Overwhelmed working full time with teenagers

[TiredinDorset]

Apologies if I’ve posted this in the wrong place. I wasn’t sure where to post it.

I am 52 with teenagers 16 and 18. They are wonderful and very independent but I’m struggling to cope with my life. I started a new job a year ago. Shift work. Separated from exH but he lives locally and is supportive and it’s amicable. I have a lovely new relationship, he doesn’t live locally so we have to plan time together in advance.

I just find working full time and coping with all the housework etc. so completely overwhelming. I went from working 4 days to full time when ex left me and I thought I’d have got used to it by now but I can’t seem to adjust.

I feel too exhausted even to look for practical solutions. I can’t afford a cleaner. The kids help but there’s still always so much to do and because of the shifts, I’m always, always tired and can never seem to catch up on sleep. I’ve started applying for 9-5 weekday jobs just to see if something might come along but I think I’ll struggle to find one.

I know this is all temporary and life will get easier in time but I’m finding this more exhausting than having young children was. And I know there are worse problems to have. No parental or family support, mine are both long gone sadly.

Is this normal? I don’t even know what I want to hear, just to know it’s normal perhaps and to be able to relate to someone.

When I was exhausted I had bad anaemia. Maybe speak to your GP. Otherwise I sometimes feel like my To Do List is enormous but there are only so many hours in a day and many things have to wait to be completed. Cleaning is not as frequent as it should be. What can you do?

I am in the same position as you, teenagers the same age and work full time (out of the house 7-7). To be honest if it wasn't for DP being around and having a more flexible close to home job I would be on my knees. So I completely see where you are coming from if you are doing it alone.

Some of the things we've put in with the kids to help:

• lifts need to be pre planned or they risk not getting one.
• Dinner is cooked at a time that suits us, if they are not in and it can be plated up they can warm it up later, if not they need to cook for them self.
• breakfast and lunch is entirely their responsibility, we just provide the food in the cupboards/fridge.
• we go through the weekly schedule of everyone on Sunday so it can be planned out.
• bedrooms, providing clothes for washing, asking for certain food in the food shop is their responsibility, I don't clean their rooms anymore or wash anything that hasn't been provided when asked for.
• I accept that they would rather spend most of their time at home in their rooms so we don't push for family time anymore. They surface if they want it, but we don't push for it. This really helped with arguments about being around for meals, when people visit, etc.

To be fair DP does most of the hoovering/tidying in the week and cooks maybe once or twice a week which helps loads.

It's not you. I only work 3 days with teens (lone parent) and everything is always a mess. They need more support (one has MH issues) and more lifts than they ever did in the primary years.

It could be anaemia. Thank you. You’re right, there’s not a lot one can do but to just get on with it!

Teens need preparing for successful independent lives so give them the responsibility of their own laundry, cooking and cleaning is a good way to start.

Call a family meeting. Get them to compile lists of what are daily, weekly , monthly and yearly jobs and ask them to initial which ones they are doing.

The more they feel involved the more they are willing. Especially if you give them something to look forward to as a reward. Could be a pizza or a trip etc.

Designate one day a week for each to prepare a family meal after choosing what to get from the online shopping budget.

Giving responsibility and lots of praise makes for happy helpful teens.

Mine get pocket money for being kind and helpful to each other rather than chores which improves all round cooperation and harmony.

I'm struggling with this at the moment as well, to the extent that I've now signed up for freelance work, which is taking a while to get off the ground. I'm also looking out for part time jobs but they seem to be few & far between. DH is out of the house 7 to 7 and has never learnt to cook so dinner is left to me, even if I'm also working full time. Kids need lifts all the time because we live in a place that's difficult to get around if you don't drive (eldest is learning). Until we moved here 2 yrs ago, I had a job that had become flexible due to covid, which worked perfectly, but since moving I've had to put my career on the back burner again, just like I did when the kids were small, but it has never occurred to DH to change his job to one that is more flexible. It's all very frustrating.

Go get your bloods checked. B12 iron d3 thyroid

Why aren’t the 16 & 18 year olds doing any housework? Not acceptable