No idea what to do.

[Chester72]

Hi,

my DD2 is 7 months old. She was very hard work for the first 4 months and would never ever let me put her down, even for a second, without erupting hysterically. She would just escalate until I picked her back up.

Anyway, she has improved in the day as in she is now largely happy and pretty relaxed but sleep is just worse than it’s ever been. So she only contact naps/on the move. We can’t ever put her to bed, I have to hold her until 10pm at which point I can pass her over to my husband and go and get 2 hours sleep at which point he brings her up and she won’t stay asleep in her next to me at all. I have to co sleep and all night long she’s on and off my nipple. Not drinking much, usually just suckling to get herself back to sleep. She then also has to sleep with her face in my arm so if I move at all she wakes up instantly and screams until she’s been back on the nipples and this continues all night long. I’ve had enough and I don’t want this anymore. I haven’t had any time alone with my husband since she was born as she’s with one of us every single second of the day. I’m getting around 3 hours broken sleep each night.

Last night we decided to try to persevere this week and see if we can improve anything by making her stay in her room in her cot. Between 7.30pm - 10.30pm she woke up crying 8 times. We could settle her easily and get her back to sleep but she only stayed asleep for a few mins at a time then woke up hysterically again. At 10.30pm my husband gave her a bottle then tried for an hour to get her back to sleep in the cot, she fell asleep within seconds but erupted every single time he put her down for a full hour. In the end we gave up and she was back in my bed.

We’ve tried dummies (lots of different types, she won’t accept any). We’ve tried a comforter, and something that smells of me. She’s not interested. I’ve tried habit stacking to stop her needing the boob so much for sleep. Hasn’t worked.

Has anyone had this situation before and if so, how on earth do you get it to stop? I’ve felt so low and knackered today and like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I just want some of my life back. Just a couple of hours to myself each evening. I don’t mind her waking to feed during the night as long as I can put her back down after. It’s just neverending.

Advice welcome, except for cry it out, I can’t do that.

Thank you

You husband needs to persevere, maybe you go to a hotel for the night? If she takes a bottle then she can be fed, clean and have someone who loves her there. She has to learn how to self soothe (which up until this point has been her using your nipples) and she will only do that if he has to.

She's still really little. My 17 month old co-sleeps with us, still breastfeeds multiple times during the day and a couple of times through the night. He's super independent in the day but he still needs me at all times during the night. The only time he will nap is if he's in the carrier, on me on the bus and occasionally in the car. He's usually up until after 10pm. It's just the stage of life you're in right now. Try and enjoy it whilst she still wants to be with you all the time as she will soon grow up.

I'd look into some gentle sleep training methods. If you can afford it get someone in to work with you, It'll be the best money you've ever spent!

The thing to bear in mind is that she CAN sleep in her bed. If you stop contact napping/napping on the move she won't die of sleep deprivation, she will sleep. Babies are programmed to survive. You just need to find a gentle method of making her realise that sooner rather than later!

This is somewhat us at 9 months. Co-sleep (just me and DD, DP sleeps in the spare room), will only resettle with the boob and screams hysterically if I try absolutely anything but. She wakes every sleep cycle near enough, so I haven't had more than 2 hours of unbroken sleep for months (and no more than 4 since before she was born). She doesn't settle for DP at night. I can't offer anything but solidarity OP. I get to the point some days where I say I can't keep doing this, and then I have a night where I'll go to bed when she does so at least I cumulatively get more sleep even if it's broken, rather than going to bed a few hours after DD. Then I can muster the strength to carry on. It will get better... one day. They're not going to be 16 and still needing the boob to sleep (-:

How is the OP supposed to function on 3 hours sleep a night?

No, but they might be 16 and visiting you in hospital/prison because you've lost your mind due to sleep deprivation!

Personally we're still like this a lot of the time, always co sleeping and bf but some weeks are worse than others

The beyond sleep training group on fb has really helped me feel less alone!

Sympathy OP, but the thing is, to see results from gentle (or even intense) sleep training, you have to persevere more than one night before giving up. It gets worse before it gets better. You usually have severa godawful nights before sleep starts to improve. It will take a lot more than one night to overcome ingrained habits around sleep. Agreed with a pp you need to go away for a night or so and leave your husband to resettle and resettle until she starts to get it. Can husband take a few days off so you can catch up in the day too? Just do it now before work gets thrown in the mix is my advice!

Well you can't continue like this. My 5 month old goes to sleep at 8pm and sleeps for 12 hours with the dummy in once at about 3/4am. White noise helps but also we have never constantly contact napped.
I have a 3 year old too so that's a reason too but it really is easier for everyone if baby can self settle. I will say though that I bottle feed so she hasn't fed during the night since 10 weeks old, might be different for breastfed babies.

I hope you and your husband can persevere as you just be knackered.

Move the cot into your room and leave your husband in your room with baby. He can feed last thing 11pm and hold her hand or sleep with her.

meanwhile you go to bed alone in the spare room at 8pm and wake 2am to take over from your husband. You and he can swap bedrooms at 2am and he can take charge at 8am for a short window.

repeat for about 2 weeks.

Ds (11mo) has been the same. He was a screaming mess for the first few months, it was pretty awful! His thing is he just wants to be held in cradle hold constantly, but it's impossible to sleep like that, I would happily have Co-slept if he actually slept 😬

We worked on naps first, eventually managed to move from pram bassinet to cot. After a while we realised he was doing his best sleep in the cot, and just really wasn't settling well elsewhere, esp at night. We discussed at his 10mo check & decided he would stop coming into bed and spend all night in the cot, with our support if necessary. we'd stay with him if /when upset. it just really felt we'd exhausted all options by that point so it felt right.

It's a work in progress and not been easy but he is definitely sleeping better as a result. But it's going to be a journey for us all I think! I wish you luck - it's not your fault, I think some really do need help with the sleep. My dd wasn't a perfect sleeper by any means but we had none of this, it was all far more natural!

@NuffSaidSam I can only assume you're being facetious...

Yeah I am.

Although I do think it's worth considering the long term effects of sleep deprivation when making decisions about your child's sleep.

@NuffSaidSam Well I can't speak for OP or anyone else experiencing sleep deprivation, but personally, less than the long term effects on my mental health that (harsh) sleep training would have. But each to their own.

my DD was similar.

One thing that worked was cosleeping.

So can she co-sleep with you in your double bed? and DH sleep in a separate bed. that might let you sleep next to her. And have a '5am rule' that if she wakes after 5am, you take her to DH and let him deal with her. so you get a solid 4 hours sleep from 5am-9am.

the alternative is to impose a routine and put her in the cot. if you want to do this, the key is consistency. put her down asleep, if she cries, wait 2 mins (exactly 2 mins, time it on your phone), then lift her up and settle her again. No chatter and no eye contact, just physical closeness until she settles. repeat. repeat all night if needed. and keep going every day for a week. it will seem like a year but she will learn if you stick absolutely to the same routine. if you break the routine, you have to go back to the beginning - it needs a bit of obsessiveness.

we did version 1 for a bit and then eventually switched to version 2 which worked.

Absolutely. Everyone just has to do what's best for their family.