Really mixed feelings on toddler's birthday

[hcopp]

My DS1 turns 3 today. He's spending the day with his childminder and friends there before a party tea with family at home tonight, and he'll have a whale of a time.

I'm feeling really odd this morning though, in a way I don't remember happening on his previous birthdays. He was born late on a Sunday night, after labour had started in the early hours of Saturday morning. My overwhelming memories of that weekend is pain, frustration, fear, more frustration, being prodded and poked and injected, and eventually (it felt) being told I wasn't progressing, I wasn't trying hard enough, etc. The overwhelming positive memory wasn't seeing him for the first time, but the spinal block injection in theatre just before assisted delivery which was the most incredible wave of relief.

Does anyone else ever feel odd like this on birthdays? We want to celebrate our children and the joy of having them, but the march of time through the day itself brings back some fairly painful memories.

I did do a birth reflections call with the hospital about 18 months later, so I at least got a better understanding medically of what went on.

For the first couple of years, yes, but when they actually get interested in their birthday themselves it changed a lot. My second was premature and I’ve heard a lot of mothers of premies say similar, as it marks a day that was actually quite traumatic. I know a couple of women with PTSD from their births (for me it was late pregnancy that gave me nightmares, the birth was actually fine up to a point) and I think it’s much more common than it realised.

Thanks for that, @Eixample . It's a good point. My son has a speech delay, which really inhibits excitement over things like birthdays or other upcoming events. We can explain things until the cows comes home, but never really knows if he gets what's going on. Really hoping for some improvement in that in the coming months.