struggling mentally with child sickness hoping for advice.

[LearningDad1994]

Hi a worried dad here hoping to get advice, been struggling for 4 months now since LO had a bad sickness in November and every time she gets sick now I feel I can’t cope incase it gets as bad as it did back then.
I’m just wondering if anyone is the same that their mental health goes into downwards spiral at the slightest sign of sickness in the LO(I am on antidepressants and getting therapy as well). My 15 month old has been full of cold for 16 days and coughing badly at night for over a week. Took her to doctors yesterday and they gave her antibiotics as a precaution for possible strep A infection as she had spots on her tonsils and red throat, this is on top of the lingering cold but the DR said it could simply be another viral infection and she might be poorly for another couple of weeks.
I just feel like it’s been going on so long and she’s now started daycare 2 mornings a week and 100% realise she’s going to catch everything. Just wanting to state I’m a very hands on dad and love/loved getting involved in everything with my LO but now im terrified of her getting sick. Just wanting to see if anyone had any advice or going through the same sort of thing with their mental health and child??.

Thanks and sorry for the long post I’m new to this.

Yes I am the same and completely understand. Our little boy started nursery at 6 months and has caught so many viruses it’s unbelievable. I have also then caught them, making it incredibly hard to cope and look after him.
I reached my limit in November when he got rushed to hospital with bronchiolitis. My partner then got very sick with flu and couldn’t help as much and I then caught the virus that caused the bronchiolitis and that turned into bacterial sinusitis and I honestly thought I would die trying to look after him.
he recovered over Christmas only to catch a cold two days into going back to nursery. In January alone he has caught 3 colds and had gastro and roseola and every time I can see him coming down with something it fills me with dread and I start crying. It also means I miss even more work adding to my stress.
I can’t offer much advice as obviously I’m still very much in the lots of catching bugs phase but what I have noticed is that although it’s still really hard when he’s ill and it affects me a lot, he’s never been ill as long or as severe as those first few months of starting and hope this means his immune system is improving and things will continue to get better but you do have my sympathies. It’s very stressful.

@Pizzaandsushi yeah it’s incredibly hard isn’t it, she’s been not super rough during the day but nighttime’s have been a write off which just adds the mental drain. There has been no break at all between illnesses this time which makes it even harder to deal with whilst mentally burnt out with anxiety. I’m hoping after a few months when she does get sick it’s not for as long. The cough really sets my anxiety through the roof!

It definitely has an effect on me, and I losr all interest in anything that isn't caring for her. I struggle to work, make myself food etc.

However she's nearly 4, but with a serious health issue, which means she catches every bug going, and gets them a lot worse. So I'm on edge for the next hospitalisation etc, and obviously when that happens sleep goes to pot, and it takes me a while to get energy back again.

I'm not sure much anxious about whether something awful will happen to her (been there, got that t shirt more than once), but it just makes me feel so weary and worn.

I promise you’re not alone. Coughing puts me on edge as does projectile vomiting from gastro. The not know when they’re going to do it and the sudden coughing fits and waking up during the night is so unpredictable it makes me very anxious.
my partner also had a mental breakdown with it all over Christmas and is on medication so I really do understand.
Just remember you can do this. Even when you think you can’t, you will find a way to continue and keep going. There has been many a time I thought I physically and mentally can’t deal with any more illnesses but know I have no choice and push through. It will get better.

@Pizzaandsushi @Somuchgoo its a comfort to know I’m not alone in my thoughts but also unfortunate other people suffer as well. The joys of being a parent eh! Fingers crossed these antibiotics sort her right out and she can have a couple weeks to recoup from the ordeal (and my misses mind from me panicking haha)

You’re definitely not alone. My 15 month old has had constant fevers/illness since August last year (every 2-3 weeks) and he’s only started nursery this week so I’m expecting it’ll get worse yet… and I live in constant fear of him becoming unwell!

I don’t have a huge amount of advice to share - it’s had a big impact on my mental health, I have just finished a course of CBT but not feeling better yet, just finding the combination of lack of sleep when he’s poorly, plus catching what he’s got a lot of the time, plus worrying about returning to work means i am super anxious at the thought of him getting poorly and then when he is poorly I’m living on the edge waiting for him to get worse, until he’s eventually better.

What I will say has helped me slightly is a tactic recommended by my counsellor to help with worry, which is to set aside a time each day where you allow yourself to worry - I chose 2pm - and so if I start to worry about him either being unwell or becoming unwell outside of that time I ‘park it’ and come back to it during my allotted worry time. Then at that time I write down what I’ve ‘parked’ and decide if I can action anything to resolve the worry or if it’s out of my control and therefore not something I should spend anymore time on. Doesn’t always work when I’m in the throes of a panic but it can sometimes allow me to stop thinking about it and ruining an otherwise good day when he’s not actually poorly and I’m just anticipating the next illness if that makes sense.

Try and remember, you’ve come this far, you’ve lived through lots of hard days already, and I like to stick to wishful optimism that as the weather improves so will our kids health!!

couldn’t agree more with @Coleman93 . Really good idea to set aside a time to worry but then put a “pin in it”. I think some of us are just natural worriers and saying not to worry isn’t helpful so worrying for a certain amount of time but restricting that sounds like a good idea.
since I last posted we have had some serious luck and our baby hasn’t had a illness where he has needed to be out of nursery in two months!! I however had covid for the first time last week and it hit me HARD. Fever of 39.5. Lost taste and smell and felt generally awful but I had no choice but to look after my baby whilst very unwell and in fear he would get it too. We got through it though and miraculously he was fine! Even though they will catch illnesses and you will too, you will get through it and so far, things have improved and I believe it will for you too.

Hi, I realize you wrote this a while ago so I hope things are better for you now. I completely understand and I have the same issue. my firstborn was a preemie and we had a lot to deal with over the first year or so. He is almost 8 now and healthy, he gets sick a normal amount. But with my youngest who was born at term and almost 3yrs old now, it’s crazy how often he gets sick since being hospitalized with RSV just before his 1st birthday. Since then he has had another bout of pneumonia a year ago and ever since every cough causes me to panic (inwardly, but still) I just realized I probably have some unprocessed trauma/ptsd so it’s worth getting treatment for that. Maybe this is something that could help you too? (I have sn anxiety disorder so it’s always there, but I am sure some experiences made it worse than it has to be)