Six-year-old is a whinging, whining, pain in the ...

[Theala]

Dd used to be a nice, agreeable child, but the last few months, the whinging and whining has amped up considerably.

This afternoon we went out for a few hours with some friends, who included a friend of hers of the same age, and DD was in a sulk for most of the afternoon because her friend did something (fairly innocuous) and didn't say sorry.
She really spoilt the afternoon for herself (and me).
She's done similar with other friends of hers recently too.
Is this normal for a six-year-old, or something I should be coming down harder on?
She cried at the end of the afternoon because she "doesn't know why she's like that". It's very frustrating.

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Hello OP

This sounds exactly like my DS who is also 6. Up until recently he was always a very happy, easy going, agreeable boy. Never gave me any issues. Most recently he has been displaying the same behaviour as your Daughter but mostly at school.

On Friday the teacher looked exhausted and said that DS was emotional all day. Crying when they had to write sentences. Got upset when one of the children picked another child to help him with a task. EVERYTHING away an issue. It's really frustrating because I'm not sure what it is, but I can see that it ruined the teachers day and she was absolutely exhausted. I feel completely helpless because I'm not there to see it.

It seems to me that when these children are in social situations they're finding it really hard to control their feelings. Wearing their hearts on their sleeves. I think they might be extremely sensitive to feeling rejected or excluded. I'm not really sure what advice to offer you, but I think maybe just keep talking to her about her emotions and reactions. Tell her to stop thinking that everyone is being vindictive towards her and that it's the right thing to forgive and move on. I am just having small talks with my DS every evening and hoping it sparks something within him to stop being so stroppy and upset about everything.

I also really hope this is a phase, and that it will pass.

Good luck to you x

Solidarity as 6yo DD is like this too. We must have had 6 or 7 strops/tantrums today (even though we've done perfectly nice things- the park and trampolining). Everything is a huge battle- she's either completely oppositional or trying to control everything and wants to change activity every 2 seconds. It's actually starting to spoil family relationships because she tries to totally monopolize all our time. Her older sister has ASD and is a dream by comparison. We have started to wonder if she has something else going on but she has no other traits. They're not meltdowns as she stops as soon as she gets what she wants.

I know year 1 is hard- and we're not in the UK and they have a long school day, so maybe she's just tired. But she routinely gets up at 5.30 and is yelling at us from the off and it's so incredibly wearing.

She doesn't seem to fall out with friends though- it's all directed at her parents. School of course say she's 'quiet' and 'lovely'. I have also wondered if the pandemic meant they missed out on some critical pre-school development- she basically doesn't seem to cope well with any minor setback, and I wondered if she hadn't experienced enough in those years (although she was at nursery almost throughout, our world was pretty small).

Anyway. No advice. Just sympathy.

Thanks both, it helps to know she's not the only one. I hope to god it is a phase.

@Wimbz20 Dd says she's not like that in school and I believe her, but in other social situations...yes, she seems to be having trouble controlling her emotions and is so sensitive to any and every perceived slight.

@Harissaontoast yes, she also sometimes starts the day off by shouting at me for something ridiculous too. It's wearying.

Sympathies

How do you respond to her when she's in this sort of situation? Just asking as perhaps there's something different you could change or say to help her snap out of it.

I've tried jollying her out of it, explaining things reasonably, and this afternoon I've just had enough and punished her by banning screens until tomorrow. (She's allowed an hour on week nights, two hours on weekend days, which is probably too much.)
Dh has talked to her this evening, and I'll continue having little talks with her when the occasion arises, but yeah...if there's something more/different I should be doing, I'm all ears.

Bugger. Name change fail above, obviously.

Just wondered if you had managed to resolve this situation? I'm in the same boat!