Am I a shit mum?

[mumplustwoo]

Im 29 I have DC1 who is 3 and DC2 is 15 months. They have both been high needs babies since the set go and I believe DC1 may have additional needs potentially ADHD.

I just don't know if I was made to be a mum. I love my kids to death and am really overprotective of them. But I really struggle when I have them both on my own. They are very whingey and hyperactive. DC1 just doesn't sit still, answers back and is very demanding. DC2 is very needy and constantly wants to be held. I try to get out and about with them but it can be stressful with 2 so I end up staying in the house all day which just sends me loopy.

Thankfully DC1 is now going to school 5 days a week so that will make life easier but I'm contemplating putting DC2 in nursery 1 day a week meaning I'd have half a day to myself. Is that awful though? I would feel so guilty but I also need some time to breathe.

Dh is very good but works all week. We are up a lot in the night with both kids so are exhausted. If I'm honest, I am really struggling mentally. We don't have much help with childcare. We both feel like we are just surviving at the moment and not living. I feel so awful saying this as I should be enjoying every moment of my kids being young but I find it so hard .... am I awful?

Any advice please x

Forgot to mention, I work 3 days a week, 11 hour shifts...

Ignore all the 'enjoy every moment' bollocks that people like to beat parents down with. Parenting can be really fucking relentless a lot of the time.

Don't feel guilty or bad or another nonsense for putting your youngest into childcare to claim back some time for you. If you can afford it then do it. You can't pour from an empty cup, after all!

No you are not awful I suspect. Babies and young children can be hard work. It can most times get better - DC1 at school and half a day to yourself might make all the difference

Don't leap to the conclusion you are a shit mum because you are tired and not perfect. All best to you 💐

It's a brutal stage when they are that age especially if one is hyperactive. You're not a shit mum, you've just got to survive until they're a bit older and at least one is at school. If you notice the odd moment here and there where you find joy in them great. But don't beat yourself up if you don't

Definitely put the younger one in nursery one day a week and get some respite, you sound exhausted. It's a long haul and parents need to be in good mental condition themselves for their children.

The big issue I think is the lack of sleep- without a full nights sleep no one can take on toddlers happily. What’s the sleep problem- perhaps we can help there

It's not you. You're juggling a lot. Put the younger one in nursery as much as you can afford. Even if you only use that day to do the house and run errands it will do you good doing it in peace.

Absolutely this ⬆️Children thrive best with happy as possible mum not stressed and over tired mum. It's a hard bloody job raising a family and the pockets of joy are only visible when you are awake enough to appreciate them 😊

OK, so you can't pour from an empty cup.

I don't know what your dream day is - holiday? spa? etc - but I suspect you wouldn't enjoy that right now given how knackered you are. On that basis, why would you enjoy the daily grind that is parenting and working?? Please don't beat yourself up - it can feel relentless. I am sure you love your kids and that you are a great Mum.

Not awful at all, sounds like you are doing a fantastic job especially with working 3 days a week as well! I struggle with one toddler! Please take that break, you deserve it x