Failing to wean

[bluebellaa]

DD is 9 months and I really feel like I'm failing her when it comes to weaning for multiple reasons.

First is her unwillingness to eat at least half of the time. It'll always start great for the first two or three things that go in her mouth, but then she'll start making this constant whingy/straining/discomfort sounding noise and she'll either eat a bit more (still not enough) or just refuse to eat anything further. Doesn't matter what the food is (flavour or texture), doesn't matter if it's finger food or on a spoon (although now she will wrestle the spoon off me just to fling it around), she 95% of time eats probably a quarter or less than what would constitute as a reasonable meal before she's squirming in the high chair and getting upset.

Secondly is that I am in a chronically poor eating routine/habit myself, and so she ends up getting quick and easy things to make like egg, fruit, etc because I'm living off of toast. Not to mention with DP working long shifts, I rarely get opportunity to 'cook' as DD will not tolerate sitting in the high chair in the kitchen with me for longer than 10-15 minutes. I will often batch cook a pot of something once a week but we only have the resources to do one meal at the time, and by the time I've been shopping to get ingredients, prepped and cooked, I don't have time to make a second meal.

Lastly, DD has several presumed allergies/reactions to foods, and so I am limited in what I can give her that's appropriate for her eating ability.

I was really looking forward to the weaning journey but now I dread it every day. She is still getting 90% of her nutrition from being EBF and whilst this is obviously going to become insufficient, it seems like we both prefer it like that!

We are waiting to see a dietician but the wait time is months apparently. In the meantime I don't know how to navigate what appears to be this discomfort/difficulty cue she gives every time she starts eating.

Just stop feeding her when she tells you she's full. It's literally that simple. Give her a few spoons, then when she's had enough take her out and move on. She should still be getting almost all of her nutrition from milk at this stage. You need to de-stress. It's extremely unlikely that she's going to EBF at 30! She WILL eat, just give her time.

@NuffSaidSam I already do, as what other choice is there (I'm not about to try and force food in her mouth and create negative associations with food). But at the same time I'm aware by 9 months we should be encouraging three meals a day and that just isn't happening. Also I'm concerned about her developing deficiencies due to our restricted diets because my milk is sure as hell not providing her with sufficient levels of certain nutrients anymore.

Who says your milk isn't giving her enough?
Up until the age of one the majority of her nutrition comes from milk. After the age of one it slowly starts to swing the other way but it's not instant and your milk will always be nutritious for her.

Its fairly normal for a 9month old to eat how you've described. Could it be your own issues are skewing the way you look at the amounts she eats?

Three meals a day means offer food three times a day, not that she needs to eat 'a meal' three times a day. A few spoons three times a day is fine.

And milk (either yours or formula) will be her main source of nutrition until she's a year old. If your diet is so problematic that you believe she's not getting adequate nutrition I would seek advice from your HV or GP and maybe switch to formula.

@icclemunchy Given that I haven't been able to consume enough calcium, omegas, etc to sustain reasonable levels for myself, there's no way I can be passing on good amounts to DD either.

As for "issues", I don't have any issues around food at all so I don't understand what you mean. My point with this is that we're 3 months into weaning and it's less successful in terms of willingness and quantity consumed than it was when we first started. I don't expect her to be eating huge portions but if I put one tablespoon of porridge in a bowl, we're consuming maybe a third of it and a couple of berries, or one apple quarter and that'll be it. I don't know anyone else's 9 month old who is eating so little, all the groups I go to say their DC get stuck into all sorts of things and show me the sort of quantities they're giving them, which they apparently eat a good amount of.

@NuffSaidSam As I said, we are already waiting for a dietician appointment, but DD won't take a bottle of expressed milk let alone dairy free formula so that's not an option.

I don't understand. If your diet is so poor you're worried about the quality of your breast milk then clearly you do have an issue with food? The issue being, you're not getting the right nutrients. Is the dietician appointment for you or DD? It seems it's your diet that's issue, not hers.

Also, in your OP you say I am in a chronically poor eating routine/habit myself, but then say you don't have an issue with food. Surely, you understand that having a chronically poor eating routine is an issue?!

I know how stressful it can be .my DD was the same except we were told to start weaning at 4 months in those days and she wasn't even allowing a spoon in her mouth at 9 months - so you're doing well! Mine was a bottle refuser too. It's tough.
Part of my problem was expecting her to eat more than she wanted. She was my second - DS had eaten huge quantities of everything offered. She just had a tiny appetite. We found offering very small amounts 5 times a day worked better for her.
Have a spoon each - she can try to use hers while you feed her with yours. Or give her a piece of toast or something whilst you feed her with a spoon.
Try and work out a rough meal plan each week so that you know in advance what you plan to feed her. Use nap times to get the next 'meal' ready. You don't mention what her allergies are, but meals really don't need to be complicated at that age. And the often prefer separate components rather than a finished dush - so some pieces of pasta, a little pile is sauce and a little like of grated/cubed cheese rather than a complete Bolognese.

she'll either eat a bit more (still not enough)

What do you mean not enough? She's 9 months old! Food is just for fun until they're 1, it's about exploring different textures and tastes at the moment not actually filling up and having to have three full meals a day

Neither of my DSs ate proper meals before about 10 months. Admittedly no other food worries here but they were milk monsters. They’re both healthy and eat well now (6 and 10) so please don’t panic. Set the wheels in montuno for some help but don’t panic.

Have a look at Solid Starts on instagram, OP. They have lots of good bite sized information from credible sources for common weaning problems. Her main source of nutrition is still milk, besides easy stuff such as eggs, fruit, toast etc aren't necessarily unhealthy eg cheese & onion scrambled eggs, defrosted raspberries on toast, cucumber sticks etc.

Read 'My Child Won't Eat' and stop worrying. Honestly, she knows what she's doing. Keep offering a variety of foods but let her eat what she wants, no pressure. They all get there and 9 months is tiny. There is no 'should be doing this' when it comes to eating at her age.