Stranger Danger; DD (6yo) starts school this year, how can I teach her to walk alone to school safely?

[kindersurprise]

DD will start school in August. She will be 6 in April. It is common here for the children to be taken to school for the first month or so, then be allowed to walk alone (or rather, with other children but without parents).

There will be a policeman going to the kindergarten to teach them about road safety.

What should I be teaching her about stranger danger? How much information is enough, without her getting scared? Did you use a book to help explain this, and if so can you recommend one?

Thanks

If it's the norm where you live I would ask other parents there how they broach the issue.
I think you'll find on MN that NOBODY in Britain would let a 6yo go the distance alone, so they haven't had to tackle the issue in the way you will have to, with respect to your child's age and maturity, culture, etc.

Yes, I do realise that in British terms, she is young to go to school alone. But surely some of the British parents have talked to their DCs about not speaking to strangers?

Hi kindersurprise, you must live in a lovely area to be able to allow your 6 year old to walk to school, I'm in Merseyside and I still take/collect my 8 and 10 year old children to school.

I sent off for a book published by the Home Office by Michele Elliott, illustrated by Alice Englander, called 'Feeling happy Feeling Safe', it covers topics such as Feeling Safe, Getting Lost, Saying No, Bullies, Someone You Don't Know, Touching, and Secrets. It's illustrated lovely and done in a non-frightening way. HTH

Realistically, wherever you live, strangers pose very little danger to your kids. I would talk to her about trusting her instincts, and sticking to the plan for going to and from school - more likely she'd get distracted and lose her way than that the Evil Man in a Car would take her away, iyswim.

I think one important thing to tell them is that if they feel unsure, or if someone tries to get them to go with them, it's okay to shout "I don't know you" or similar - we spend so much time telling them to be polite to adults, and not to scream and shout, that we need to tell them that there are situations (albeit very, very unlikely ones) where this behaviour is okay.

Browny
It is more of a cultural thing than the area where we live. Here in Germany most children go to school alone, it is in fact encouraged by the schools as it seen as an important part of their emotional development.

I will ask my mum to send off for the book from the home office. Don't know if I can order it from here.

NQC
You are right of course, that she is unlikely to be abducted by strangers but I would feel better if she was warned, iyswim. She is not likely to get lost, the village is not really big enough to get lost in

Fair enough, re: getting lost.

The book I'd push for personal safety is a (rather annoying, tbh) book called The Gift of Fear, that talks about trusting your instincts. It's for adults, but you might be able to apply the principles to talking to kids about personal safety?

Well, if it were me, I would have absolute rules.

• No getting into a car with anyone except named people or someone you've arrranged in advance -- even if it's someone she might think of as close friend of the family or mum of one of her friends. Because you can't expect her at 6 to know who is really ok and who isn't. She needs to know how to politely decline any offers from a lift.

• Ditto for going into other people's houses.

Unless you really would want her to accept a lift like it was pouring down rain, but personally I wouldn't. I would just want to keep the rules hard and simple at this age.

You can run thru practice scenarios. Someone asks her "Can you help me find my lost puppy?" what should she say? Or "Would you like a sweet" how does she say "No thanks" Or "Your mother told me to take you home" -- how to handle that one?

What if a complete stranger did try to grab her -- should she drop her bags and run? Maybe that's when you completely want her to run up to anyone she does know and ask them for help, and accept what's on offer (that person might not really be safe, but better bet than grabbed by a stranger).

You might arrange a code-word -- that would really mean you had asked a friend to get her. But 6yo is awfully young to keep the code-word secret, AND to even remember it. (my 6yo would struggle with both).

But all that sounds SO complicated to me for a 6yo to grasp, and I don't know enough about Germans to guess what would be seen as culturally ok there. Which is why I think you have to get as much feedback from local parents as possible.

I come from Sweden so I can relate to this. Definitely the norm for children to walk alone after the first month.

Here in England, in the southern lower/middle class city where we live, it seems to be the norm to let children walk alone from the ages of 9/10, depending on the parents, though I have let my 7yo do most of the walk up to school, and was quite happy for 11yo dd to take him (when she was able to walk). There are so many people walking up to school at the same time, and I feel he knows so many people in the community that there will be some protection there.

Some parents are more nervous and like to leave it to secondary school (11/12)- then they are expected to go alone on the bus. Personally, I had rather let my dc's have a bit of practice before they got to that stage.

What I have told ds is that there are some people who are made so that they want to hurt children (no details), I have stressed that they are very few, but that unfortunately you can't tell from the outside. Therefore he must not go with anyone and must not go up to speak to anyone in a car. Have also suggested that he walk with parties of other children/mums.

Thanks NQC, will look for that.

Flack
Good points about naming people acceptable to pick her up. She really should not need picked up, even if it is raining. It is only a 5 minute walk.

I will ask some of our friends here. I know there are books in German but I was hoping there was something similar in English.

The children I used to look after went to live in Switzerland and they were expected to walk to school by themselves and they did.

The mum was asked why didn't she send her DS to pick DD (4) up from kindergarten - he was just 7!

You see children all the time walking on their own, the first few weeks of kindy are also spent learning to cross the road safely and they wore special florescent bands.

Parents were not seen at the school gate!