I can't tell DS I love him

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Me and DP are both very affectionate towards DS (nearly 18 months), play with him lots, both spend a lot of time with him, read with him, talk to him, lots of cuddles, kisses, etc. But we never tell him we love him. My parents have never said it to me either - I know they do love me from their actions, they've just never said the words, I think they're just quite reserved about showing their emotions. I think DP's parents are similar.

I've always been quite shy and not confident in myself and don't want DS to be like this. But I find it very difficult to express emotions in words IYKWIM. I tried to tell him I love him this morning before he went to nursery because I've been thinking about it a lot but I felt really self-conscious saying it and DP looked at me oddly because it was unusual for me. I see people who say 'love you' almost routinely whenever they come off the phone to their mum or whoever and it just seems so natural, so why do I have such a problem with it?

I love DS and DP to bits and want to be able to tell them - does anyone have similar experience or am I just odd?

When I first had my son I could never say I Love You. I would always say Mummy loves you. Now, I can say I love you but it did take time. Not sure why. I had PND and no one had ever said they loved me before and meant it (except DH!) so maybe that was it.

I had similar probs saying this to dcs. From cliched family history, it made me feel very vulnerable. The only way out of it is to ...
say it. And then again. Perhaps at bedtime first, so it's just you and ds, then when you're more relaxed saying it, at other times. He's only little, so he'll probably just smile and say it back, at which point if you're like me you'll blub.

Love your name, btw ... 'but I haven't got a stitch to wear'.

Well I do think actions are louder than words and your actions are great. I got more confidence with my 2nd children to talk soppy in public. If you really want to (there's no rule to say you must) why not start with 'good night love you' at bed time?
As for your dh sayt it in a valentines card next week - good first step.

Sounds like you are a 'still waters run deep type of family'.

I'm much the same but I do tell my dc I love them very often.

Do try even if it feels a bit funny at first. Maybe have ds in bed for a story/ a cuddle/ a tickle then whisper in his hear that Mummy and daddy love him sooooo much. My dc make it a game about how big how far etc they love us.

Have you read 'Guess how much I love you' with him? That might help, it's a sweet little story.

I don't remember my parents saying it directly to me very often, even though I know they do of course. I think that's why I make a point of saying it to mine now as often as I can.

You can feel loved without it being said all the time it's true, but I think it's even nicer to actually say it and when they say it back...well it's gorgeous, no other feeling like it

My parents were similar. Then I remember my little sister suddenly saying 'Love you Ma' whenever she left the house (early teens) and we all started doing it. It felt kind of artificial at first, but not any more.

I tell my DCs I love them all the bloody time. Probably too much - I hope I haven't devalued it for them!!

On a slight tangent I remember that I didn't kiss DD for at least 24 hours after the birth...I don't think it had really sunk in that she was mine to kiss iykwim.

I have never told my dad I love him, now its become this massive THING that I find impossible to do, because he's shy and undemonstrative and I don't want to embarass him!

So I do say I love you to my children, even though it felt weird at first because my family never said it and still don't.

Fake it till you make it.
say it and gradually you will get over being self concious.
I was a bit like that as my family never said it. But then my dad died and he tried to say it to me in those last few days and i felt so sad for him. He clearly had allowed his inhibition to choose and i can't help feelingthat he lost out.
I say it to my kids all the time and they say it back - naturally , easily , and i think that is so great.
If you are uncomfortable just remember which is more important , you feeling self concious or your child hearing from you that you love them. Cheat a bit as well at first if you must - say things about how gorgeous they are and how much fun you are having with them and how much you miss them and the next bit will come more easily.

I was like this and dd was over 2 before I started with 'mummy loves you' at bedtime. It still doesn't really roll off my tongue and I've never said it with anyone else there - even dh. It definitely gets easier with practice.