might change rapidly in the next couple of months. At 10M I was feeling awful about the thought of sending her, but at 12M when she started, she has suddenly become bored with home life and I saw she needed a lot more stimulation.

Of course he will still love you ! You're his mother. He will love you for all time

Thank you everyone for being so sweet, I feel much more reassured. I just needed to write down my feelings and it has helped. I know my boy will be well looked after, I have a good job and we may struggle but if I need to I'll go part time. Thanks everyone x