8 month old pushes me away

[pzyck]

My daughter is very sensitive (emotionally and physically), and so it doesn't take a lot to dysregulate her. Since she started crawling, as you can imagine she takes several little knocks throughout the day as she's learning to maneuver - result in crying. Wind in the night? Crying. You get the picture.

When I try to comfort her though (pick her up/hug her/any physical touch/sing to her/etc), unless it's offering the boob (which isn't a 100% success rate but it's usually close), she will physically push away from me and get more upset if I persist, but then if I stop she'll just stare at me crying as if to say "why aren't you doing anything?".

I'm aware that my feelings about this are very much a 'me' issue. I used to receive the silent treatment a lot when I was a child and needed comfort. I really have done my best to be a (what some people would call overly) responsive parent and let her know she is safe because I've not wanted to make her feel like I used to, but the situation she puts me in is making me feel both anxious and resentful. We co-sleep, I cuddle her for naps, I'm affectionate when we're playing, but especially in the last maybe 4-6 weeks, the way she responds to me when she appears to most need me has ground me down.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what to do when she's being like this? I'm sure the fact I'm getting stressed about it isn't helping but I'm in a vicious cycle with it. (And I'm more talking about the days when I'm at home alone with her and my partner is at work).

[Wfhandbored]

It's more of a you issue like you say but doesn't make it invalid! She's just frustrated and doesn't know what she wants, and sadly this goes on for a long old time! Our nearly 2yo still goes it too and I imagine we're nowhere near it stopping. Sadly little ones don't run on logic and reasoning like we do so although it's hard, you just have to accept that she's doing it. Be there when she's ready for comfort, let her be when she doesn't want it... it's just hard to tell which is right at the time!

[Tina8800]

I understand your feelings, and they definitely not invalid. However, babies also need to learn some self calming and self comforting a little bit. I know it is frustrating when they cry and nothing helps, but as my husband says "sometimes babies just need to cry it out". My baby often pushes me away, especially now (12 months) when only daddy can comfort her. How is she with your partner?

[SalviaOfficinalis]

My DS was like this - he was just not a cuddly baby at all. Similar in that he cried a lot in general, and would push us away.

Happy to report that at about 18 months he started getting a bit cuddly and he is now a very cuddly toddler.

[pzyck]

I wouldn't feel so triggered if she continued to cry as I held her, but her physically trying to get away from me makes me feel like it's not that I'm not what she wants, but I'm what she explicitly doesn't want, and that small but distinct difference breaks my heart. I'm okay with not being able to make everything right for her because that is and always will be life, but to express increased distress by my attempt to comfort her has had me in tears this morning.

@Tina8800 She is more calm with my partner, she smiles at him when he walks in the room whereas with me, she'll often look at me and start crying, even if she's just been having a nice time with her dad.

It makes me feel like a bad mum even though I do my absolute best.

[FictionalCharacter]

One of mine went through a phase of pushing me away. It’s honestly not as significant as you think. It isn’t really that you are explicitly what she doesn’t want - well it is in the moment when she’s upset, confused and generally a pissed off baby - but it isn’t a general rejection of you.
At 8mo she’s developing quickly, her little brain is making millions of new connections every day, she can’t keep up with all the sensations and feelings and she doesn’t know what to do about it. And Mum can’t always fix it. So hurtful though it is for you, she’ll reject your attempts at comforting her in the moment, simply because it doesn’t work for her at the time. Sometimes nothing does!
Mine screamed if you picked her up, screamed if you held her, screamed if you put her down, screamed if you put her in another room, or tried distractions like music, or tried silence….. it was horrendous. It passed. She became an extremely independent child who always wanted to do things herself, which is probably part of it.
Your dd might well suddenly stop doing this, then start a whole new version of it when she’s a toddler. It’s her (though she can’t help it), not you, and it has no implications for your relationship with her when she’s older.

[pzyck]

@FictionalCharacter Thank you for this <3

[LegoGoldenDragon]

My niece resisted being hugged or sat on someone's lap as soon as she was mobile enough to escape. She is now a completely normal teenager that still isn't particularly huggy. Seems very normal to me that your child can now move by herself, so wants to explore that. Enjoy the sleep cuddles.

[ConnorG23]

Hi I’m seeking some advice on a situation I’m completely lost. I’m the father of an 8 month old and me and the mother live together and happily I usually put my son down to bed every night like I have for the past 8 months, every time my partner tries to put him down to sleep he will scream and push her away and scream himself to the point that he throws up. I don’t know why he refuses her, he wants to be around me all the time, always wants to be help by me and fed by me. He doesn’t let his mum do anything apart from play with him and make his meals, I’m completely lost in what to do in this situation as I’ve just started a new job working nights. I’m concerned the mother will start feeling unwanted and unloved by him causing depression please can someone help

[sittingingold]

@ConnorG23 has it always been this way?
If not I'd say it was a phase and try and enjoy being 'the favoured one' as it often changes.

[ConnorG23]

@sittingingold

@ConnorG23 has it always been this way?
If not I'd say it was a phase and try and enjoy being 'the favoured one' as it often changes.

I never thought about that, thank you it’s not always been this way only recently