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Help I gave birth to a selfish sod now 8 years

5 replies

happycat · 04/12/2004 22:11

Help I am my wits end and I do not know what to do.Now I don't expect great things from my son really and I don't expect him to be a caring sharing complete child but I do expect him to show some consideration for others and I don't think 8 years old is too young to expect it.He wakes his brother up constantly,he couldn't give a monkey if he breaks on of his toys.If I am upset because he has not done as he is told or he has broken one of my things he shows no emotion and just stands there.I have a six year old who cares for others already and is really tuned in to others feelings and can talk about his own.I have treated them both the same but just can't conect with him? What can I do I am my witz end now

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
jupiter · 16/12/2004 10:10

Have you tried a behaviour chart?

Maybe he is feeling a little left out as he has younger baby in the house.

I have three ranging from 8 to baby.

We have a chart on the wall for the older two. We have job lists so that they can start to take some responsibility for earning pocket money and also have a space at the bottom which reads "tv and playstation". If they end up with 5 naughty spots in that box then they lose their priviledge of tv/ps for a week.

They then realise that there are consequences to their actions - bear with it it really works.

We have things on the chart such as "respect, attitude, no shouting screaming aruguing etc." then we have things such as "pack school bag, empty lunch boxes, tidy bedrooms" they then get a dot in each of those as and when they are done, they can then see progress in good behaviour.

Their favourite is the "merit" points, if they get 5 merit points they then get a suprise, something they might like such as a new book etc.

We keep sweetie day to a Friday, not allowed them through the rest of the week, if they are naughty(as in built enough naughty points on the chart) they lose sweetie day or pocket money depending on severity.

It will only take a couple of weeks for the child to realise that they are causing the pain to themselves with loss of things they enjoy.

Try it it works!!!

Festivepussy · 16/12/2004 10:18

I have a daughter thats the same, she is so so so so selfish and uncaring towards others it is scary. So I know how you feel.
I cannot change her, as you cannot change your son so cannot offer any advice, just sympathy

paolosgirl · 16/12/2004 10:59

I too have a son like this. I've also tried the behaviour chart, and didn't really see any benefit for ds. It worked a treat for dd, but then she is a very different story. I think star/behaviour charts assume that the child is acually bothered by getting a reward or whatever. My ds couldn't really give monkeys, and I completely identify with your comment about not connecting. I'm sorry that I can't really offer anything more than sympathy, as I'm at my wits end too with mine for exactly the same reason. I suppose it's just a case of keeping ignoring the bad, rewarding the good blah blah blah, and hoping that in the end all the hard work you put in now will pay off at some point. Good luck.

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PaRumPumPumScum · 16/12/2004 11:30

Do any of you guys having problems get much one to one time with your kids? It can be hard to organise, I know. But sometimes it can be an eyeopener seeing how much better they behave one on one, when they get that chance to bask in your 100% attention with no sibs around to butt in and be comparatively charming. Worth a try?

paolosgirl · 16/12/2004 11:34

Yes, we do the one to one - I've been through many years of family centres, HV's, psychologists and parenting classes with ds. There isn't much we don't know/have tried! One particularly astute HV pointed out that it may just be the way he is. We love him dearly though

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