Am I enough?

[pzyck]

I try to be what would probably be regarded as a "gentle parent" (DD is 9 months). We still EBF along with solids, I nurse to sleep, we co-sleep. She has always been a poor sleeper, in the earlier days it was more evidently down to reflux and gas but things have never really gotten any better... maybe these things still exist, or maybe it's just habit, I don't know. But regardless, as much as I would love to get some decent, undisturbed sleep, I'm not prepared to enforce the harsher sleep training methods on her to try and achieve this. She is a very sensitive and high needs baby, and I have done a lot of studying in the child psychology field prior to conceiving her, so I am really trying to parent her how I feel is in her best interest of her mental and emotional wellbeing in the long term.

However DD makes me feel I interpret her reactions to my attempts at affection and comfort like I'm doing something wrong. Often if I try to cuddle her, or even give her a kiss on the cheek, it'll be met with crying. At night, trying to touch her, sing to her, or basically do absolutely anything that isn't offer her the boob results in hysterical screaming. All my mum friends talk about how they love the affection and cuddles they get from their DC and I can't help but feel like DD loves me just for my boobs sometimes, and along with the sleep deprivation and other things going on in life, I do let it get to me.

MIL has been telling me that basically, I shouldn't be so soft because she is "designed to manipulate me to get what she wants for survival purposes". From everything I understand and believe, that is complete BS, but I still can't help but feel I must be doing something wrong because of how DD is with me.

I don't know, I guess I'm looking for a bit of reassurance that not all 9 month olds are cuddly and soppy for their mums and that it's not because I'm not enough for her (because that fear is what it all really boils down to).

I had one of these! My second was a boob monster but not especially cuddly at that stage. Now he’s 3 and blows very hot and cold when it comes to cuddles but is generally more snuggly than we was then. He’s a bit of a contrast to my eldest who can’t get enough cuddles.

Please don’t take it personally. When you’re cosleeping and breastfeeding it’s a very special yet not always very rewarding interaction. The way she relates to you will change over time. She may never become cuddly but if not it’s not because of you, it’ll just be her preference. It sounds like you’re doing a great job with your wee one, don’t be so tough on yourself!

9 months is an awful age for sleeping.
Nothing but boob would settle my son. We did and still do co-sleep and bf to sleep. Tbh it's only now he's nearly 2 that we're slowly coming off boob at night. Il let him have some milk then I say all gone now and cuddle him to sleep. At 9 months there was no way I could cuddle him to sleep - it was either stand up and rock to music or lie down and bf.
The only other things that got him to sleep were being in the pram or the car.
He's a really happy, active, gentle, affectionate and amazing toddler now so it's all paid off. Hang on in there, you are doing amazing!!!! And it's not the end of the world if baba cries a little, I was far too hard on myself.
But don't let anyone guilt trip you into doing anything different to how you want to do it. Just smile and nod and say thanks for the advice and take no notice of them.

Also is she teething at the moment? Teething is literal hell on earth. I let him have some cooled camomile tea to help

My 15 month dd is the same, always wants me for milk but not really cuddles.
I think its just who she is x