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Parenting

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Original poster

12 week old son hates me

37 replies

bexyo · 26/01/2023 21:00

My 12 week old DS seems to really dislike me. I look after him 24/7, play with him, tummy time, exclusively breast feed and do the night feeds and he still much prefers my husband.

He will barely make eye contact and smile with me but instantly smiles and coos when my husband comes over.

It's starting to take its toll on me emotionally as pathetic as that sounds and makes me want to give up putting the effort in as he seems to genuinely dislike the time we spend together. I'd rather be working some days as it hurts me to see him so different with my husband to how he is with me.

What can I do to get over this? Is it normal?

OP posts:

ReamsOfCheese · 26/01/2023 21:58

I had a baby like this. He also said daddy first, at about 14 months, and never said mummy until he was 2. He wouldn't let me cuddle him until he was 10 months old, he would always go rigid and pull away. It was soul destroying and I really feel for you. He's now a couple of years down the line and so am I. I had serious bonding issues due to traumatic birth and I really struggled getting almost nothing back from him for so long but I'm pleased to report he is a happy mummy-adoring three-year-old who always comes to me first with everything and I adore him too. The HV referred me to a charity who helped with baby bonding when he was about 6 months old, which helped a bit.

Mischance · 26/01/2023 21:59

Babies do not really like anyone at that age. They do not have the mental capacity to make such choices. They just want to have their basic needs met. When your OH appears it is a distraction that is worth a smile. Please do not build this up in your mind into something to be concerned about. Just plough on - things will change as your baby develops.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 26/01/2023 22:00

If you are doing all the night feeds, you are probably exhausted. I really underestimated how much of an effect this had on me. It was only when my DC started sleeping through and I'd had a little while to catch up on sleep that I realised just how exhausted I had become, and how hard that made it to cope with everything

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justmewithmylifetoday · 26/01/2023 22:01

You are literally his everything. Soon you will get all the love and more. They don't give much back at that age. My DS smiled at his sister before anyone else and for what felt like ages only smiled at her.

Calphurnia88 · 26/01/2023 22:02

Gosh this is so normal - I remember this phase too!

DS seemed much happier and was more I smiley around daddy. It bothered me a bit at the time but as others have said, I now realise that it was because I was (and still am) his constant whereas daddy was a fun new distraction on an evening and at the weekend.

We're now in seperation anxiety territory and DS won't let me leave the room without crying. That's fun 🙃

Mingmoo · 26/01/2023 22:36

OP when I had DS1 I was constantly anxious about doing the right thing and found baby talk etc came slowly to me (plus he was always clamped to my chest; there were days I barely saw his face). DH was the one who made up songs and was silly with him from day one and got all the smiles. I felt awful about it. But what I realised was that the times I had with DS were lovely too - just different - and I was the most important person in his world for a very long time. Try to enjoy handing him over and knowing he'll be happy while you get a rest or do some things for yourself, and everything else will fall into place in time, I promise.

Echobelly · 27/01/2023 09:42

But do talk to HV about possible PND as it sounds like this upset is running deep and that's not normal - it sounds like you're having difficulty accepting reassurance with this. X

Original poster

bexyo · 04/02/2023 09:46

Hi all. A weeks gone by and listening to you all a cloud has lifted. Been making sure me and my son do lots of classes together and bond and happy to hand him over and see him happy. My time will come to be the favourite!

OP posts:

rootsandwings89 · 04/02/2023 09:52

bexyo · 04/02/2023 09:46

I'm glad to hear you feel better, if you find those feelings creep in again please do talk to someone. Motherhood is such a rollercoaster full of ups and downs, you'll look back and realise everything was just a phase and they change so quickly. You'll be doing a great job, be kind to yourself and enjoy those baby cuddles

AdoraBell · 09/02/2023 15:56

I’m so glad you are feeling more positive.

Mischance · 09/02/2023 17:14

That is positive news - delighted to hear it! Well done!

SezFrankly · 11/02/2023 18:09

He takes your presence for granted. Welcome to motherhood. He loves you with a bond stronger than he understands.

Chat with GP about how you’re feeling, you may need a little help. I certainly did! Very easy to become isolated and allow the doubts to creep in.

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