I am at rock bottom with resentment

[Givingup11]

My ex left me 2 weeks before our little girl was born in september. His reason was that I was ‘unhinged’ during pregnancy which I assume he was referring to me losing it with him (nothing physical) when he was completely unsupportive since I was around 14 weeks. He’d constantly comment other women found pregnancy easier (not sure what he meant by that as pregnancy wasn’t difficult for me but there were a couple of things I couldn’t eat which he didn’t like me having to remind him). He was an AWFUL partner to me and then left me to give birth and when I applied for maintenance he said our daughter wasn’t his!!! This was out of the blue to me that he thought this and obviously the dna test was done and he’s been paying the arrears since December. I’ve recently heard from a mutual friend that the reason he hasn’t met our daughter is because he’s scared of me and my abuse. This is the first I’ve heard of being abusive towards him… If anything I was repeatedly patient with his frankly shitty treatment of me when carrying his child. What’s truly got to me is he ASSURED me he wanted this baby. Over and over. And he’s not even met her. She is not a difficult baby but it’s still hard on your own and I feel I’m failing her… she’s had to cry alone on some occasions when I’ve been showering. Or when I’ve had to answer the door etc. I don’t always have the energy to interact with her properly after doing all the practical things for her as I’m trying to eat myself or just exhausted. I resent him for hurting our baby in this way, if he was in her life she would have more attention. What has really rattled me today is I’ve seen he’s set up an Instagram account (he’s 44 and never been a social media user before) and has been posting pictures each weekend of sights and days out. I’ve not reacted and I won’t but I can’t actually believe he can be so cold? I’m exhausted today and just feel so trodden on and used.

I‘m so sorry to hear you’re in this situation OP, it’s really tough. Your ex sounds awful and very manipulative. Thank goodness you are rid of him really although I appreciate being a single parent is very tough. Your daughter will remember that you were the one that was there for her & the fact that you are writing on here shows that you want to do your best for her.

The instagram thing would make me feel awful by the way! That’s why I’m not on social media anymore.

@Madeintowerhamlets thanks. I just feel I could be so much better with her father in the picture in some way. It’s hard.

Yeah it was odd as he used to be totally against social media and he knows the one thing I use is Instagram. Very strange he would suddenly document his activities after years of never doing so.

If her father is this much of a dick I’m not sure her life would be better with him in it.

Being a single mum is hard, especially when they’re babies but you are your baby girl’s whole world and she thinks you’re the most amazing mum. It’s ok to not attend to their every need immediately (I had twins so sometimes one had to wait) it won’t do her any harm but the fact that you’re so upset about it shows what a great job you’re doing.

@Darthwazette thats kind of you to say. I feel like utter shit today, house a tip, not eaten, energy bill is 550, I’m behind with it because maintenance took four months to set up.

i just know I would be so much more patient if I was not alone, even if he had her for two hours here and there. I have no other support and wouod never ask friends although they are there for me emotionally.

I think having a supportive partner makes life easier, as I'm sure you know.

However I think that, hard as it is, your life is probably easier than if he was around doing sod all, sniping at you and messing with your head.

Have you ever looked at gingerbread, www.gingerbread.org.uk/ they help single parents? What you need is some pals in the same situation who understand and provide support.

And block his Instagram. All of Instagram is a jealousy fest, looking at what exes do is 100% no no. Plus who makes a page of 'places they go'? Someone who's not having genuine fun, but trying to convince themselves they're having a great time. He sounds unbalanced, you're better off this way in the long run.

And as to why he's this way about the baby - I think some men like the abstract idea of a cute baby but the reality, especially when it means they're not the be-all and end-all any more, is different.

Thanks. I’m just so low today. I can’t believe he could do this to his own flesh and blood and in the process leave me with the baby he assured me he wanted.