Having mum guilt over where we live

[Lilyyy]

FTM and baby is 7 months.
I’m mid 30s and prioritised having a baby over saving for a house because of my age, I didn’t want to be an older mum despite already being older.

mine and DHs lifestyle before DC was very social, we would go away on weekends, travel, gigs, dinners etc and we just didn’t save for anywhere, that was our choice and our fault for not saving.

I really wanted to a be a mother and now we have DC.

we live in a one bedroom flat, and we can’t afford to move yet, especially with me on maternity still. We won’t be able to buy for a long time as we will start saving when I’m back at work and we realistically have to rent a two bed until we can buy.

I just feel so guilty, I see mums with a beautiful nursery and big space and feel like I’ve failed her already. We share a room and will do for a while, though to be honest she’s not ready for her own room anyway as she’s going through a sleep regression and will only sleep on me or our bed.

does anyone else live in a one bed and do okay?

We all make compromises - I waited till almost 40 and live in a decent sized house but feel guilty for being old and tired!

(And despite having 3 bedrooms we still share a room because she's a rubbish sleeper too 🙄)

Nothing's ever perfect but it ok, you are still a good mum!

She's so young she really will not care where she lives. I don't have any memory of the first house my parents lived in and I lived there until I was 6! All I know is from photos.
If she's loved and cared for she's an incredibly lucky little girl. It doesn't matter if you share a room for now. She will probably even prefer it. I think in the early years honestly, these fancy nursery's are more for the parents than the baby.

A baby or toddler doesn’t care where they live.

Sharing a room is absolutely fine and normal.

However, are you sure you will be able to save to buy something when you go back to work? Surely, like most of us, you will be paying a small fortune for childcare.

It’s going to be so hard trying to save and childcare costs… sigh. Don’t know how we are going to do it, will take a long time

It’s fine, don’t let it get you down.

we was in a 1 bed until she was 3 then we moved. Just don’t have a second until you have a house though.

Meh. We have 2.5 bedrooms, the box room is a home office as we WFH so that won’t change. The second bedroom is DD’s room and we’re expecting a DS so they might be able to share in the short time but for the first 6 months (and probably more like a year) he will be sleeping in our room. He won’t have a nursery, just a nursery ‘area’ in the corner of our bedroom. It’s just window dressing for Insta purposes mainly

The baby won't care where it lives. However if you have the goal of eventually buying maybe start planning how you will get there - when do you want to start saving and how much will you aim for?

I don't think it'll register for her at all!

Certainly not until she's old enough to go on playdates to other friends houses where they have fancy playrooms and think they'd quite like one at home themselves, but that's years away and you'll likely have moved on by then.

The handy thing is, as much as we compare ourselves to instaperfection, toddlers don't have social media so they've no concept of an inspirational nursery or perfect baby led weaning experience or Montessori toybox. (All cool things but can be hard to access for people!)

They only know what they experience, and the main thing they should experience is bucketloads of love and affection from their lovely family - if you're ticking that box, that is all she could possibly need. ❤

I lived with my mum when DD was born (she’s now 2y8m), so she obviously slept in with me. My mum has since passed away so I have a spare room but find it so much easier having DD in with me if she wakes in the night (teething, illness etc). She sleeps in her own cot and has always been a good sleeper so I’m not complaining and I’m sure she doesn’t care atm!

I live in Manhattan. Most people I know started out in a 1 bed apartment with a baby - my friend is a partner in a law firm making $$$ and they only moved to a 2 bed when baby #2 was on the way.

We lived in a 1 bed until DS was 14 months old. Now we're in a 2 bed flat. He doesn't appear to be damaged by less space and often tells us how much he loves his home. It also never occurred to me to be upset about it because it's just, well, normal here.

There's forecast to be a property crash in 2026 so just wait a bit and buy then. In the meantime a baby/toddler won't care. Babies literally di not care about nurseries and toddlers want to play wherever you are, not on their own in a playroom. Do you plan on having any more though?

We lived in a 1 bedroom flat until our first DD was 3 and I was pregnant with DD2. It was tight for space but we were happy and my younger DD is jealous that she didn't get to live in the flat. We moved into a 3 bed and youngest DD still slept in our room for a year. Children don't care about that kind of thing and they certainly won't know or care if their home is rented or bought. Don't beat yourself up about it

I think it’s normal in a lot of countries to have children in 1bed but doesn’t seem to be very normal in UK.
In most of Europe parents will sleep on sofa bed in living room and often siblings will share bedroom.
I am also living in 1bed flat with my baby boy. Rentig currently but planing on buying (London) so unfortunately can also only afford 1bed.
I know I will probably be judged later on when child in school but it’s the best I can afford right now.
I guess children don’t care as much as we think they do.
Growing up (Europe) I had separate rooms with my sibling but remember always being jealous of friends with smaller houses/apartments and shared rooms.

Your baby doesn’t know any different. Just enjoy your maternity leave, they grow up too fast.

All your baby needs is food clean / clothes and lots of love ❤️

I blame social media for this bloody guilt. We are constantly being shown "perfect" homes. Take it all with a pinch of salt OP. It's perfectly fine to be in a one bed and anyway many children never settle in their rooms. Honestly you are absolutely fine.

At that age, it doesn’t even matter. You do what you can.

Until this week we were in a pokey 2 bed, my son had his own room but it was far from the idealic photos you see online and he NEVER used it because he still cosleeps with us.

Now he’s 3 we moved to a place with a bigger garden but we are still renting and nowhere near buying yet.

you’re doing great!

I clicked on this thread expectIng you to say that the place you lived was unsafe or unhealthy in some way. Parents in those circumstances often feel guilt, even though they did not initiate the problem and face significant barriers to moving.

Renting a home where your child is well cared for is not something that should induce guilt.