Sending toddler to nursery on mat leave

[Keha]

I have a 2 month old and a nearly 3 year old DD, currently on mat leave. DD will get 30hours nursery place in April and we have a nursery place lined up for when I go back to work in autumn. I am keen for her to start going to nursery though in April. They only have afternoons available currently so we would be looking at 2 afternoons a week. She already goes to grandparents 2 afternoons a week (different grandparents). DH works shifts which are all over the place but include 12 hour days and nights so I often have DC for quite long stretches on my own and also do all night wakes. My DD is also quite clingy to me, maybe because of the baby but she was like that anyway. Me and DH have had quite a lot of discussion/argument about the balance of housework/rest/childcare recently. Generally we have a good relationship and I think a lot of this is just adjusting to new baby. However he has implied that he doesn't think DD needs to start nursery so soon, that he doesn't understand why I want her "out of the house" more, implies that there may be an issue with my relationship with her, queried whether I'm depressed.
The cost of nursery is not an issue. Because his shifts vary he is keen she is at home as well on the off chance he is not working that day. He does take her out but for a couple of hours at a time and the rest of the time she'll generally prefer me to do everything with her. I feel like she would benefit from more stimulation that nursery can provide and I would really like more afternoons to nap, play with baby, get jobs done round the house. On days where he at work for 12 hours, I do struggle and if she was in nursery for the afternoon this would really help me. I want her to enjoy nursery, not feel like she is being rejected though?

Any thoughts? Am I unreasonable for being happy/okay with a plan for her to be in childcare 4 afternoons a week? Would this indicate a problem? Is it a bad idea for her? (She loves going to grandparents and toddler groups etc so I do think she would grow to love nursery). Did you send an older child to nursery on mat leave or keep them both at home?

My 2y9m old DD goes to nursery 2 mornings a week, on my days off from work. My DH also didn’t like the idea but it’s been the best decision I’ve ever made because she’s come on leaps and bounds since. It’s been so good for her. Do what you think is best for your DC.

My 2 year old (26 months) absolutley loves nursery- they do things with his that I dont have the time or resources to do and he loves the stimulation and being around other kids. It also means I get more quality time with my 3 month old. We have no family near by and if my 2 year old were not in nursery 3 days a week, I think I would go mad. I have them both on my own on a Monday as DH works and it is by far the hardest day of the week, I didnt eat anything today until 2.30pm and I was throughly exhausted and ready to give up by 4.

Nursery is really great for kids, your daughter will love it. Research studies show that children who go to nursery are far less likely to suffer from mental health problems later in life and there social skills are much better. I wouldnt be able to get through my maternity leave with my sanity in tact if my eldest wasn't in nursery for 3 days - I wish I could afford to up it to 4 if I'm honest.

Perhaps he should be spending more of his time off with her. Before and after work. Days off. All of his free time should be him and her. Not just these little couple of hours here and there like he’s doing now. Whilst he’s at it, he can take DC2 more as well. No reason he wouldn’t, unless there’s an issue with his relationship with them? Right??

DH is being ridiculous. DD got alone time with you, it’s nice the baby will too. It’s also nice that you’ll be less burnt out when dd is around.
and it’s good that dd will get to go to nursery in short bursts, to get used to it before she actually has to be there because you are back at work.