How do you deal with your children experiencing disappointment?

[emkana]

Sorry about the awkwardly worded thread title!

What I mean is trivial things, like for example today:

Dd had taken her fold-up scooter to Rainbows and was planning to ride it back with her friend, accompanied by the friend's mother. This mother couldn't work out how to unfold dd's scooter, so dd ended up walking while friend was scootering. Cue dd being very upset.

How do you deal with this kind of thing? Tell dd that it really doesn't matter? Try and "recreate" the situation at the next available opportunity to make up for it? Or what? I find it really hard when dd is very sad and I just want to make it right for her, but otoh I'm thinking maybe I should teach her that some things are not worth getting upset about?

Depends on the situation of course. Sometimes what they need is just Mum to say 'yes, I understand that was upsetting'. Sometimes a big hug. With experience it gets easier (for both parent and child) to tell the difference between the unimportant annoyances of everyday and the really big disappointments (not always what you'd think).

if I'd been the friend's mother I'd have had the girls taking turns on the scooter

I think with disappointment generally I've acknowledged how upsetting it is and then come up with some distraction or reminded them about something they are looking forward to or anything that makes them happy (your rising trot is coming along amazingly well!) - it's a good template for life generally

I'd talk through her feelings, e.g. that you imaging she must have been very disappointed because she looked forward to scootering, etc., etc. I think it is much better to let them decide what is worth getting upset about; it clearly was important to her. And I think it's importnat to learn that it is ok to be upset, but that it is nice to talk it through, get help to put emotions into words, and thus work things through.

Not sure I get it right, but I'd say something like,

"Oh that was disappointing wasn't it that you weren't able to ride your scooter?"

and lots of sympathetic "I knows" to acknowledge their upset and give them a chance to talk it through and reach an understanding, like: "that catch is very tricky isn't it and it wouldn't open. Do you think it'll be a good idea if Daddy has a look at it?"
and then a brisk change of subject about something to look forward to.

Ds will internalise this and then explain it all back to me or dh as his idea later on!

"I know it is too bad that you didn't get to use your scooter. Next time we will have to make sure "insert person" knows how to unfold it, won't we!

and maybe,

Don't worry there will be plenty of opportunities to go out on the scooter with "insert friends name" again!" Then distract with/move on to something else.

That is what I'd like to think I'd say in those circumstances. In reality I'd probably say all the wrong things... .

anyone else think it was a bit remiss of the friend's mum not to encourage her little girl to share?

Yes, a bit inconsiderate Vacua - I agree.

I agree as well Vacua.

I wish this kind of thing didn't get to me so much. I HATE it when the dd's get upset like that.

im sure any parent would have made them share. i certainly do if ds has his scooter at school and one of his friends come to play. however 2 of his friends have done the same thing and the mother hasnt made them share at all.

i'm like you when they get upset. however my friend always reminds me you have to let him have little disapointments in order for him to manage his emotions. (she has no kids btw)