Is it normal to be THIS exhausted with a baby?

[Oceandevotion]

Please bare with as I’m a first time parent.
I have a very happy and active baby 8 months old. I love being a mum, but some days I am on my knees with exhaustion and not sure if it’s normal or am doing something wrong.
I have very little hands on support from family/friends but do have a supportive husband. I go to a breastfeeding peer support group and meet mums for play dates/walks which is great.
I bed share as boy has always and still wakes every 2 hours so am still constantly tired I know many do to nurse for comfort or food so am not worried about it. Really just wondering if anyone else feels so exhausted that they are broken sometimes? (I do really want a sibling for baby but feel like there’s no chance as I can only just cope with one). Thanks (pretty embarrassed about this).

Ah you poor thing, it's brutal. Nothing at all to be embarrassed about btw!

It is indeed normal to be exhausted, especially with nights like that. However if you think there's a chance you're more tired than you should be, you should speak to your GP. I have several friends who had thyroid trouble post pregnancy, and one for whom the tiredness was a sign of something more serious. Definitely worth getting checked out.

You could have low iron or low vitamin D or it could just be lack of sleep. Tell your GP about how tired you are and if they don't offer you a blood test ask for one. I don't think there's a way to work it out without getting a test.

I had low iron and I thought it was because of lack of sleep as soon as I went on the iron tablets I had more energy. I would never have known.

Good luck.

Since he's 8 months though he's ready for some gentle sleep training to help him self soothe. Self soothing is a life skill that they have to learn. It's for them as much as it is for you.

Yep. I only felt like I went back to “normal” at 12 months when she started sleeping a little better.

Just recently, at 3, she’s started sleeping poorly again. I feel exhausted again 💤

Make sure you’re taking a breastfeeding vitamin though, make sure you’re getting what you need. I think half The problem is that I need more vitamins - maybe iron

It’s the sleep deprivation. Even though my 3 yr old wasn’t reliably sleeping through after a bout of illnesses my 3 year old isn’t sleeping well and I’m God I’m exhausted. I have totally noticed the difference. There is a reason it is used for torture.

Thanks so much for the advice everyone and good to know I’m not alone!
Great ideas, I’ve just ordered a breastfeeding multivitamin as a start.

Omg I could have written this myself. My DD is 8 months old too. She’s in a sleep regression and refuses to go in her cot so out of desperation I’m co sleeping with her, she just won’t go in the cot AT ALL now and waking all the time. I thought it was supposed to get easier but I sometimes feel like in the newborn stage again, I’m absolutely exhausted too.
no advice but solidarity

Sending hugs!

I could have written this too, I am lucky enough (currently) to have a baby who sleeps for longer periods at night so I really shouldn’t be feeling this tired, should I? Utterly wiped out most of the time! Solidarity.

No idea but I'm also soooo tired !

My bubs is 6m and not the best sleeper but when she does long stretches I'm awake thinking she is going to wake any minute !

Solidarity x

Ask for a thyroid check. Pregnancy can trigger autoimmune conditions and the symptoms of some - weight gain, hair loss, anxiety, exhaustion - are all so normal in early motherhood that it often goes undetected.

Eight months is brutal. Sleep for us improved around 10 months then again at 12, and my brain and energy returned.

It's pretty normal to be very exhausted if you are not getting any good quality, long stretches of sleep.

I feel you. I have an 8 month old also and I feel wrecked! The worst part is he sleeps really well (for now) and has done for several months so I’m not sure why I feel so exhausted all the time. I also take vitamin D and a multi vitamin but it doesn’t seem to help. I had my bloods done - everything fine and doctors recommended taking contraceptive pill to help?! I lost almost 4 litres of blood during c-sec and am still in pain, feels like I lost my old body and will never recover :(

Urgh sleep deprivation. I've never been so tired than I was when DD1 woke me up every hour or so. I find if you can get a solid 4-5 hour block it's loads easier than if you're woken up every hour or two. We sleep trained at 1!

Ignore this 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ ..Totally outdated dinosaur advice.

Get The Wonder Weeks app - it is invaluable. You’ll be able to track their developmental leaps and disturbed sleep periods more.

8 month olds are most definitely not ready for sleep training (read: parent neglect). Plus they go through numerous additional developmental leaps that will firmly put you back to square one and force you to “train” them again. They don’t need training they need their mum/parents/caregiver.. you’re doing everything right. Children learn over time how to self soothe w/o ‘training’.

Good advice re: vitamins and iron. 8 months particularly is a tricky time with sleep

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture!!! With my first baby (hard work) I didn't start to feel normal until past the age of 1. You are not alone! Also the other people who seem to have their shit together are struggling with something - just not showing it!

Are you getting much sleep. I use to express a bottles worth. I'd go to bed at 8pm after we put ds down , he use to do his longest sleep 8-12 then dh would give him the bottle and he would have another 2 hours so id get a good 6 hour block which meant I coped with the two hourly wakings in the middle of the night. Could your dh keep him down stairs so you can get some sleep?

I had a nervous breakdown due to lack of sleep and the pressure of parenting around the clock. Due to that I chose not to have another child. Not everyone struggles like this - some have easier babies, some have more help.

Gentle sleep training isn't dinosaur advice or neglect @Creative34

You might not want to sleep train your child, but it can be the difference between being able to cope and not being able to cope for others.

Gentle sleep training might involve patting rather than feeding, hardly neglect. It doesn't help anyone to dramatise things so much. Sleep training is about changing sleep associations do they don't think they need milk/rocking etc to go to sleep. That's all.

I don't know how old your child is, the parents I know who went for extended co sleeping etc can still be doing it into the school years. Fine if they're happy with it but incompatible with work, relationships etc for others.

Sure wonder weeks is great, you ask it why your kids is gringey and it says they're going through a developmental leap, that'll be £15 please.

Oh and I wouldn't worry about siblings just now! You need to let your body recover from the last pregnancy. Around 18 months I could just about see how concerning again would be achievable and desirable!

It's about this age that we started sleep training. When I realised I was too tired to safely drive ...

Yea it's brutal! Just hang in there as it will get better.

Is there anything else your husband can help with? I remember doing a feed around 7pm and handing the baby to husband while I went to bed early some nights to help in the early days.

The only other thing to consider is to speak to your GP. Pregnancy made me have thyroid issues which led to being more tired 😴

I think you’re a hero. I felt the same at 8 months but mine was formula fed, slept mostly through the night and I definitely didn’t co-sleep as I couldn’t bear his wriggly little body next to me at night. Anyone that is breastfeeding, bedsharing and waking up every two hours deserves a medal. Get your DH to help. Sleep deprivation is absolutely brutal. Another thing that helped my DS was to give weetabix or porridge before bed. Gave me another couple of hours sleep before he woke up again.