Hit me with your opinion - Stay at 1 or go for 2

[Notsogreatexpectations]

Would love a 2nd but have no near by family support.

Tell me what the problems are going to be... I want to make sure I've factored in everything....😬

What sort of age gap are you aiming for?

I've got two and zero family support. For 6 months after my second was born I was a lone parent. It really depends on the kids, the age gap, your finances, and the lifestyle you want. For example I had 2 under 2 and needed a double buggy, which limited which shops I could go in. Nursery fees for 2 kids are actually painful every month and I'd have to pay about £40k a year to do my £26k a year job so I'm stuck as a SAHM for the foreseeable.
But my god I want a third so much it breaks my heart that we probably won't have one. I'd never have been happy with one child.

Childcare costs.

That's the main one that is hard to find a work around to.

Depending on the age gap, this might not be too horrific.

I found going from 1 to 2 much easier than 0 to 1. Not least because I'd done it once before and was sooooo much more chilled.

So DD would be 3 by time we gave birth if we fell pregnant immediately first attempt....I'd have a year of mat leave...so 1 year of them both being in nursery, but the eldest would have the 30hrs funding?

Keep your eldest in nursery and you'll cope much better if you have no other support.

I'm interested in the answers to this as well. Really struggling to decide whether to try or not. Our LO is already 3.

If you would "love" a second then it's a no-brainer, and you only need to decide on when. That depends on your age and money (with nursery fees) and maybe other things. Of course money will be tighter, but no-one has ever regretted a child for that reason, especially if they know they would "love" another.

I hadn’t really considered family support when we had a second DC; I was happy we could afford the jump to two so went for it. Since having second DC we’ve had periods of time with no family support and time when we do; it’s certainly easier to manage our DCs sickness and our work when we’ve had family support but we’ve managed when we don’t and to look after both our DC is too much for grandparents so we’ve not really been able to have time just us but we manage.
Most important is a partner who pulls their weight

I've just had my second with elder nearly 3. I am only a few months in, the first few weeks were very hard but now we have some routine honestly the 2nd has slotted in and it doesn't make a huge difference to what we do day to day or made life that much harder. I think it will be really beneficial to have the older one in nursery though so you can have plenty of breaks. We do have family support but I wouldn't say we are needing it all that much at the moment. It might be different once I go back to work. We won't have the two sets of nursery fees as we only use part time and oldest will be getting the 30 hours and only be one year off school. We kept most of the stuff from first time so haven't had to buy much. I can't talk for what will happen in future but for now I am really enjoying having two. I would reiterate though that the first month was tough and if you can have any support or pay for it I would do. It can be quite unpredictable not knowing how you'll recover, if you might have complications, challenges feeding etc and having that with a toddler as well was difficult. But that already feels in the past to me and I'm enjoying watching them getting to know each other etc

Go for it... We don't have family for childminding purposes (but we do have 2 sets of loving grandparents)I found the jump a shock, and I'm struggling to juggle with work (kids aged nearly 3 and nearly 1) but i wouldn't change a thing!! I want a third now 😌
We can handle a little hardship for the joy it brings ☺️

This.

I recommend 2 simply because (fingers crossed) they get on and entertain each other. It is hard with a newborn and a toddler but then...2.5 years between mine and both the same sex, but as they have gotton older they play together for hours!
I can pretty much get on with my life and dont need to entertain in the way my friends with one child do! Basically you create a permanent playdate 😀

I'd add... how helpful is your partner?? (mine not great with babies... that was tough... ) and are you a perfectionist? If so, you'd need to relax that cause it is more chaotic with 2. Still tho, go for it.

@firsttimeoptimist my friend’s two DDs fight like cat & dog - she literally has to plan school holidays so they are at camps on alternative days to each other otherwise her life is awful. You can’t assume siblings will get on.

I have a 3yo and 10mo and those newborn days were really tough on everyone, we were adjusting to having 2 kids, DD1 was adjusting to having to share me. We do have family nearby that do help if needed but they don't really stay out often, we manage fine. DD1 stayed in nursery 2 days a week, we recently upped it to 3 days when she got her free hours. DD1 started nursery last month so although our fees are higher, it's still manageable with the 30 hours. DD2 absolutely adores her big sister, watching them both together is my favourite thing to do. It's hard but I'm so glad we had another.

Do it! You won't regret it

As others have said, it's the childcare costs that are the main issue...but shouldn't really affect you seeing as you will already have at least a 3 year gap - your eldest will surely be starting primary school roughly around the time you stop mat leave? We've exactly a 2 year gap and will have one year where baby is in childcare and 3 year old is in preschool with some funded hours.

The first couple of months are really really hard, but it does get much easier! I didn't find it any easier or harder than going from 0-1. Some parts you are way more relaxed and experienced with, so they are easier. But then the juggling is harder and you don't really get any down time with 2...so it balances out 😅 My first didn't really take to the baby very well initially but now that we are 9 months in he absolutely loves him and they are starting to play together. I am dying for a third but going to try for at least a 3 year gap this time to avoid having another year of 2 in full time nursery!!