Dd4.5 yrs old was not listening to me, started trying to hit, kick and scratch me so I called for DH to come help so I could tend to Dd3 yrs old. I was also conscious that I didn't want to get over the top cross so just wanted him to take over and then she and I could talk once she'd calmed down.
Dh called to her from upstairs. She just ignored him and got upset that I was ignoring her while I sorted dd3 out/tried to calm down.
I took DD3 upstairs. Dd4 was wailing at the bottom of the stairs (nothing had happened at this point, she was jist annoyed that she wasn't getting attention from me). I stuck my head in on DH and said I need a bit of help with DD. She needs pj's etc. Dh was on his phone in bed. He got up and went down to her. Cue her becoming hysterical and trying to hit/kick dh and DH shouting in her face NO PUNCHING ME! NO KICKING!
The whole reason I asked for his help was to avoid this hysteria/high anger levels right before bedtime. I went back down and said as much and said I'd take over as no longer wound up. I don't think it's right for a grown up/man especially to shout at the top of his lungs in the face of a young child, no matter what they've done. Dh totally ignored me, pretended i wasn't there. Dd was incredibly upset by this point and desperately trying to get away from him. He was holding her firmly in his lap/between his legs still trying to get her pj's on. It was horrid. She was hysterically crying, trying to get to me, he was in my way and ignoring me so I couldn't get to her.
She eventually managed to get out of his grasp and I asked him to move aside so I could get to her. I sat in the floor next to her and she collapsed in a heap in my lap. She'd obviously been badly behaved towards us both but it had sort of gone past that point by then.
This just send DH off, he stormed of saying it was lousy of me to give her a cuddle. It took DD 15 mins to breathe properly and DD3 was also very upset by the whole thing.
Would any of you have done something differently here or was I justified in trying to console my 4 yr old after a grownup yelled in her face and wouldn't let her get away?