Baby hates car seat

[AmyAW]

Sat here in tears in my coat, having spent two hours trying to get my one month old in to her car seat. Every time she goes in, there's screaming within minutes, and that's before we've even left the house.

I live rurally and feel so, so trapped. She hates her pram too. We've been told she might have silent reflux, which could be exacerbating it.

I just don't know what to do. She was fine until two weeks ago. If I keep forcing her will I be reinforcing that the car seat is scary? I feel utterly trapped and so alone, but can't bring myself to put her in the seat if she hates it so much.

I went through the exact same with my little boy. He despised the car seat, no reflux, just hated it. He has a very shrill cry (every medical professional asked "is that his normal cry?" - think a very high pitched constant squeal)
Things I tried were 2 new car seats (wouldn't waste your money!) mirrors, I got one that like flashed and sang, music, white noise, we practice minimal screen time but I also tried putting programmes on a safely mounted tablet. My partner sat in the back with him but it didn't help either. He did just grow out of it one day, it was very weird. The only thing I didn't try was baby in the front with the airbag off, that would have personally been too distracting for me. And I have never forward faced as I believe it's much safer to rear face.
The only advice I can offer is a short amount of crying won't hurt them, I know it is sooo hard to focus but if you can, go anyway. I never let my boy cry it out and it went against every single instinct, but getting out does wonders for your mental health. Secondly, if your just wanting company make people come to you. Thirdly, it ends - my little boy around 6 months just stopped crying. He now chats happily and goes to sleep if it's nap time.
Maybe try the few things that I tried, as that's all the advice I was offered when I was in your situation.
I hope it improves for you soon! X

Also, if your just wanting to get out, invest in a really good baby carrier if you can - I got a Tula Free to Grow, but a nice walk with the baby in the carrier may also be an option if your feeling trapped. I just strolled the streets with my boy in his carrier loads so that may provide a little more freedom x

I feel for you. DS also screamed his head off in the car seat and the pram as a newborn. Sling worked for us more (although he’d sometimes scream in that as well), but obviously if you are remote you might have to use the car. Im afraid the only thing that made a difference for us was time. DS would sleep in the car from maybe 4 or 5 months and was happier awake in the car at maybe 6 or 7 months.

It passes. My second was like this too. If you need to go out then go out, the baby will be OK. X

I don’t know what your plans were but couldn’t you have got there and back in those 2 hours instead of both of you getting upset in the hallway? Mine didn’t like their carseats and hated being manhandled more, but would usually fall asleep after about 10 minutes of driving so it was worth persevering. I also found they did better in a fixed birth to toddler seat because it was a little more upright than the baby carrier, especially DC2 who had reflux.

You might find once she's in the car and it's moving, she stops. Get everything else ready, the car running, then straight in and go. It worked for me.

Agree with pp. Feed, change nappy, strap in, load up and drive! Loud-ish music in the car, and baby May drop off to sleep. If not, driving even a little way from home and stopping at a cafe or beauty spot near to home will do you the world of good x

Thanks all. I just can't face making her so upset but know I need to try.

It might sound silly, but if she cries in it will she be okay? Or am I building an association between the car seat and being upset?

It might sound silly, but if she cries in it will she be okay? Or am I building an association between the car seat and being upset?

DS adores the car now (has done since about 1ish) despite screaming in it none stop as a newborn. I therefore don’t think you are building negative associations, no.

I’m no expert but I really don’t think you’re building any bad associations by trying to get out of the house. When it’s not your first then you just have to get on with it because the eldest can’t be 2+ hours late to school! Small babies cry. Obviously we do what we can, but the idea of them never crying, ever, is completely unrealistic. Sometimes life means they have to wait a few minutes because mummy is driving, sibling needs the loo, they have to go in the pram to the shop as you’re out of nappies etc. When mum cares as much as you do about their wellbeing then they will be absolutely fine.

Yep our son hated the car seat tbh still does but hes better these days.i took out the newborn insert,put on a toy of some sort on the car seat handle,i took my white noise machine n played it in the car.....i tried to time car journeys wen hed been fed so he would go 2 sleep,its awful wen they cry in car but youve got 2 do it it will get a bit better

Oh 1 more thing dnt dress em in lots of layers in the car they r fine in an outfit with a blanket a coat or snowsuit dnt bother

Definitely dont worry about creating a negative association. My DD screamed in the car for the first few months and then all of a sudden it was like a switch was flipped from 6 months onwards - it was then the only place she would nap! Do whatever helps you to get through this stage, it can be so awful.

I think to some extent you are interpreting her crying as a more mature emotion than it can be at her age. She isn’t upset, she can’t hate things and I’m not sure she can associate things yet. She’s crying but she’s warm, fed and safe and you aren’t taking her anywhere against her best interests. Your job is to respond to her needs, not to ensure she never cries. She can cry sometimes and still be happy.

I have three DCs. All hated the car seat when they were tiny. No negative associations now. If you experiment, there may well be a special album/CD, or something, that they enjoy. One of mine used to stop crying for a crazy baby music CD. Another one stopped screaming for Coldplay 😕

Don’t feel trapped. The crying mustn’t stop you going out on short journeys. Chat brightly to your DD and get some music on. In the pram, don’t lie her flat if you’re concerned she might have reflux. Just keep walking briskly, and she will be fine. I’ve been there and can totally empathise. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks all. We did make it out for a short trip in the end. Our DD doesn't usually cry, which is lovely most of the time, but it does make it so much harder to then see her really howling as it's so out of character.

Some really useful advice here which I'm going to keep in mind for the longer 20m trip I need to do tomorrow....

I came on to ask the same. My little one is 4.5 months and once he hit 4 months decided to scream in the car. We’ve tried everything, I’ll sit in the back, sing, play, read, talk to him and nothing works apart from putting my boob in his mouth. He refuses to take a dummy, never has.
obviously driving alone I can’t sit in the back. He’s mega stressful to drive with, to the point we’ll both get home sobbing. He’ll be fine if you take him out the seat but as soon as he’s put back in the whole thing starts again. I know give myself anxiety about needing to go on the car.