Nursery Phone Calls

[Zozo1990]

Hi,

My three year old has started a new school nursery and has left his pre school. Pre school said he was doing really well and meeting most of his milestones. He has been at the new nursery for just two and a half weeks and his nursery teacher has rang me twice to say he was really upset when a child hit him with a toy and then to say that he gets 'emotional' about using the toilet and wouldn't join in with a group cooking activity. They also said he fell over and got quite upset when they had to check his bum to see if he was hurt (during his second day at nursery). She was asking if he gets upset at home like this, and I told her no he doesn't as even on that day he refused to join in the cooking activity in nursery, he came home and helped me cook dinner happily, he asked himself if he could help me.

He's always so confident when I take him to playgroups and to the library rhyme time But maybe that's because I'm with him. I've asked him why he doesn't go to the toilet, and he says I don't need to go. Hes been potty trained for a year. He's only there at nursery for 2 hours and 40 minutes. He does a wee before he leaves home and when he brings his water bottle back home, it's always full so he hasn't drank much. I just find the vibe from the staff a bit much, he's three and just started a new setting. Give him a chance. I'm not sure if this teacher is being overly informative because I asked her once why my son was upset at hometime, did something happen at nursery? And she was a little takenaback and said I would have told you if something had happened. I've told them it's normal for children to not use the toilet whilst they're getting familiar with a new place and then she just said it's his emotional reaction to it mum that is concerning. I've asked my 3 year old why he was upset that day and he said I was only a little bit upset because I don't need the toilet. But he did say to me he had a bad day, normally we do a thumbs up or thumbs down for a good day or bad day and he said it was a bad day.

I've never seen my son get upset about using the toilet or cooking or joining in group activities at the library, playgroups, friends' houses, with his cousins.

Any nursery teachers or parents who have more experience, please explain the big deal about this? Do yoy get phone calls like this too?

She also mentioned that the cohort he has started with are all more mature than him. I don't even know what the point of that statement is.

There could be a thousand reasons he doesn’t like going to the toilet there. What’s their plan for supporting him to be more comfortable? How many weeks has he been going and how many sessions a week? Have they noticed he’s not drinking at school?

2 and half weeks he's been there.

Ask her if she means he’s behind developmentally as you had understand he’d hit all his milestones at hisprevious setting?

None of this is a big deal and I'd find it completely bizarre if they called me to say my 3yr son had hit them with a toy, didn't want the toilet or wouldn't join in a game. He's 3! Surely ALL three year olds are emotional. They haven't got the capacity to regulate their emotions yet.

Tell them to get a grip OP, your child is normal

They didn't say my child hit someone with a toy, they said he got hit with a toy by another child. And that my son was pretty upset by it.

I just find it so intense. Asked other parents and they said they haven't had any phone calls. Also, one mum said her daughter has been there a year and still hasn't used the toilet. He's only been there for 2 and half weeks!

I'm just worried now why are they being so observant of him. Surely pre school would have told me if they had any issues. They said he was helpful and always getting involved in songs, dancing, painting etc. We do craft, stories, painting, cooking and dancing at home too. I sent them loads of photos of him with the class teddy who stayed for the weekend with him doing so many activities with the teddy.

The only issue I have with my son is his speech could be clearer and I'm doing phonics with him to help with his sounds.

My daughter wouldn't go to the toilet at preschool, I think she was worried about other children coming into the bathroom and it was probably also a reaction to being separated from me. Even though the teachers tried everything she only used the toilet a couple of times in a whole year. I used to volunteer there so had no concerns with the teachers, they were very nurturing and caring. After a while of trying I just sent her in in a nappy as she wasn't drinking her water so she didn't have to do a wee, she went to the toilet everywhere else though.

Your son hasn't been at nursery long so he's probably just getting used to it and once he's comfortable will use the toilet.

Should I ask the teacher for a meeting, if she has any concerns rather than phone calls here and there.

I feel like if they've made assumptions about me or my child, this early on, what kind of setting is this? And it's really putting me off sending him there for reception.

The reception teacher is quite rude to parents, I've heard her say to a few parents in front of everyone you need to wash and iron your children's clothes. She also said to a child infront of me urgh look at the state of your shirt (it was crinkled and not ironed). Bearing in mind, these are 4 and 5 year olds.

On mumsnet if the school or childcare setting call you to say anything remotely negative they are wrong or you immediately ask them what they are doing about said issue. Or why on earth didn't they call and inform you before.

Yes, but ringing up about not going to the toilet or upset at a group activity (same day). And then asking if he does this at home... He's only been there for just two weeks. Kids can have off days sometimes like we do. But assumptions made in 2 weeks can be dangerous too. I'm a secondary teacher and find this bizarre, again, I don't have experience in EYFS so that's why I'm unsure if this is standard practice.