How did you plan your age gap?

[Heyloooj]

DS turned 1 end of last November. We ideally would like the 2nd to arrive so that by the time I have to return to work DS has free nursery hours! As we have to have him in 4x days a week, and we can’t pay that twice!

I did get a worrying thought of what if it takes longer than planned. I was going to suggest to DH at the end of this year I come off my pill so that if I fell pregnant straight away DC2 would be born when DS is 2.5 yo so return to work would be fine regarding nursery fees

And if it takes longer it’s fine!

but the thought of coming off my pill this year is scary, and I feel guilt at the thought of a potentially shorter than 3 year age gap for some reason? But DS loves nursery and playing with other kids I’m sure he’d love a sibling when the day comes

how did you plan this? Because we’ve said “oh yeah this age gap” without realising that you have the trying and 9 months of pregnancy to factor in!! Lol

We ideally would like the 2nd to arrive so that by the time I have to return to work DS has free nursery hours!

We used the exact same reasoning.

The free hours started a month or 2 after DC1s 3rd birthday due to the dates. So wanted to be returning to work around September 24.
I would take a years mat leave so the earliest we would have started trying was the very end of last year.

It all sounds very calculated but with full time nursery in London you have to factor in finances.

In the end we weren’t quite ready in December and are just taking it month to month before we decide on another. At least we know we are in the ‘safe’ zone financially when we decide to go ahead.

When DC1 turned 1 I thought I would be ready to try by the time they were 18 months but it actually just came around so quickly!

@Swiftswatch Hey not calculated at all I completely get this! Like I say DS is in nurser 4 days a week we couldn’t afford paying that twice! I’d probably have to quit work

yeah when I looked at timings as DS is 30.11 , they start 1st of jan so he’ll be 3 year and 1 month!

It flies around especially when you factor in the time it takes to get there

2-ish years just seemed natural. The main planning was around the time of year I was hoping my 2nd would be born - I wanted a summer baby to avoid an extra year of nursery fees and could send her to school just after she turned 4.

Make sure you've understood how the free hours work so you don't get a nasty surprise if money really tight. Also check whether your nursery offers a sibling discount - DD's fees were reduced by 10% because she had an older sibling in nursery so that was useful.

I didn't plan an age gap.
I just did it when it felt right emotionally.

@notacooldad I mean emotionally I’d love one now! But I’ve got to wait financially :(

Both DH and I dislike the baby phase, so we went for a short age gap to get it out the way - DS will be 21 months when the next one arrives. If we go for a third we'll do the same again I think, though it will be eye watering in nursery fees. We're really lucky in that we can afford a bit of short term pain, as otherwise we'd definitely have had to leave it longer.

I’d definitely wait until oldest would get free hours. But you can’t plan these things too much or will be disappointed

Wanted a small age gap. Started TTC when DC1 was 10/11m old. Had multiple and back to back MC. Secondary infertility is a thing and you can't really plan for that or losses. Or the emotional toll.

DC1 will be 2.5 when DC2 arrives in a couple of months time. DC1 will start funding for nursery while I'm on Mat Leave before DC2 starts so that will help!

Honestly - we didn’t because of struggles conceiving. If it took as long the second time as it did the first, the age gap would have been upwards of 4 years.

Incidentally, DC2 was conceived pretty much immediately so we had under 2 years between them. I used annual and unpaid leave to delay my start to work until DC2 was 1y3m which is when DC1 free hours kicked in.

The guilt is intense, I cried for DC1 when I got the positive pregnancy test because I knew I’d be forcing them to grow up so quick. I also felt a lot of guilt when DC2 was 14-18 months and 2-2.5years because I could see on reflection I didn’t remember a lot of DC1 at those ages while I struggled to put each foot forward and get by. However, they are now older and have lots of similar interests and mutual friends which is amazing. They go through a lot of stages at similar times and learn from each other’s strength which I love

I did exactly this. Basically started trying about a year before we would've wanted the next baby to be born. I appreciate this is quite optimistic but it wasn't a huge thing if it took lots longer. Just didn't want it to happen quicker as, like you, we needed the free childcare to kick in. As it happened I got pregnant first try and the age gap is 2 years 10 months and was great.

We wanted a 3 year gap, not only because DS1 is full of energy (to say the least!) but also because I'd be able to afford to keep him in nursery when on ML.

But where DS is a winter baby we wanted a 3 and a quarter gap so we'd have a spring baby. It took about 3 months to fall pregnant so we now have a summer baby on the way. It's nice because we're already benefitting from the 30 free hours before DC2 comes along so putting some money away for the 6 month period that we have 2 in nursery!
Then DS will go to school.

