Feeling sad for my DD

[breathcalmly]

DD is going on a ski trip at half term and it's cost us quite a bit of money which we've had to save hard for. She has been really looking forward to it. She has quite a bit of anxiety during lock down and has done really well to get through it. She came back from school this week and said that none of her friends want to be with her in a room and doesn't want to go anymore. That I should cancel the trip (don't think I can). There was a meeting about rooms and her friends have already agreed to be in one room and don't want her with them. She was in tears. I think there is one girl who is the ringleader and has always tried to wind my DD up and the others have tagged along although they are nice girls. My DD doesn't want to go in a room with the other few girls who are going and is adamant about that. My heart breaks and not sure what to do. Any advice welcome

[Beansontoast45]

Your daughter is acting in the same way as the girl who is supposedly being mean. If it was my child, I would tell her that you can’t force people to be friends with you or like you, but you can always make new friends.

I would make her go, wither she liked it or not and tell her to be grateful she has been given the opportunity.

[LighthouseCat]

Her DD was lashing out because she was hurt and upset. I'm guessing any solution suggested by her mum would have been met with extreme negativity at that point including saying something that isn't especially kind. But it's not the same as a bully deliberately excluding her DD. My DD would likely have reacted exactly the same way with the suggestion that she give it a go with the other group, but she is very far from being a mean girl. Really glad it's worked out op

[breathcalmly]

Hi, I thought I’d provide an update now that my DD is back from her ski trip. So we was really excited to go in the end but there was low lying bullying from the mean ringleader throughout the week, such as turning the light on above her when she were trying to sleep on the coach, telling her to leave the room when they were all hanging out in a bedroom etc. some of the other girls tagged along with the bullying and some didn’t. I didn’t have a restful week worrying about her and her being in a different country so couldn’t do anything to help. She sent me messages that she wasn’t enjoying it and I contacted the teacher who did have a strong word with the ringleader and it eased up. She came home at the weekend and really loved the skiing so was happy but I would not send her on something like that again for all the stress it caused for us both :(

[ShillyShallySherbet]

Thanks for the update OP I’m glad she enjoyed the skiing. The ringleader sounds a nightmare. I’m glad that some of the girls didn’t join in with the bullying and those are the friends to focus on and distance herself from the others.