Baby Sleep Advice…

[Bossa09]

I’m really struggling at the moment with my DD who is 10.5 months. In hindsight, I’ve caused this myself and have no one else to blame. She’s my first child. I didn’t even try let her self soothe earlier on. I always let her fall asleep beside me and moved her into her cot, same for naps.

I started a thread a couple of months ago as she was waking 5-6 times per night. She was still in my bedroom but I’d moved her for further away from me. Teething? Separation anxiety? Dark nights? Who knows. I moved her cot back to beside my bed which worked for 2 nights.
After this and very sleep deprived, we began to co-sleep, it got to the point I couldn’t even remember lifting her into my bed but in my slumber I made sure everything was moved and it was safe. Now she won’t sleep in her cot at all.

As much as I love cuddles and I do really relish them, this is no good for both of us.
The Ferber method was recommended. We tried it for 2 nights but she was Inconsolable.

I’m thinking of just taking the plunge and moving her cot into her own room and trying as much as I can to settle her there or create a new routine.

I feel so silly, and well aware I’ve created these issues. But has anyone been in the same position? Or can offer any advice?

*I should mention she fights naps too. We might get 1 short nap each day (20 mins) but sometimes nothing at all.

Please please please stop saying you've caused this yourself. Some babies are shit sleepers. They just are. If yours was one of those who can go over by themselves and then sleep for a long stretch you just wouldn't be where you are - you would never have needed to take the steps you've taken.

My eldest went from waking every 2 hours in our room one night to sleeping through in her room the next night, so it's worth a try. You just don't know. Moving made no difference for my youngest (who was a great sleeper as a baby and now is shit as a toddler).

Oh just noticed the naps. That may well be your problem.

At that age I think they need two naps - a short one in the morning and a long one at lunchtime. Make them happen by any means necessary - on you, in the pram, in the car, whatever works. Nothing worse than an overtired baby.

Thank you @JenniferBarkley
I let her nap for an hour 11-12 last week and she didn’t go down until 8:30pm. Then she slept 2 hours with my MIL and didn’t go down until 9:30pm. Whilst they’re big naps, usually with me a 20 minute nap or sometimes falls asleep in the pram and she won’t go down again until she decides she’s tired at night! We’re going to try moving her cot this week, so here’s hoping it’ll make some difference to her sleep!

I don't really have advice as my 7 month old is the same and we are co sleeping which I never wanted...but I need sleep, and I'm back to work next month and really wanted this sorted but needs must.

It's not your fault though. Society pressures mothers so much to have babies that sleep through the night, in their own room at 6 months...babies aren't designed for that. Some babies will, a lot don't.
Culture is designed like that so mothers can get on and do more, work more, provide more...and it's wrong.
I don't believe in sleep training, it's so unfair for the baby...but helping them self soothe is a good idea, by being there for them whilst they are getting used to the cot etc.
don't feel any pressure because your situation doesn't fit cultural expectations x

It's completely normal for babies to need support to sleep. There's a reason why 'teaching your baby to sleep' involves crying. So stop blaming yourself for doing what millions of other parents - including me - do every day.

With that out of the way, no nap/one twenty minute nap is nowhere near enough for a 10mo. I have a low sleep needs 10mo who still gets 1.5hrs sleep a day. What are you doing to get them to sleep in the day?

Thanks for the support, it’s appreciated. I went back to work when she was 7 months and issues arised then but at the time darker nights crept in and she has been teething.
Currently putting her down for a nap. She’s fine to cuddle her comforter and fall asleep as long as I’m beside her. I’ll then move her into her cot - hoping she stays asleep

I think the issue with naps is there’s no specific routine she has grandparents looking after her while I’m at work. One GP looks after her at my house so could do what I do, but usually keeps her downstairs for naps, if DD shows signs of being sleepy but doesn’t put her down for a nap if she doesn’t. The other has her at their house, says she doesn’t nap longer than 20 mins, if at all. As far as I’m aware it’s in the living room too.

I think the issue with naps is there’s no specific routine she has grandparents looking after her while I’m at work. One GP looks after her at my house so could do what I do, but usually keeps her downstairs for naps, if DD shows signs of being sleepy but doesn’t put her down for a nap if she doesn’t. The other has her at their house, says she doesn’t nap longer than 20 mins, if at all. As far as I’m aware it’s in the living room too.

This is the problem. It's lovely that the grandparents are taking care of baby while you're at work, but just as babies need to eat, they also need to nap. And if she's anything like my baby she'll need coercing. If my baby had his own way he wouldn't sleep at all, but I know he copes best on two naps so I pop him in the pram twice a day (appreciate you can't do this at work but you need to figure out a way with GPS).

Moving her into her own room isn't going to make a difference if she's waking up due to overtiredness from lack of sleep in the day.

@7upandup I’m the same as you, never planned to co-sleep. We went through periods of bad sleep but when I went back to work this started & co-sleeping was the only way to get through it.
Merely clinging onto the idea that it’s all just a phase