Returning to work post baby

[Gamechanger2019]

Hi All

I’m returning to work soon after a year off post maternity, and I’m finding the thought of it difficult but I know I have to. Pre baby I was very career focused, high pressured job and I loved it. Now post baby this has obviously changed which is understandable.

When I hear my colleagues and team members talking I’m just feeling like I’m not interested, and I think to myself I can do it all again?

People in similar situations…

Does your mojo come back?

Were you feeling similar because you’re not in control, and it’s knocked your confidence?

I went back to work 3 weeks ago after 13 months of maternity leave. I shared all of your worries but it has been surprisingly better than expected, my passion for my job has come back. I am finding it harder to concentrate and some tasks are more difficult than they would have before but I’m rolling with it. I also told myself I would give it a certain amount of time and then reevaluate! I hope you find it to be better than expected and good luck, it’s hard but it can be great too.

I returned to work 3 weeks ago as well, DD was 8 months. I’m only doing 3 days a week at the moment and will go up to 4 in April, hopefully staying on 4 compressed.

I too love my job and have worked hard to get where I am. I worked long hours and only stopped 2 days before my due date, mainly so I could have more time with DD. I would have loved to have a year off but we couldn’t afford it unfortunately, and I wasn’t dreading going back but was more nervous about fitting everything in, and coping with the night waking plus working.

So far so good though. The first couple of weeks were hard as DD was also settling into nursery and my parents looking after her, it’s getting easier each week though. However I will say my confidence at work has taken a knock. I’ve always had a bit of imposter syndrome but it’s come back with a vengeance and I’m putting pressure on myself to be as ‘on it’ as I used to be. I think my brain is getting used to having work to think about alongside everything else, when for the last 8 months I have been completely consumed with DD and learnt so much about looking after her, baby sleep, weaning etc.

I am hoping it’ll just take time. My work is project based with lots of deadlines and I was put straight into something which I appreciated as I was busy, I think I got a bit too stressed about it though as I wanted it to be perfect and to not look incompetent. My managers and colleagues have been great though, and I think they knew I’d want to get straight on with it as that’s what I’ve always done.

will you be going back full time?

Personally I have no interest in my job anymore either and resent the idea of spending my time there rather than around DD at a time she really begins to become her own little character. Not to mention we still have significant sleep issues ongoing and so I don't think I could mentally function throughout a 13 hour shift. I won't be going back.

OP I could have written this post, I go back in just over a week and feel the same.

Interested in the responses

@Surprised90 that’s good to hear, and I’m pleased it’s working out for you, gives me hope. I think that’s the key to try and go with the flow but as a planner I find that difficult 🙈

I’ve been back for 2 years after DD3, and I’ll be going off again shortly.

Throughout my time back, I’ve had much less interest in my job than before. I’m senior and had always been career focused, but not the case any more. I applied for a promotion which I didn’t get and that was a good thing - it made me realise that I’m happy with my level (senior enough to set my own schedule and earn plenty, but with a boss who can ultimately pick things up if required).

I now see work as the thing I do to pay for our lifestyle, not my identity. That’s probably healthy.

I do wonder whether my ambition will come back when children are older though.

I struggled like this after each of three maternity leaves.

I found myself listening to these streams of meaningless words coming from colleagues. I'd look round the room hoping everyone else had head the same stream of meaningless words and they'd all be nodding along and responding with their own streams of meaningless words.

After about 6 weeks, I head myself contribute a stream of meaningless words, and to my total surprise, I seem to have got them right as nobody laughed. I was back in the game. Another few weeks and the words seemed to have meaning again ....

I do reflect on this sometimes, and wonder just how Orwellian my workplace is ....

@TashieWoo I also suffer from imposter syndrome and someone before MAT said it would be worse after and I didn’t believe them 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ thanks for sharing your advice I think I’ll do my best to ease myself in but I’m also similar I like to be busy so no doubt I’ll chuck myself in at the deep end. It must be a trait of people involved in change and project management. I’m going back 4 days so dropping a few hours but working longer hours when there if that makes sense. Best of luck and I’m sure you’re doing a great job. I also like to think our 80% is no doubt someone else’s 100% so we need to be easy on ourselves. KIT days have been good and bad, I’m fine when in the zone but after I reflect and it consumes me. I need to somehow learn to not let it spoil my last few months off. Best of luck to you xx

@MrsBunnyEars and I think that’s a good shout, work won’t be the most important thing anymore and I need to get my head around that.

@HappyAsASandboy wow three times! Hats off to you! Ha your story made me chuckle I can just imagine that scenario 😂

Same same same! Just couldn't give a monkeys after previously being entirely career-focused. There's something so much more important now, right?

Having a day with baby each week helps. So you feel like you're balancing the two. As time goes on you get back some of the spark, remember what you liked and what motivates you. But two years back and it's still nowhere near the same. Nowhere near. But I don't care.

@Lulu2171 nice to hear the day helps, I’ll defo try to make the most of it. Hopefully in a way it will make me more focused and selfish at work - we’re giving up our time to be there if that makes sense so gotta make sure it works for us and doing the elements that we enjoy!

Yes it does make me more focused in some ways eg a particularly tedious internal meeting: this is not worth my time away from my baby, cut through the crap!

Honestly, my passion never came back in quite the same way. But that's a bonus, I now have more perspective and know why I'm there. I'm there to provide for my own kids. Work no longer defines and validates the whole of me!

Thank you @Gamechanger2019 , good luck to you too! And we should be kinder to ourselves, some of my colleagues who are also newish mums have contacted me to see how I’m getting on which is really lovely, especially since I am relatively new to the team. I hope your colleagues are as kind and supportive as it makes a big difference. Xx

@HappyAsASandboy I like your way of looking at it and totally get where you’re coming from with the streams of meaningless words!

I returned when DS1 was 13 months to a job that I'd previously loved. Unfortunately a lot had changed in the time I'd been away as had I and really it was an awful return. I had such little support, had lost my enthusiasm completely because of that and also had a non sleeping toddler who was tricky to settle at nursery. In short, it was a mess!

I somehow ploughed through for 6 months then realised that the job had changed but so had I and that was ok. I started job searching and started a new role 6 months later. It offers better flexibility and development for me and I haven't looked back. I'll be returning in a few weeks after DS2 and I'm actually looking forward to it a bit. I definitely don't have the same drive I once did but I have much more perspective and am not defined by my job. Hopefully I'll feel more driven as they get older but if I don't that's fine too.

Lots of people return and soon feel like they were never away but there's nothing wrong with re-evaluating if not.