Some advice please

[ChaCha]

DS1 (2.2yrs) can be very loving and gentle with his younger brother (1 year old) but can also be very rough with him

Just now as I was readying their clothes for going out I watched DS1 push DS2 straight down onto his face, as i moved over to pick him up DS1 pushed him again (he hardly had a chance to even get back up) so hard that he hit his head off the safety gate before going down. I hadn't time to think about what to do next and ended up giving DS1 a smack on his leg. I have gone out into the kitchen since, phoned DH and had a bit of a cry. I know that i reacted in the wrong way but how am i supposed to teach DS1 that this is wrong - it's becoming the norm - push/hit DS2 whenever he gets in his way, plays with something he wants etc.. I have been watching them now while i type and DS1 has been playing with him without being aggressive - i doubt it will last.

I really need some advice, I love my boys and don't want to resort to what i did ever again - how do i teach him that his behaviour is not on? He keeps coming over and asking me for cuddles, i feel awful.

Help?!

please don't feel bad, under the circumstances it's not just something any other parent might do but probably a useful one too - don't know how old your sons are but maybe it was an effective message? it hurts to push/slap and mum can only be provoked so far.

it's not like you regularly beat them or lock them in a cupboard or something, you're human. give yourself a break.

Don't give yourself too much of a hard time, I find it really hard with mine when they start fighting, its very much a love-hate relationship between them!

Have you tried a 'naughty' step or corner? Somewhere you can put your ds that is very boring and shows him that his behaviour is unacceptable.

And then lots of praise and cuddles when he is behaving well and being nice to his brother

All I can remember about having two pre-schoolers on my hands is that prevention went quite a long way - if you can identify any sort of pattern to the behaviour (is it worse at any given time? better after they have had naps/meals or are absorbed in some activity or other?) you're halfway to managing it by changing the situations it occurs in most often, perhaps by separating them at certain times or giving them something to do that keeps them occupied/distracted.

But if it's just a constant, rolling problem I sympathise. Agree about positive reinforcement like mintchips suggests, I don't think the naughty step idea was around when mine were tiny.

Thanks for replies.

Mintchips - How long would you keep them on a naughty step? What do you use? DS finds everything amusing/game, i honestly don't see him taking anything like that seriously but is worth a try.
He is constantly praised too, whenever he repeats such behaviour he claps his hands and says 'good boy' or asks me to look at what he's done. It's just keeping my cool i guess and trying to make him understand that he can't hit/push DS2 without resorting to smacking/yelling.

Let me know about this naughty step, have heard of it but honestly didn't contemplate it.

Thanks Vacua, like now while i post here have dressed them both ready to go and have given DS1 his crayons and activity book. DS2 has building blocks and a fire engine to play with but being a one year old is up at DS1's table 'annoying' him and trying to take crayons. This is perhaps when i should be separating them...maybe DS1 feels he has no space free from little brother....hmmm.

I remember being SO tired and stressed at times that it was difficult to plan ahead, and supervising them while trying to get on with vital stuff like cooking was a real challenge

if it's any consolation one day it will be a distant memory!

Awww..thanks Vacua! My mum keeps telling me that they'll grow up so quickly and to cherish every day with them.....i do try honest!!! S'pose being PG too doesn't help but can't always use it as an excuse.

Anyway, they have had enough of what they've been doing so best get out and about. Will pop back later in hope of more good advice.

Thanks all x

They say its for every minute of their lives but I don't really stick to that. We use the bottom stair and it is only as a last resort after a warning.

At first they do see it as abit of a game- especially dd2 who would just get up and runaway and sometimes it would seem that I spent the whole time fetching her back, but it has worked after perservering (sp??). We always have a big cuddle afterwards and they apologise to whoever they've hurt.

We've also had reward charts which worked but it just became another job for me to get done, but thats just me being lazy!!

I think consistancy is the most important thing. Find something that works for you and stick to it.

Wow when's number 3 due?

It is really hard to stretch yourself between the kids and everything else and when they fight it makes it 10 times harder.

Like Vacua says it does get easier!

Have a good day