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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

My kids don't listen at all.

31 replies

Inkdrinker · 31/01/2023 19:04

I have three kids, aged 10, 6 and 5.
For the most part the 10 year old listens, she may sulk about it but will do it.

My 5 and 6 year olds are rude. They shout at me, they scream and whine when they don't get their way. I have to ask and ask for them to do anything and even then they don't do it. I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do but I'm at my wits end. I'm so low right now and I feel like an absolutely rubbish parent.

My 6 year old is the worst, she has no respect for any of us and I don't even know how to discipline her anymore as I feel like I've tried every thing. They're both absolute angels in school, so I know they know how to behave. Why am I so rubbish at this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cestlavielife · 02/02/2023 08:05

Did the kids see thedv? Were you able to access counselling?
Is partner their dad?
If they see him shout they will copy
He needs to stop shouting too
Ask for support via school parenting classes etc

Read "how to talk so kids will listen"

'It normally ends up with my partner shouting at them which then triggers me as I have previous DV"

Original poster

Inkdrinker · 02/02/2023 16:34

cestlavielife · 02/02/2023 08:05

Did the kids see thedv? Were you able to access counselling?
Is partner their dad?
If they see him shout they will copy
He needs to stop shouting too
Ask for support via school parenting classes etc

Read "how to talk so kids will listen"

'It normally ends up with my partner shouting at them which then triggers me as I have previous DV"

The kids didn't witness the dv.
It was my eldest's father, she was 2 at the time. They have only now put me forward to trauma therapy, which I have been asking for years.

My partner isn't my eldest's bio dad, but is to the other two. He's been with me for 8 years and in all ways except biologically he is my eldest's dad too.

He doesn't usually shout, but when the kids are all screaming and misbehaving, it's incredibly hard not to lose your temper. He does know he needs to not shout, he is trying, it's just incredibly difficult.

School said their behaviour isn't an issue at home and I have done parenting classes in regards to my SEN 5 year old and I haven't found them of much help.

OP posts:

Original poster

Inkdrinker · 02/02/2023 16:37

Perfect28 · 31/01/2023 19:43

Yes there should always be consequences but I think it's really really important to focus on the positive behaviour and notice every single time they do something kind, brave, thoughtful, show resilience etc. All the behaviours you want to see. Celebrate and reward. Try to remember that they feel unhappy, that's why they are lashing out. Most likely they want to do the right thing and they want attention and connection.

I really do try. Every time they do something good, I point it out and encourage it but it has little effect on their negative behaviour.

I've tried sitting with them when they're crying to see if we can talk it through but unless I give in to what they want, they continue to cry and shout at me.

OP posts:

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10 year olds 6 year olds Families General parenting

Original poster

Inkdrinker · 02/02/2023 16:38

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/01/2023 19:20

My 5yr old is so trying- I just send her to her room constantly and I will continue to do so on the hope she will eventually learn

It's hard work, I'm wary about sending them to their room though as I don't want them to associate it with negative things.

Sometimes, I feel so stuck I want to walk out 😔

OP posts:

Original poster

Inkdrinker · 02/02/2023 16:40

LittleLegoWoman · 01/02/2023 08:59

With the 6 year old would a timer work? So you have 3 minutes to go and get your underwear and socks from your drawer. Or you have 5 minutes to get dressed, here’s your clothes. Consequence for not being ready when the timer goes off is that they will be late for school/activity!

The timer worked wonders this morning with getting the kids ready for school this morning. Thank you xx

OP posts:

LittleLegoWoman · 02/02/2023 17:11

Inkdrinker · 02/02/2023 16:40

The timer worked wonders this morning with getting the kids ready for school this morning. Thank you xx

Show quote history

Oh that’s good news! Sometimes it’s just being able to point to something objective like a timer that can de-escalate the situation and it stops being about mummy shouting, then shouting louder when it doesn’t work. Some kids just really like timers and racing against the clock. Hopefully it keeps working for your 6yrvold good long while!

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