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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

DD in long distance relationship

16 replies

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:15

My DD (16) is in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend of one month who she has only met once due to how far away they live from eachother. As much as i love her boyfriend, I do think it is a bit worrying as she is only 16 and it is a big deal for her. We live near manchester while he lives near essex so it is extremely far. Opinions please?

OP posts:

IMuchPreferTheDog · 28/01/2023 02:20

Your 16 year old daughter has been ‘in a relationship’ with a boy for four weeks, only met him once and you love him?? I don’t understand…
What would you lik an opinion on exactly?

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 28/01/2023 02:21

I am more concerned that you "love" the boyfriend who your DD barely knows and has only met once.

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/01/2023 02:24

🤔it will never last

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Wfhandbored · 28/01/2023 02:26

If they were older and working enough to cover travelling then yeah maybe, this will burn out most likely

Original poster

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:34

She has been talking to him for three months before the relationship, he seems like a lovely lad and she’s always on facetime to him. If DD is downstairs on facetime to him, I will always come in the room and chat to him.

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 28/01/2023 02:35

What in god’s name do you mean you ‘love’ her boyfriend? You don’t know him, neither does she. How did they meet? I would not encourage this at all. It’s a total nonsense

Eyerollcentral · 28/01/2023 02:36

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:34

Did she met him online? Encourage activities outside the home. Don’t be daft.

Original poster

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:38

I don’t necessarily mean I love him, I just mean he’s a very lovely lad and he hasn’t done anything wrong to my daughter. He has always treated her right more than her other boyfriends. When I was in my teens, I met my husband who was then sent away to the army which ended up being a long distance relationship for nearly six years, so maybe that is why I am not too stressed about the distance and I am understanding about it. Also, she has known him for five months.

OP posts:

Original poster

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:41

She met him through my niece who also lives in essex, so through her cousin. Also I do try encourage activities outside of home, she has adhd, depression and bulimia which makes it very difficult to leave the house if we ever want to go for a meal or a day out.

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 28/01/2023 02:46

Given your daughter’s conditions I don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage her to become v attached to this boy because it could end as quickly as it started as they are 16. That could be detrimental to her. I have absolutely no idea why you would be talking to him on FaceTime. I know you are obviously concerned given your daughter’s conditions, but you are her parent not her pal. Her father being in the army is totally different. I’d be concerned that chatting to him online is just giving her more reason not to get out in to the real world which is not going to help her. How many other boyfriends has she had?

Dartmoorcheffy · 28/01/2023 02:49

It's been 4 weeks. They have met once. It's not really a relationship yet. And they are 16 so just kids really.

Original poster

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 02:50

I only pop in to the room and have a quick chat with him to see how he is doing, which a normal mother should do to make the boyfriend feel comfortable. I am also worried this may also set her back in the real world but if she is happy, then she is happy and there’s no more i can do then to be a bystander in this time of her life. She has had three other boyfriends which two have ended on good terms and the other one did not as he was very manipulative and controlling.

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 28/01/2023 02:57

I think you are really wrong to be giving this the credence of a relationship. That makes it seem serious. They have met once and ‘going out’ a month. Sorry, no you don’t need to be popping in to make him feel comfortable. He isn’t in the house. You can’t control what a 16 year old does but your support and chatting to him (which by the way most teens would die at) her encourages her to see this as a serious thing, which given the circumstances it is unlikely to become. She is very young to have already had a bad experience with a boy and has mental health problems. I wonder if you are afraid to question her in case it makes her unhappy. You’ve asked for advice here and everyone says it’s mad to encourage this but you seem to also be saying what can I do about it. Stop chatting to him and keep trying to get her offline and in to life. Does she have many friends?

Original poster

annierodgers1 · 28/01/2023 03:03

I am very grateful for this advice by the way and this all seems very reasonable. Yes, I am just mostly scared of telling her the truth and making her upset about this situation because I know it’s only a part of her life and he will most likely just be in the past soon. She has a very supportive friend group who have always been by her side, but before that she was in a very toxic friend group which led her to be walked over and used.

OP posts:

rabbithearted · 28/01/2023 15:28

The current generation of teens is far more used to online interactions and long distance can work out if both parties are committed.

A lot of couples who mostly interact online can be closer than those who go on dates a lot tbh, video calls, watching movies and playing computer games together etc

If it's long term they'd want to close the gap eventually but they're both in the UK so it's not ridiculous and they've met and facetimed so you know he's who he says he is. I'd just let her get on with it and see what happens.

lailamaria · 28/01/2023 17:01

i love all these people devaluing online relationships, platonic and romantic

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