Failing at potty training

[Kentlassie]

Just that. DD is almost 3 and VERY stubborn. She absolutely knows what she’s doing and will announce ‘mummy I’m doing a wee in my nappy’ but completely refuses to sit on the potty and try. Earlier this week she wanted to wear pants so we did that for 3 days but she still refused the potty and had accidents all day.

I’ve tried sticker chart, bribing with magic stars, choosing pants and potty from the shop, reading potty books, watching videos whilst on the potty and I’m starting to lose my patience. Her twin brother has been PT since October with no issues at all. I decided she wasn’t ready then but I’m not sure her stubbornness will change.

Any advice? Would you persist or give up again now?

Children have to be emotionally ready and it sounds like she's not at that stage atm. Anything more and you're both going to be upset with the process. I'd leave the potty out but I'd not even mention using it. Leave it a few months and she'll be showing interest again and then you can move to pull ups, but you'll have to be child led if you want it to be pain free. She'll get there, it might just take a little longer

thank you. Deep down I know you’re right, but its so frustrating! It’s hard to not mention it when I am surrounded by people (nanny, grandparents etc) who keep telling me to “just” force her onto the potty every 30 mins. As if I haven’t tried to encourage that…

I agree she isn’t emotionally ready. I also think she may not yet know the sensation of feeling full and needing to go. Usually a child can identify the feeling that they are actively going long long before they can identify the sensations of impending need to go. If she can say “mummy I am weeing” she is only at the awareness step of realising that she is going in the moment of it happening.

She probably refuses the potty because she has no idea if she needs to go or not and thinks the potty is for when you are mid-wee. So the usual reaction is no, I don’t need the potty. Then ten minutes later, I’m weeing!

Developing the ability to sense impending need to wee is what most toddlers struggle with and why accidents are almost universal. I’d relax and perhaps focus on transitioning her to pull ups and telling you when she is seeing/has weed and help her learn how to wipe and put a new pull up on herself. Learning to wipe is a skill she has to learn anyway. So there are things you can do while waiting for her to develop the emotional readiness and ability to feel her body’s sensations better.

Thank you @Onnabugeisha that is very interesting. I really should read up on PT a bit more (or at all!). I’m going to leave it for a month and then see where we are. I need to ask GPs, nanny and DH to stop going on about it all the time too!

She's not ready, I really struggled to potty train my daughter and it was so frustrating because I knew that if she wanted to do it she could, so I stopped trying. A couple of months later just after her 3rd birthday she told me she was a big girl and didnt want to wear nappies anymore, and that was it I couldn't believe it, she'll get there in her own time