SIDS anxiety

[OvertiredAndUnderwhelmed]

I should start by saying I am very anxious by nature but I am so so terrified of SIDS. My DS is 9 months, was born at 39+2 weighing 9lb 1oz. He is perfect in every way and we have followed safe sleep guidelines to the letter (slept in a crib in our room until 7 months, now in his own room, put to sleep feet to foot - although he now does gymnastics all around the cot every night - no loose covers etc) but I am STILL terrified about SIDS and sit and watch him breathing on the baby monitor for large parts of the night.
Has anyone else experienced this and if so, when did it ease?

I could have written this. My DD is 8 months and I literally check her every hour or so, she sleeps like a dream as well so I could, and should, be enjoying some lovely sleep. She started rolling onto her front to sleep, and despite me knowing she CAN roll herself back, I'd literally panic and start thinking the worst.

In the end, I called my GP last week. Mine was accompanied by frequent waking from nightmares also, but they diagnosed PPD and referred me for CBT and prescribed an initial low dose of anti anxiety meds to start.

Not saying you're the same, but thought it might be helpful to share. I've never sought any help for MH problems, but this one is just starting to get the better of me a bit.

Please reach out to your GP. It will get worse not better.

Thank you for replying - my son prefers to sleep on his side or on his front and I rationally know that this is fine as he can crawl and pull himself up and all sorts but I still feel like a terrible mum that he’s not on his back to sleep!

I can’t say I have horrible dreams - can I ask did you feel like you had PPD before you spoke to the GP? I don’t feel I meet the stereotypical criteria such as not binding with your baby etc

No, not at all. It was rough after she was born with a combination of colic and some personal/family drama at the same Time, but other than what I would consider some big hormone swings, I'd say everything was pretty normal.

I've always been careful with safe sleeping and I don't think there's a parent out there who hasn't reached out in the night to check their baby. But I noticed mine started getting a bit extreme. I'd wake up in a cold panic, or spend ages staring at the monitor, sometimes actually feeling relieved if she woke and cried as I knew she was ok, and gradually it started keeping me awake more and more. I spoke to a few friends who were really useful in making me realise my thoughts were a bit excessive vs "Normal protectiveness"

I would say it wouldn't hurt to have a chat with your GP. I explicitly said I didn't want meds as I didn't think there was anything "wrong", but we'll see how I feel in a few weeks. For me I think the CBT will be most effective.

We got an Owlet which goes on their feet and sets of an alarm if any issues with their oxygen levels etc. This helped me sleep much much better and whilst it’s not cheep I would definitely recommend it.

Definitely speak to your GP, what you're describing is abnormal levels of anxiety and you need some support. Hope they are able to offer some help soon.

I think you need to seek some psychiatric support. Your child is under a year so you’re still covered by the perinatal mental health team and should be seen quickly.

Obviously SIDS is in your mind when you have a baby, but my mindset was, I’ve done everything I can, so what will be will be. I can’t stop something of unknown cause. And my kid was a cracking sleeper, and I’d occasionally wake up and wonder if he was dead, as we all do, but I didn’t feed it by checking constantly as it wouldn’t change anything and would send anyone off the rails.

Very sorry this is so difficult for you, as others said please do consider speaking to GP. SIDS is so so rare, and sounds like you are doing everything right-this doesn’t sound sustainable way to be living

I have a very, very panicky friend who had all sorts of gadgets. They’d go off in error in the night when the baby was just deeply asleep and she was so unbelievably terrified each time that the extra monitoring had a hugely negative effect and she abandoned them all.

I also had extreme anxiety about SIDS.

My poor DD was constantly under surveillance and I was forever checking her breathing. Some nights I’d not sleep. I’d not even let my husband have her when she was asleep because I didn’t trust him to watch her ‘properly’.

I was a total mess, and my health visitor was worse than useless when I told her I wasn’t coping so well.

The owlet was very expensive but worth it for me. We never had any issues with it and I was able to sleep knowing that I’d be alerted if there were any issues with my wee one.

It’s only gone off twice in the 18 months we have had it - both times when she was actually in my arms awake and clearly it has become dislodged. It does occasionally lose connection / range, which is a different issue. But it’s definitely been a massive positive for us.

Thank you for the replies - I’m going to try to speak to the doctors on Monday.

Can I ask other people who are saying they were also worried about at what point the worry faded?

OP, is it actual SIDS or asphyxiation that you're worried about? Because they're lumped under the same umbrella but they're actually two very different things.

I honestly think that if you stop worrying about SIDS you will transfer your worries on to something else, unless you take steps to deal with the anxiety. Going to the doctor sounds like a great idea. I know if I’m in a worry spiral I can obsess about things, but this happens when my mental health is poor.

It’s SIDS - I know there’s nothing that he could asphyxiate on - I’m afraid that he will just suddenly stop breathing

Actual SIDS is so extremely rare in any case, but (and I'm sure you probably know this by now) the vast, vast majority of the tiny amount of cases that do occur, do so before the age of 4 months, after which the figure drops to practically zero.

Nevertheless, in the kindest possible way it does sound as though even if this reassured you, there is a likelihood that the irrational anxiety will only transfer to something else without help.

When I saw this title I assumed your little one would be weeks old - I definitely checked breathing multiple times overnight in the early stages, anxiety gradually tapered down and I think I read SIDS is almost unheard of after 6 months so the idea barely crossed my mind after that.

Have you been feeling like this the entire 9 months? You must be exhausted! The fact you are feeling like this at 9 months I think is a sign that you need some help with your mental health, and I'm glad to hear you're reaching out to your GP. I hope you get the help you need x