I just feel sick and I don’t know why

[Tayloru]

Dc is nearly 8 months and is quite high needs, never been chilled however is smiley. Always wants to be on me and bad at sleeping day and night.
I am exhausted.
I barely get a minute to myself and if it is it’s to do chores or things that need doing.
DH works long hours in a stressful job and doesn’t help much with house stuff, and when is off work doesn’t take baby out as wants to stay in as it’s his day off so we rarely go out as a family unless it’s a big special day out so it’s rare.
I feel sick today, just like I’m trapped. I love my baby but I’m finding this so hard. What is this feeling I feel on the verge of a panic attack.

Hi @Tayloru. You are also working long hours in a stressful job - if you’re doing all the night stuff, that’s a 24 hour job with absolutely no respite!

You need to speak to your DH. He can take the baby out - at 8 months, they can go hours without breastfeeding (if that’s how you feed) and can be entertained in a cafe with some carrot puffs for ages.

And when’s your day off?

You know this is hugely unequal. Your DH needs to share house stuff (chores/cooking) and looking after baby when he’s working. Who gives a flying fig if his job is ‘stressful’ - so is looking after a tiny baby!

My DD is nearly 9 months but the past 3 months have been shite for sleep so I have lots of sympathy.

I think you’re feeling sick because you’re on the edge of an anxiety attack (rather than panic attack). I’ve had them before; it’s more prolonged than a panic attack with different symptoms. I felt sick (and was sick, in public!) and felt a sense of dread and unease, couldn’t focus on anything but my own worries. Mine came about because I was absolutely burned out and had lots going on in life, a few years back. Could this be your problem too? Being sole carer for a baby for 8 months who doesn’t sleep well is more than enough to burn you out.

I think you should tell your DH you’re having some time to yourself, 2/3x a week in the evening when he’s back from work, and some time on the weekends too. You can put baby to bed and go out for a walk with a podcast maybe, or on the weekends you can lie in bed and the rule is, he HAS to take the baby out for 3 hours minimum.

Btw what helped for me when I had anxiety attacks the first time was counselling and Sertraline. They soon went away once I managed my mental health better. I got it again after my baby was born so BOOM, back on some antidepressants for anxiety and now I can cope. There’s no shame in speaking to your HV or GP (that’s what I did). But ultimately you need to improve your situation and I think that starts with telling your DH you desperately need him to step up and stop acting like he’s Richard f*ing Branson and he couldn’t possibly change a nappy or rock your baby to sleep for one night. Best of luck 💐

Absolutely agree with @moonseas

I got to a point like this, I was doing everything also.

I broke down one night and said I couldn't do it anymore, DP shit himself.
We organised a 'rota' so to speak as to who's doing what and when.
So, I'd do weekday nights, he'd do the weekend.
Alternated nights for cooking and dishes.
Shared the cleaning out so that one room was done a day.

And I felt so much better. You need to speak up, lesson learnt from myself.

Regarding days out, you need to plan these in. It doesn't have to be a massive day out, brunch, lunch, dinner out.
Out for a coffee and slice of cake etc.
This isn't going to exhaust his day anymore than lazing around.
The more you don't do something the more tired you become I think. Getting out helps a lot of things.

He knows what he’s doing. When men sit back and watch their partner struggle and exhausted, it’s a form of abuse.
Are you going back to work? Do you get support from anyone else? (I’m guessing not) xx

You're right. You're too stressed. Do anything you can to relax. Leave the housework. Relax or sleep when baby sleeps.
If you continue this way you might actually have a panic attack and develop an anxiety disorder. Trust me. You don't want that.

I know your other thread.

Listen to your gut and leave. Free yourself from that awful man.