I was extremely worried before birth that I would not love my son. I was alone in most of pregnancy after a relationship ended and it was horrific. I had him on my own and ex never been in touch. However when I had him I quickly fell in love after a day or so. Within a month I was totally in love and things have been good so far, I’m managing. He’s now got to 14 weeks and I don’t feel I love him as much as I should. The baseline love is there but sometimes I find myself thinking about life without him and if he’d not been born. Or I will feel exhausted and just not that bothered about him if he smiles etc I just feel indifferent.
What I’m trying to say is the love isn’t growing any further and yet I’m certain people love their children more than I love my son and that worries me? It’s not normal is it? I’m hugely protective of him but that’s not the same as love I don’t think. I just feel the love should be growing more and it’s not. I’ve had depression before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t PND. I’m ok and coping and still meting friends etc where possible but I genuinely feel the love is not what it should be.