I have a daughter from previous relationship and 2 year old child with husband. My husbands parents have been extremely unkind to my daughter at times and recently to me. I feel constant bad energy from them and am trying to decide if I should keep them away from causing further damage to my children and me. Would you?
examples:
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I saw mother in law pulling faces to father in law l behind my 7 year olds back (to say she was annoying- my daughter was deeply upset when she realised what had been happening).
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when we visited them with our newborn and left them in charge of both children for 30 mins (they offered so We could get some supplies). We returned to find my daughter (7 year old) sat on their stairs on her own in the dark playing on her I pad. When we asked why she was on her own there… she said, they told me to sit on the stairs so they could spend some quality alone time with my brother without me interfering. Again, my daughter was very brave but very hurt by this. She said she pretended to be on her I pad because her apps weren’t working (not even connected to network) and she didn’t want them to know she was upset. This was our first visit with newborn.
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Many comments directly to my daughter about her hair “feeling like spider webs” or other cruel remarks and things said to undermine her confidence. Calling her silly or stupid when she tries to talk to them (albeit it said in a joking way- they have not built up a relationship of trust). They also shut her down a lot/ treated her like a box ticking exercise.
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They claimed my baby son never asked or cried for me on overnights with them and was “good as gold” even though I later found out he had been crying and asking for me like any child would and regularly. They would say mummy’s working. By denying it even took place they never were willing to discuss what should be said to our baby. They would do as they pleased.
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they were emotionally manipulating my son in many different ways … ie- by constantly repeating their own names back to him so that my son would constantly say “Grampie” and making negative remarks about his sister… “you don’t want to go with Mummy to pick her up from school today do you” for instance, although ti sounds petty, over time to a baby- it became very difficult to see how his relationship with his sister turned into him hitting her or refusing to do small things with her.
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also, after returning from their home, my son wouldn’t want anything to do with his own father, my husband) I believe because his parents were always ramming themselves and “Daddy this” “Daddy that” down his throat so that he would come home and not want to be anywhere near his own Dad and just want Mummy. I heard them doing this before. I don’t think they realised how much their behaviour backfired but nonetheless it is unacceptable emotional game playing with a baby.
lastly, my husband parents have verbally abused me many times- one occasions over 45 minutes. They have claimed their son only married me to stop me from having an abortion, claimed I never cook and said many unsavoury things about me to my husband (not knowing I could hear this). None of this is true. I’m worried that they have long been alienating me from my son and will continue to do so. They refuse to apologise claiming they are entitled to their opinion of me which they air at the most inappropriate times.
i don’t trust them at all (because of their behaviour) and don’t want them injecting their pollution into my children or our space. My husband recognises they have behaved cruelly but I suppose every few discussions about it - he tries to change my mind and repeats their claims of alienation! I recognise they are his parents. However, they have insulted me as a person, a woman, a wife, a mother and have undermined my daughter and behaved unhealthily with my son.
they also don’t seem to have any boundaries with my son, playing with his tongue with theirs, sharing ice creams and being naked around him.
I’ll save the details of many cruel things they have said to me - their commentary and insults are completely unwarranted deeply
unkind, personal and I feel traumatised by them. They even blamed me for my husband having an affair. I don’t think I could have been in a more vulnerable place when they chose to berate me about his affair (1 hour long rant of how I was not emotionally there for him). I’m the breadwinner and have always been available to my
husband- he loved a double life and I thought we were happy. I was completely deceived. Despite all of this, I am
still working on our marriage but it’s the kids that I want to do the right thing for. What would you do?!?
Thoughts please?