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Parenting

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Original poster

What am I doing wrong? So so unhappy

24 replies

helpurrrr · 30/01/2023 10:31

12 week old has slept five hours once, other than that been up two hours non stop. Bottle fed. They do settle quickly which I know is a plus. But I am a lone parent and can’t deal with this, with no help. And there is nobody to help especially at night. Why won’t they sleep longer than two fucking hours? A friend said I shouldn’t give in in the day and space it out more? I’ve had enough

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MaryBoggintonTrotterSmyke · 30/01/2023 10:41

You're not doing anything wrong! Your baby is only tiny and this is normal for them at this age. 5 hours is a really good stretch, I didn't get longer than that until dd was over a year old. It is really tough, especially without help, but I bet you're doing a great job.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 30/01/2023 10:45

Not doing anything wrong, this is totally and utterly normal, and yes its really fucking difficult. There is no way to sugar coat that.

I had a fucking dreadful sleeper and no amount of white noise or sleep cues changed it.

It got better.

Original poster

helpurrrr · 30/01/2023 10:46

@MaryBoggintonTrotterSmyke i don’t think I can do this for another year

@Seasonofthewitch83 when did it get better?

I hate it so much. They don’t even drink much either it’s just like waking up for no real reason!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep

Original poster

helpurrrr · 30/01/2023 10:47

@Seasonofthewitch83 is my dc classes as a dreadful sleeper then? I have nothing to compare it to

OP posts:

Twizbe · 30/01/2023 11:00

Sounds pretty normal really. Babies are designed to eat little and often.

You're almost out of newborn days and they will stretch a bit soon.

If you're not working then when they nap in the day, you sleep as well.

Treetrim · 30/01/2023 11:01

Have you tried a soother ?

Treetrim · 30/01/2023 11:02

Also just to add it’s very unlikely that this will continue for a year. In a few months the baby will go on solids and you can sleep train so don’t despair. You are half way there !!!

Seasonofthewitch83 · 30/01/2023 11:04

I don't think you have a dreadful sleeper no - at this age its normal for them to be frequently waking. Those magical unicorn babies who sleep loads/big long chunks are rare and its nothing to do with parenting, it's down to the baby's temperament.
I recall the agonising tiredness, but i promise you the baby waking at this age is NOT a reflection on your parenting!

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 30/01/2023 11:24

Definitely don't do what your friend suggests. You want baby to be eating and filling up in the day so they can stretch at night. Maybe try a dummy then you can see if they just want to suck to settle or they're really are hungry.

all babies are different, my dc1 didn't really do much longer than a couple of hours until 5 months but dc2 was regularly (about half the time) going 11-5 at 3 months. Neither slept through every night until I night weaned at 13/14 months.

MarchingGiraffes · 30/01/2023 11:26

They’re a newborn. Of course they’re not sleeping long stretches yet.

My 2 year old still wakes every 2 hours and that’s also normal! Sleep is developmental, not linear. So it’ll go through good patches and bad.

You're not doing anything wrong, you just need to adjust your expectations of baby sleep so they’re realistic. This is a good read:

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

MarchingGiraffes · 30/01/2023 11:28

helpurrrr · 30/01/2023 10:47

@Seasonofthewitch83 is my dc classes as a dreadful sleeper then? I have nothing to compare it to

They’re not a dreadful sleeper. They’re a normal human baby.

And babies don’t just wake for milk. They’re meant to wake frequently; it protects them from SIDS at this age.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/01/2023 11:29

Totally normal. Your baby is still tiny. It'll pass.

Getthefiregoing · 30/01/2023 11:32

This is what babies do. Nothing prepares you for it. You have to learn to sleep when they do and get used to sleeping in two hours stints at night. Call on family for help if you can.

But it really isn't forever and you will look back on it and realise what a tiny fraction of your life this phase has been. It's hard to hear that in the moment but millions of people have been here before you and come through. It will be ok.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/01/2023 11:35

Don't worry - you are doing nothing wrong and I swear to you, it will get easier soon. Babies this age are famously rubbish sleepers but it is a phase which passes. Which doesn't make it any less shit while you are in it .

