Smokers and hand washing around newborn? Also no kisses

[lockdownmummax]

how to nicely tell family to take their jacket off after a cigarette & wash their hands before picking up baby?
couple of family members on both sides haven't been doing this and it's something I would like people to do before picking up the baby but not sure how to say it without coming across bossy?

also 2 people have already kissed the baby and it freaks me out, how do I tell them no? It's hard to say to someone if there about to kiss the baby as it happens so fast but feel awkward saying it when they first come in or we first go to the house

stressing out about it all x

@lockdownmummax
i would not let them near until clean teeth used mouth wash and didn’t smell.

they fact they don’t says they don’t really care.

jeez I am sorry you have such relatives.

some people are beyond belief!

just be honest with them. i had bad anxiety about second hand smoke and baby so before visitors came i messaged and said there is no smoking whilst at our home, i don't want it around baby. thankyou.
don't worry about what they think, baby is your precious little person and what you say goes.

@Justellingthetruth
Thank you for this I needed to hear that I have been thinking I'm being to much with wanting people to do this

Stop worrying about being "nice" because that usually means you're being a doormat. Tell them the way it needs to be and if they don't follow your directive they don't hold the baby.

@popgoesperfection
That's a good idea about messaging before they came, I get really worried the newborn stage about SIDS and illneses ( have a toddler I was the same with her )
Had a visitor last weekend text to check they where all feeling well as not having anyone unwell over to protect baby, when they came they where coughing and sniffling then the smoking incident happened a few days later I feel like just not having any visitors ahhhh stresses me out x

My MIL is a very heavy smoker and I was worried about this when I was pregnant with DD. I’d read all about the SIDS risk and didn’t want to take any chances.

In the end I took the cowards way out and had DH send her a text saying we wouldn’t be bringing the baby round if she was still smoking in the house when she was born, she wouldn’t be able to smoke at ours and teeth brushed, hands washed etc before she could hold her. We gave her a few months warning.

It was awkward, I wondered if I was being too OTT but she bugrudgingly agreed and has stuck to all the rules. You just need to bite the bullet and put it out there, no other way. Good luck!

@Aquamarine1029
I do worry about people thinking I'm being to much or bossy by setting boundaries but your right I do feel like a doormat, I have a toddler so have some parenting experiencing but im only 23 so sometimes feel people don't know what im talking about and think they know better because their age and more " parenting years " but I do a lot of research into stuff and im also a student nurse so I know the impact this can have on baby's health and the risk of sids, need to start being more firm with people for sure, thank you x
When my daughter was a newborn I asked a family member to wash hands after a cigarette and they told me they smoked with their kids back in their day and their kids turned out fine, annoying response !!

@SapphireSunday
It's really hard isn't it when it's your parents family your wanting to set boundaries with,
My MIL smokes not heavy maybe around 5 a day? she smoked in her house ( kitchen with door open ) but she stopped smoking in her house when baby was born without us mentioning it to us which made me feel quite relieved, it's if she is going outside for a cigarette she doesn't wash her hands before picking baby up and I'm not sure how to approach the situation, it's silly because I know for my MIL if I mention it to her she will have no problem with this it's just starting the conversation in the first place lol,
it's my other relatives I'm quite worried about bringing this up to as I know they'll argue back with me being to paranoid

I totally understand the smoking issue. That’s been around for a while.

Not wanting people to kiss the baby - that’s pretty new. In the last 5 years I would say. So you might need to gently educate people as to why. (I think it’s because there is now understood to be a risk to newborns with the herpesvirus?).

Wanting people to brush their teeth first? Well, that’s a new one on me but, as above, you might just need to gently educate people as to why.

Most people won’t keep up to date on guidance unless they have babies themselves, but also most people are reasonable, understand that guidance changes, and will abide by your wishes (but they will find it easier to remember if they know why).

@lockdownmummax i was the same with my first too but didn't say anything and the anxiety used to eat away at me so second time round i thought no, this is my baby, my rules. and if you want to smoke then don't bother coming and visiting! x