I think those who have smaller gaps either have parental help, don't work or are worried about the clock ticking maybe?

@julz85 or sometimes those that want a small age gap just want a smaller age gap 😂 to get the baby stage out the way at the same time, to not have forgotten how hard it can be in the early days/months and have to start all over again years down the line, to not have to store baby things for years before having another baby, to reuse things like infant carseats before they expire, to hope they'll grow up close in age close in likes and close to each other....

So many reasons!

We did the same as you, ie timing with 'free hours' - although be warned its a good idea to find out how much this will actually cost. Our bill only went down by about 30%, so we'll struggle when DC2 starts.

I did a 4.5 year age gap and waited for older to start school. Even with the 30hours, there is usually still a cost to pay for nursery.

I also lived the baby/toddler stage and my mat leave so wanted to really enjoy life with 1 for a while, and i knew i didn't want to spend my 2nd mat leave with the older one all day every day as well as the new baby

It’s so thought because I am aware even with 30 free hours, there’s 14 weeks of the year we still pay for nursery for DS while he’s getting the free hours. So those weeks/months will be tough when another is in there full time

but I’m worried about potential set backs, like a long time conceiving etc.

But also aware if I came off my pill I could get pregnant next month (lucky)! I guess there’s pros and cons to it all

I guess you're right! Also those with no concerns over childcare costs, and those who have an oops moment ☺️

It apparently takes your body about 18 - 23 months to fully recover from a pregnancy to be in optimum condition for the next one. Also DD didn't sleep well (or at all) and I'd just started a new job so we started ttc again when DD was 2.5. I had two miscarriages and then just didn't fall pregnant for ages so have ended up with an age gap of almost five years.

Ideally we wanted a 3 year age gap, as the first would be more independent by 3 and also we'd get free hours.

It took around 18months to conceive our first. We factored that in and started trying just after our first turned one. Ended up conceiving pretty quickly and had a 22 month age gap.

I found the age gap a bit too small, and if I was to have to make the decision again id wait until my first was 2years for trying and risk ending up with a 4-5 year gap.

I wanted a 3-4 year gap partly so DS would be in school by the time my maternity finished and therefore only one in nursery, and partly so he was a bit more independent/sensible ( I saw friends with two year gaps couldn't leave them in the same room alone even to go to the loo).

We originally thought about 3/4 years but DD had just turned 1 when my consultant said if we wanted another we needed to try straight away. Had a miscarriage when she was 18 months. Pregnant again 8 months later, DS was born a couple of months before she was 3. We ended up with a gap not much shorter than what we'd wanted but not due to our planning!

I really felt like I’d just been pregnant 5 seconds ago for so long and wanted around a 2 year age gap, which sounds so long before you’re actually pregnant and then have a baby, the time goes in so fast! When he turned a year I came off the pill and got pregnant 3/4 months later (4th cycle), there will be exactly 2 years between them. Obviously the downside is now their birthdays will be only about a week apart 🙈 I felt like I had so many other months I wanted to miss though so couldn’t stop ttc for that one month. I’m a Christmas baby so didn’t want December (or even really November), didn’t want January, February where I stay is youngest in the school year so wanted to avoid that if I could and March I thought there’s a chance they could arrive early so that blocked off about half the year 😂 When we got to the 4th cycle I said to my husband we only have a few shots left and we’ll be nearing a Christmas birthday!

I think just don’t start trying until a month when you’d genuinely be pleased if it happened. It took us a similar amount of time as the first time so I sort of factored that in. You really don’t know what it will be like until it’s happening so I’m just going for it and il find out when I get to august 😂

August born dd1- second dd came along in the November my eldest was 3, which meant I had mat leave in her last year before school. August born meant I could settle her in school the first month before returning to work. Don’t think that would have worked as well had I not had a summer born first child.
Also I know myself, couldn’t have handled 2 under 2- even though long term I think it’s better- at 3 my eldest was communicative and had enough independence where I could cope with a newborn.

We didn't. It just happened. Contraception failure.

We wanted about 3 1/2 year gap. We decided what was the youngest gap we cld cope with which was a bit over 2. It took 10 months to get pregnant with our first room 2 months with second so we have 2 1/2 yr gap. Now they are 3 and 5 it's actually an excellent age gap, they both like similar things and activities. Youngest also now old enough to coke to cinema and other things that my eldest enjoys.