Need to change my attitude towards DD.................

[warmsummersday]

Hi. My DD is always really moody and is quite rude to me. We don't get home from school until 4.15pm and I understand she is tired but as soon as I take her out classroom and into car she starts. Tonight she called me a 'silly girl' because I forgot to take her a snack. So she got told off and then that started things off.

I have tried a sticker chart but she just tells me she doesn't care is she doesn't have a sticker. Today I took her cuddly toy away but I don't know what to do to make her realise.

OH works away all week and also have a 1 year old so I get really tired too and am finding her really hard at the moment and don't really like to cuddle her because she is so grumpy.

Thanks for reading.

How old is she?

5 yrs old

Oh it is horrid isn't it? My dd1 can be very moody and def got worse when she started school and got over tired and really can't cope. The tantrums have been beyond belief.
I have started greeting her from the school with a banana or biscuit and this def helped but it sounds like you are already doing that.
Give yourself a break though. Your OH is away and you have a one year old. You are essentially a single parent during the week so no-one is looking after you.
I have been reading 'How to talks so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and it has really helped me see things from dd1's perspective and has really helped my patience too. It might be worth a read.
I think you need an early night and a glass of wine. Take care. You must be exhausted.

Also meant to say that dd1 didn't care if I took her toys away or forfitted TV or didn't get a sticker on a reward chart. The only weapon we had was taking away a bedtime story which worked until she started misbehaving after she had had her story....She can seem such an angry little thing .

It sounds like you are probably stressed and tired too as you are having to cope with them both on your own during the week.

Could you maybe suggest in the morning that if dd is a good girl all day then you will both have a 'girly' night when she gets home. Get a good film in that she likes and make some nibblies for you both. I know she is only 5 but maybe she is just trying for your attention. I'm not sure what time your 1yr old goes to bed but attempt to have some time for just you and dd.

Do you do much with her in the way of baking cakes/painting pictures etc? Or can you encourage her to help you bath the 1yr old?

That may all be totally unrealistic for you but try and start tomorrow with a clear head and try and look forward to some time with your dd instead of going in it thinking she is gonna be a prima donna. I spent a few weeks so miserable and dreading spending a full day with ds (he is only 2) until I tried to change my way of thinking and actually brought him into helping me with my everyday life and taking time out to do stuff with him. Dh even said the other day that he can see I like ds again

That sounded bolshy and patronizing when I read it back - it certainly wasn't meant to be

Thanks everyone.

The book sounds worth a read so will try that.

I feel like I don't want to spend time with her because she is so moody but I know she wants attention.

Don't really have time in wek for activities. She plays with DD2 very well. I put DD2 to bed at about 6.15pm and then let DD1 stay up for half hour to do reading and have cuddle time etc but I have to get them into bed early as she is tired and I need my time on y own.

I have these bright ideas of taking her out just me and her but I just can't bear it. We have lots of plans in half term.

Thanks again.

Try the book. It might at least make you feel like you are being proactive. It sounds like a bit of a vicious circle . She is grumpy, so you are sad, so she is grumpy, so you are sad so she is grumpy etc. You want to change your attitude and I really think this will help but it is finding the energy to focus on the positive and not the negative.
The book helped me because it gave me that focus and made me look at things from dd's point of view. She is probably missing your dh nearly as much as you are too.
Good Luck and stay positive. You can turn this around .