PLEASE HELP ME - I am struggling with my 3-y o dd and newborn ds

[peggotty]

I am just about at the end of my tether - my dd has just turned 3 and I have a 3 week old ds - I can't cope. I am being absolutely bloody vile to my dd I am scared I am going to do her emotional damage - I can't speak to her without a horrible impatient tone and spend most days shouting at her. She is obviously reacting to the baby by being cheeky stroppy etc but I am doing EVERYTHING
wrong in the way I am handling her. I am struggling with bf-ing my ds and have no time or patience with anything else - I feel like I am out of control of myself. I don't know what to do. It's not her fault I've had a baby but I resent her presence, I just wish she wasn't around at the moment - how shit does that make me. I don't deserve children.

Just a small point- there is quite a lot a dh can do while you are still breastfeeding:

he can get up in the night and do the post-feed dirty nappy (I had my dh, my Mum and my Dad lined up doing shifts when ds was newborn)

he can bath or wash the baby in the evening leaving you with precious dd time

he can bring drinks to both his girls in the evening(make it a special girly occasion)

he can plan a special activity for his big girl in the evening, something that silly little babies can't do

if he is free at the week-end he can take the baby out for a walk between feeds

it may even be possible, once bf is established and you are not so tired, to let him feed a bottle of expressed milk in the evening

I found I could get masses of work out of dh if I really tried

Following on from Cory's post, in our house DH has taken responsibility for the older children, leaving me to deal with the baby. This has worked for us because, like many men, he just doesn't really 'get' babies so it works really well. The older ones are having such a good time having 'treats' with Daddy (even if its just a trip to the swings).

Of course he's not around all the time as he has to work, but when he does it compensates. It just means that if DD1 watches Peppa Pig alot on Friday, he will take them swimming on Saturday. It just takes the pressure off a bit.

My baby is 6 months old now. DD1 is 3.3, at the moment she has a friend here and they are playing in her bedroom. Although adding extra children into the house seems like madness, its actually giving me a break. Perhaps you have someone who could drop a playmate in for an hour? (providing the playmate is toilet-trained and capable - or no, it is an incredibly bad idea )

Just wanted to say thanks for all the help everyones posted. Im going to be in the same position as the op at the end of april (ds1 will be 3.4), and was worrying about the hard work - and it sounds like its going to be!!

marmaduke thanks a million, it will help. l'll print and keep. if nothing else to show dh that bedtime routine is somewhat longer than 5 min (he thinks we're doing it wrong atm taking 1/2hour )