My partner has been increasingly critical of my parenting and does this with our children present each time. When we are on our own and I challenge what he's done he literally ignores me, will walk off or change the subject.
He started a WFH job about a year ago and I feel like every conversation I have with our children (under 4) is being observed and then he jumps in to save them from me.
An example; our children were hungry so I was making them food whilst they were playing in the play area. They got into a squabble and I had something hot I was trying to sort and raised my voice over the bubbling food and tearful screaming children.
Suddenly my partner bursts through the door "what is going on?!" And I was busy draining hot food assuming he was talking to the children. "I'm speaking to you, why are you shouting at them?!" This is in the middle of screaming children by this time and he picks them up and starts asking them if they're okay and would they like to play upstairs etc.
Food is ready and I go and get our children and he is blanking me. I bring the children downstairs who are crying for daddy and put them in their seats explaining dinner is ready, we can see daddy in a few minutes and with that he's snatched the youngest out of my arms and rolling his eyes saying "FFS, give them here and go and sit down!" Meaning I go and sit at the table and feed the eldest. All is fine with the plans but not the tone or the fact he assumes I couldn't have done seating two children at the table without him.
Another example is me getting them ready to leave the house and getting their teeth done. He appears out of no where and tells me not to speak to our children like that. I have no clue what he's on about. I've got all the children dressed, one removing their clothes again because they don't want the green socks on anymore and the other trying to squit the toothpaste over the walls whilst I'm trying to set up a brushing timer app and he's decided that I'm too loud, and says he can hear what colour socks our children have on from downstairs. "I've got this, you can go now." Was my reply and he says how rude I am and tells me to F off before storming off to the office downstairs.
When the kids were in bed I explain how unhelpful it is and how we seem so divided which will mean our children will feel they have to pick sides. It's important to back each other up and instead of coming in like some sort of super hero to save our children from their evil mother needing them dressed before leaving the house, he could just ask how he can help.
His reply was "in my opinion". And put his headphones on and turned his back to me.
I don't remember him being as bad as this before he started this job but it wasn't perfect. If I suggest we go anywhere as a family I get "no, no we're not doing that." If I ask why he says "because I said so. I'm sure you could play with the children here at home" I'm paying for the trip - he just has to participate!? But the tone and the suggestion that it's his decision only is getting harder and harder to challenge.
Is anyone else in a similar situation? Is there anything else I could do? Our children are watching and sooner or later they're not going to do what I say, they'll just do what my partner does because that's all they know.