Friends 3 yr old a bad influence

[Nmum21]

It makes me so sad to write this but one of my best friends has a 3 year old (nearly 4) who is so naughty and whenever he is around my younger son they are both horrendous. I feel like he is a bad influence and whenever my son has been around him his behaviour is awful. I love my friend but feel she is a bit of a soft touch. I tell off my son when he is naughty but she barely says a thing and it’s driving me mad. What do I do? Stop him seeing him altogether?

Cut down the meet ups. Or meet in parks or soft play where the impact is less.

Yes, stop. It’s stressful and unenjoyable for you. It sounds like your dc has it in the locker so the other child isn’t a bad influence, they just bring out the worst in your dc. I had a friendship that ran its course also and we slowly drifted apart as a result. You could stick to adult only meet ups with the excuse, it’s nice to get out without the dc.

Seems a bit harsh to say that about a 3 year old. In what way is he a bad influence?

Encourages him to be naughty, my son copies everything he does. I don’t necessarily think it’s his fault my son is naughty but more like I’m on my own when it comes to parenting. I’m telling mine off but he has no consequence. My son doesn’t behave like this around other children. Perhaps they are bad influences on each other. I wonder if I’m more frustrated my friend doesn’t take his behaviour more seriously rather than at him.

Honestly, whenever you have a play date with two 3 year olds, two 4 year olds, even two 5 year olds, they will get carried away and start misbehaving and acting generally wild. You think her DC is the bad influence, she almost certainly thinks yours is, because you each see your child behave in a way that wouldn't happen if they were playing by themselves at home. At this age they are still learning how to play together rather than just doing parallel play. Reality is that the situation brings out the worst behaviour in both of them. That's why meet ups and play dates at that age should be short and closely supervised.

By the time they are 7 years old, things will calm down.

Just meet up as adults and try again in a couple of years. They clearly bring out the worst in each other.

To be honest your probably doing her a favour. You sound like one of those mothers that thinks her child can do no wrong but in reality your child is probably just as bad. They are literally toddlers it's not like the 3 year old is handing out cigarettes, they are still learning and constantly barking at them to get along isn't going to work either.

A child of nearly 4 is absolutely capable of poor behaviour, and anyone who thinks they're not is living under a rock!

I'm not saying it's his fault; it sounds like it's poor parenting, lack of boundaries, perhaps copying language or behaviours he's seen at home.

Just cut down on the play dates. It's no fun carrying on like this. And ignore the pp who said you sound like the 'perfect mother.' There's no such thing, but it's entirely reasonable to bring your child with boundaries and an understanding of not being a pain in the ass to others, and if being with this other child is making things harder to do that, it's time to back away

Poster has not stated enough details on what the bad behaviour actually is, it could be something as simple as silliness or it could be swearing, nasty attitude, hitting. Sounds like the posters child is just copying not being encouraged.

No one called her a perfect parent just sounds like the kind of parent that blames everyone else's child for their child's behaviour and there's plenty of them around.

Don't meet up with the dc, see her without them. Problem solved.

OP said My son doesn’t behave like this around other children.
She also said her friend doesn't discipline her child for poor behaviour
Pretty clear that that's the issue

I cut a mum friend and her kid out because of her kid ms behaviour, but actually it was more to do with the mum's inability to see and address the behaviour. It was too stressful. I don't think kids need to share everything and be in a good mood all the time. This mum would say no twice and then give in to her toddler but with a really bad grace. She gave her loads of sugary crap before lunch and then would get cross she wouldn't eat dinner or sit still but think it was an innate personality issue. She would complain my child whinges all the time, but tbh it always worked for her so I can't see how it was going to change. She would get upset that her parents would tell her she's spoiling her, encouraging bad habits but
only so far as being angry with them for insulting her parenting and golden child.

I was coming to the end of but line when her kid hit mine and she refused to tell her off and started making excuses. Small kids hit each other from time to time that doesn't bother me, this was my youngest so used to toddler politics, but they need to be told that's not okay. It doesn't need to be loud or angry but it needs dealing with.

OP try and see her for some child free time, or make meet ups less frequent and in busier spots like soft play if you want to maintain your friendship, otherwise sit back a bit and give it some time before trying again.

I don't know why some people are saying your kid is likely to be just as bad, spot the parents with badly behaved children. I'd cut down on playdates and limit to parks as PP have said. There is definitely a difference in children's behaviour and some are really naughty, some are actually quite mean and nasty (not many, but there are a few. It's quite disturbing to see).

It would be helpful to know what the "naughty" behaviour actually is. It could be you and your friend have different ideas about what is acceptable.

Slightly different situation but I slowly drifted away from a mum friend when our children were that age.

my ds was very sensitive , gentle and quiet and her dd was boisterous, loud and quite aggressive at times. My ds was pushed and pulled and he would literally shake if this child’s name was mentioned,

i work in early years and have a “boisterous and determine” child who does unfortunately cause mayhem and the other children do copy him. If we speak to mum about his behaviour (pushing, pulling, being cheeky) she always says oh not my child, it must be his friends and he’s copying them .

I had the same thing with a mum friend and I noticed similar parenting from when her DC was 1 year old. I tried to persevere but nothing really changed. In my case it was not teaching her DC to share and letting her get away with taking toys and would just say "DD isn't good at sharing" as if that made it OK. Now our kids are 3.5 years old and we don't have play dates anymore. We sometimes meet up for a drink and that's nice but l don't think it's worth the stress of meeting up with kids.