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Parenting

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Original poster

Do men always know best (eyeroll)

8 replies

Monstermoomin · 25/01/2023 19:34

Just a bit frustrated. OH is trying to get baby to sleep in her cot, she is massively overtired and would probably settle with a feed.

He has been in there for over 30 minutes whilst I try to get our other child to sleep. All I can hear is her crying. I went in to get her so I could bring her through and settle her to be told 'no it's fine she's not hungry she's tired' and I'm settling her'.

It's clearly not working and it's not worth her getting so upset ...big sigh

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SmileWithADimple · 25/01/2023 19:36

I think that's good in a way though. Lots of men would have given up by now and said "she won't settle for me, she needs you". At least he's trying!

Raindropsdrop · 25/01/2023 19:37

SmileWithADimple · 25/01/2023 19:36

I think that's good in a way though. Lots of men would have given up by now and said "she won't settle for me, she needs you". At least he's trying!

I agree. Does he normally do bedtimes?

Bigweekend · 25/01/2023 19:39

My DH never thought he knew best, he'd get quite upset at not "knowing" what to do like I apparently did. I'm not.sure what's worse tbh

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Original poster

Monstermoomin · 25/01/2023 19:45

He will take her if I'm trying to get our other daughter to sleep. He wouldn't usually let her cry this long (it's been nearly an hour) as he'd bring her through saying she needs me.

I think it's because our other daughter has been a handful today and he's not wanting to deal with trying to get her to sleep

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Original poster

Monstermoomin · 25/01/2023 19:57

I went and got her because the crying was ridiculous and it took me a while to calm her to get her to feed and now she's acting like she's not been fed in a week.

He said it's because it's no longer safe to have her in the bed (she's started to sleep on her side and keeps trying to roll onto her front but can't do front to back) so he's worried she could smother herself and has decided she must now sleep in the cot (after nearly 5 months of sleeping being held or next to me).

I'm in for a fun evening!

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Swiftswatch · 25/01/2023 20:10

Usually it’s women complaining that their partners won’t try to settle the baby and immediately thrust the baby back to mum because ‘he/she must be hungry’ so I can’t really fault the man for trying.

He’s also not wrong to be worried about her sleeping in a bed with adults if she can roll one way but not the other.

You are both tired but I don’t think he’s particularly wrong here.

FlounderingFruitcake · 25/01/2023 20:19

I think his concerns are legitimate. However, persuading her to sleep in the cot, AKA sleep training, needs to be properly discussed and agreed upon in advance because it’s not fair on anyone, least of all baby, to be inconsistent. Him doing the lion’s share of bedtimes will be instrumental to breaking feed to sleep co-sleeping habit. If that’s not something you want to do though, and you’d rather find way to keep the co-sleeping safe, then again that’s something to discuss. It’s frustrating he’s pushed ahead so I get where you’re coming from. Have a proper conversation tomorrow and get on the same page.

Original poster

Monstermoomin · 26/01/2023 15:46

@Swiftswatch @FlounderingFruitcake
I totally get what you are both saying and I'm glad he's wanting to ensure she's safe, but it was frustrating for there to be no discussion and imo she's too young to just be crying (I'm not judging those who do at this age but that's my opinion).

We briefly spoke about it and we seem to be on different wavelengths. I feel she needs to be picked up if she's crying and check she's not hungry, wet nappy, too hot/cold, and because sometimes babies just want comfort and I think that's okay etc. He seems to think that she needs a blanket over her to stop her arms from startling her awake (she's been in sleeping bags since she was born) and basically just puts his hands in the cot to pat her whilst singing.

He was the one who ended up getting our eldest to start sleeping on her own at 9 months when I was back at work by letting her cry, he's always said it was like 30 minutes and she was fine, but with something he's said today I suspect that's not true. So I think this adds to him thinking he knows best.

He also tried to say he had to do that with our eldest because I couldn't cope with being with her from 7pm-7am and unable to leave to room (this did take its toll on my MH) I gently reminded him that I believe it was more that I was working when it was her bedtime and he was the one who didn't want to spend his evening in the room with her.

So it looks like we're not really any further on with this! And now I've got an overtired sad baby because he thought it was a good time to try it again for an afternoon nap without discussing again 🙄

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