RandomMess · 30/01/2023 11:37

Perhaps they aren't hungry when they wake up but are used to routine of being fed then settled back to sleep?

I would try and feed more in the day and consider just offering water at night the first time they wake.

What is their pattern during the day of sleep and feeding and want centile are they on/weight are they?

Can you recognise their hunger and tired cues?

It's very tough if you are being woken so often

roarfeckingroarr · 30/01/2023 11:38

@RandomMess offering water in the night at 12 weeks? Really?

SeaToSki · 30/01/2023 11:38

Find the Contented Little Baby Book by Gina Ford. Its really good for helping what you can expect a baby to do and at what age. Hang in there, its hard but it will get better and it is possible to stretch them to sleep longer.

Getthefiregoing · 30/01/2023 11:40

RandomMess · 30/01/2023 11:37

Perhaps they aren't hungry when they wake up but are used to routine of being fed then settled back to sleep?

I would try and feed more in the day and consider just offering water at night the first time they wake.

What is their pattern during the day of sleep and feeding and want centile are they on/weight are they?

Can you recognise their hunger and tired cues?

It's very tough if you are being woken so often

At 12 weeks old?

I've never bottle fed so maybe it's different to breastfeeding, but is it a good idea to offer a 12 week old baby water in place of a feed? Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

MarchingGiraffes · 30/01/2023 11:42

RandomMess · 30/01/2023 11:37

Perhaps they aren't hungry when they wake up but are used to routine of being fed then settled back to sleep?

I would try and feed more in the day and consider just offering water at night the first time they wake.

What is their pattern during the day of sleep and feeding and want centile are they on/weight are they?

Can you recognise their hunger and tired cues?

It's very tough if you are being woken so often

This is very, very dangerous advice. Please do not do this, OP, or anyone else reading this.

Milk is their main source of nutrition until 1 and should never be replaced. Night wakes up are natural and developmental.

DragonbornMum · 30/01/2023 11:49

I'm sorry, but there's nothing "wrong" with a baby waking every 2 hours. I know it's relentless. We've all done it.

It will pass.

WeWillRockyou · 30/01/2023 11:50

It is normal for a newborn to wake this frequently but all the babies I have know n are sleeping longer at night by 12 weeks so I think there are things you can do. How often is baby feeding during the day? I would be making sure they fed every 2 hours in the day. Also are you making a difference between night and day? So daytime should be noisy, busy, getting out in the fresh air, doing tummy time, letting them bat at toys etc. Then when they wake in the night you only change them if they have pooed, you keep the light level low and keep everything as quiet as possible.
I also used to give a dream feed when I went to bed, I found they would take a bigger bottle feed this way without any burping etc so they could then wait a bit longer till their first night feed.

Moonshine160 · 30/01/2023 11:53

Sounds completely normal for a 12 week old baby. It will get better.

RandomMess · 30/01/2023 12:21

@roarfeckingroarr depending on their weight and how little formula they currently take yes I would consider it.

If they wake up and have 1oz whereas normally have 6oz in a day feed then are they actually hungry or comfort sucking? Or a dummy could be tried if the OP is happy with that.

Like so many things lots of things need to be looked at and considered.

I don't think it's common for healthy, good birth weight, formula fed babies to be waking 2 hourly all night.

MarchingGiraffes · 30/01/2023 12:43

RandomMess · 30/01/2023 12:21

@roarfeckingroarr depending on their weight and how little formula they currently take yes I would consider it.

If they wake up and have 1oz whereas normally have 6oz in a day feed then are they actually hungry or comfort sucking? Or a dummy could be tried if the OP is happy with that.

Like so many things lots of things need to be looked at and considered.

I don't think it's common for healthy, good birth weight, formula fed babies to be waking 2 hourly all night.

It is. It’s developmentally natural and normal. They’re meant to wake often as a natural SIDS preventer as a basic start.

You need to do some research before giving our such incorrect and dangerous advice.

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