New mum

[JL642]

Hello - FTM I’ve posted a couple times recently! Thanks everyone for responses so far on my other posts!!

My baby is 10 weeks and although things are much easier than the first two weeks I’m still finding things tough. All the other mum’s I see or meet locally with babies the same age look much more put together - fresh hair, fresh make up nice earrings in, nails done, taking baby out for meals, travelled on the tube with the baby, taken baby to baby classes…

I am still struggling to put one foot in front of the other! I barely manage to brush my hair or shower everyday. I virtually wear the same outfit everyday for ease. It’s not great. We mainly have ready meals or oven cooked meals for dinner. Lunch I pre make on Sundays…. I have a to do list the length of my arm. The thought of having time to put make up on is laughable. I don’t feel confident enough to take my baby very far from my house. We are in London so don’t need to drive really but I haven’t taken her in the car anywhere myself yet, nor have we taken the train or bus anywhere alone.

For context baby is contact napping in the day, i BF, she barely lets me put her down. I can just about put her down on her bouncer or play mat for 5 mins which gives me time to run to the loo, but even then touch and go whether she is cryin by the time I am back from the loo!

What am I doing wrong or is this normal for 10 weeks?!!

Sounds pretty normal to me.

Also for context, I’m perfectly happy and love spending time with my baby!!!! It just bothers me when I see other mums looking so put together and I look quite frankly a mess.

Sounds normal

@Sucessinthenewyear and @Catdaft ok fine. Thank you. That is reassuring to hear!

I was confused why I look like I’m the only one chasing my tail and I got a bit stressed / down about it today so I think I was just looking for some reassurance that it sounds normal. Thank you.

No idea how these other women are looking like it’s a breeze but hey ho 🤣

Sounds completely normal to me! My baby is one and I managed to put make up on about once 😂

Honestly it will get easier. You just have to pick your priorities. If getting dressed up is important to you, do that. If it isn't, don't worry about it. Look for the other mums in tracksuit bottoms (or pyjamas on under their coat 😂).

A good fitting sling/carrier will enable you to have contact naps and still move about/do stuff. Then work towards naps in other places when you feel ready.

My baby is 10 weeks old too, EBF and all daytime naps are contact naps so I know exactly where you are coming from! The only time I'm able to leave the house looking like I've made some effort is when my husband is home to help out. He's just started to enjoy 20-30 minute playtimes on his baby gym, but I'd much rather sit and play with him while he's there than worry about getting ready. I'm sure it's all completely normal :)

Do you have a partner? Is he/she doing enough to facilitate you breastfeeding and looking after the baby?

Pshaw, im 18 months in and it's still a good day if i get my hair brushed!

(meant to say yes, this is very very normal)

I think you are doing an absolutely sensational job of being a mum, and are smashing it!! You sound dedicated to your baby and have some perspective. Don't compare yourself to others please for the love of god, every single person has their battles no matter what they look like on the outside. Take a deep breath and step back to basics. Find your own path x

Completely normal!
Would say you have no idea what time that mum got up to do that! My friend would get up at 5am an hour before her baby to shower/hair/makeup. Personally I preferred to sleep but it made her feel like she could face the world which I respected.

Because the other Mum’s in the same situation as you are napping themselves or watching Netflix while feeding and the little contact naps.

Honestly enjoy this time, feeding, sitting cuddling whilst they nap etc No need to be out and about looking fabulous. Get yourself to some baby groups when you feel ready but this what mat leave is for. Everyone has different priorities but I prefer the people who prioritise the cuddling feeding.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I often felt like this too at first. I actually spoke to a mum who looked like she had it all together and she told me 'it's a mask and underneath I'm drowning. I can't leave the house without sorting my mask, it's the only way I can face the day'.
My baby is 6 months old, my house is a mess, I have piles of washing, I don't always get chance to brush my hair or wear the best clothes but my baby is so happy and when I'm with her it doesn't actually matter! The time goes so fast so enjoy xx

With my eldest I was rarely ready to leave the house before midday until at least 3/4 months. Before then I'd shower with baby in a bouncer next to me usually crying. I did put make up on every day as it was part of what made me feel human again.

With my second my secret was waking up at 5:30am and getting ready between her feed at 5am and her getting up at 7am. I was knackered lol.

Thanks everyone this has made me feel more normal!

And yes good point about everyone having different priorities. Mine is definitly sleep!!

My baby is nearly 6 months and I still look homeless most days!!! He still contact naps so I barely have time to get ready. Regarding other things like taking baby out etc just so it when you feel ready too :)

@RoseslnTheHospital this is a good challenge. I think my partner is doing as much as he can but I think he is finding it tough too.

@sunseaandme thank you - sounds Like Me!

I have a teenager and look the same, I don't do hair make-up fancy clothes whatever life is too short

I am clean and unstained, that is enough for me

Just be happy with yourself

I've got a 13 week old, is my second so I really thought I'd have it sorted but I think with looking after 2 I'm much worse off.

This baby only does short naps 😡 so I'm mainly contact napping. No way I can make it anywhere on time.

I guess the put together mum's have babies who nap in the cot 🤷‍♀️

I do try and get out for one of her naps, have her in the carrier or the pram so I get some fresh air, daylight and listen to some music or something.

Hey @JL642
please don’t compare yourself with other mums - that way madness lies! As others have said, they will have different priorities from you, and different babies are tricky at different stages.

The one thing I would suggest is to get outside once a day - either with the buggy or the sling - as this makes such a difference to your mood. Also, the increasing daylight hours / changes in nature are a natural boost to optimism!

If I'm going out for the day I like to try and out make up on but if just popping to the shops/walk I won't bother. My second is 13 weeks and I have a 22 month old (the eldest goes to nursery 4 days a week and husband does drop offs so obviously that helps massively!)

I shower as soon as baby wakes and then get dressed. I have the most amazing pillow that I use for breastfeeding and contact naps - it means I'm hands free so can do my make up, emails, read etc etc so if I'm going out and want make up on I do that first and she'll generally fall asleep, if she's still awake and I'm ready I find that's a good time to head out in the car/for a walk and she'll sleep for a couple of hours.

It does mean other things I'd prioritise when I'm at home fall to the wayside that day, like making the bed, doing washing but I just get to that when I can. So 10% of the time I'm put together out of the house but my house will be a mess. 90% of the time I'm at home still in my PJs by 4pm but I'll have at least done the washing or made my bed.

It's all about balance!

Thanks all really helpful in making me feel at least slightly sane!!