Feel as though I'm always nagging

[LittlemissMama67]

I'm a bit fed up. I feel as though I'm always nagging my partner. I'm not trying to bitch about my partner because he's lovely and he works very hard.

It's just that he dosnt seem to use his whole brain when it comes to well anything really. I have higher standards when it comes to house work. He will fill the dishwasher but leave all the minging bits in the sink. He will empty the dishwasher and not wipe the sides after so they're all wet. it's all very minimal stuff and I don't want to feel like a nag so I don't say anything. He got a bit frustrated a couple of years ago because I kept re making the bed after he'd done it because he didn't make it the way I do. So I stopped doing that. But this is a me issue I'm very house proud and like everything to be done a certain way and I'm grateful that he wants to help so I say nothing.

however, where I can't bite my tongue is when it comes to childcare, when he puts our daughter to bed he often forgets to brush her teeth. And like I don't want to be a nag and have to remind him as they walk up the stairs but it's important. And he will hand me the baby bewildered like she won't stop crying I've tried everything and I'm like ok have you;

changed her bum? No
ttied winding her? No
wrap her in a blanket she might be cold? No
teething powder? Oh I didn't think of that

so what did you try then? I tried to feed her but she didn't want it, tried to put her dummy in. She spat it out.

i feel very deflated because it's simple to me, but he seems to have a harder time with it. Fed, warm, clean, comfortable, bored.

if it's none of those things then you've tried everything. Also last night, I put her in the basket in our room, pjs and fresh nappy laid out and said I was nipping for a shower, when I came back 10 minutes later baby was still awake in the basket as she was when I left and he was faffing about fixing a zip on something he dosnt even wear. I said oh I thought you might have got baby ready for baby while I was gone and he was like oh sorry I was fixing this 🙄

for once I just wish he'd use his noddle

aibu??

No I wasn't testing him at all, I didnt have any expectations it's just every night I deal with the baby. He steps back and lets me do 99% of everything when it comes to the baby. She's 4 months

No I have 3 children, 1 from a previous relationship (8) and 2 with him (3 and 4 months)

And I am uptight when it comes to the house and I'm trying to relax a bit but I grew up in a filthy house so I can't stand mess and grime

Hmm can't really tell, it seems to be magnified now there are 3. It used to be 1 each. We'd each do a bedtime, both solely handle one child's needs at bedtime. Now there's 3 it's gone to pot it seems

I get where you are coming from. But you do sound a little uptight about certain things, such as him not making the bed the way you like it. At least he made the bed! That’s more than what my DH would do.

It sounds like he does help around the house but it’s not to your standard which is more of an issue with you than it is with him. We all have different standards. If he was already fixing his zip last night then I would have just asked him if he would get baby ready for bed while you have a shower. My DH is someone who also needs these sort of things spelling out to him.

The brushing teeth thing isn’t great though. You shouldn’t have to remind him to sort out basic hygiene for your child. Is it something he’s forgotten a couple of times or all of the time?

Most of the time on the brushing teeth thing, I've had to say quite a few times. And the housework thing like I say I've let that go now it's more the children issue. And last night he wasn't in our room to start with he was still walking up the stairs when I said I'm going in the shower, so he walked into the room, saw baby. Who was only in a vest so obviously wasn't ready for bed and decided to start fixing a zip. I mean god maybe I am expecting to much

Okay you do sound uptight, but I can sympathize because my husband and I are the same.

We need to pick our battles. If he doesn't make the bed "right", that's a non-issue. Life is too short to worry about that kind of stuff.

If he forgets to brush the baby's teeth, that's easily done when they're little but it does need corrected.

It sounds like he doesn't have as much experience caring for a baby as you do; he has to muddle through sometimes and figure it out on his own. You don't have to control everything he does; if there are 10 things wrong only bring up the really important issues.