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Original poster

Advice please! DS’ sex ed (Primary)

17 replies

MyriadofDreams · 21/01/2023 22:23

Feeling a bit uneasy about this- hoping for some perspective from you wise mumsnetters!

My DS (8) is autistic but attends a mainstream school. I read his termly newsletter from school the other day which details what they’re learning about in each curricular area, and under health and wellbeing it said they are learning about human life, pregnancy and birth. We are in Scotland and the schools here use the RSHP curriculum. When I went onto the rshp website and looked at this unit, it had a PowerPoint to be used by teachers detailing how a woman gets pregnant, diagrams of the female and male reproductive anatomy and a diagram of a full term baby preparing to be born. Details of how the baby grows and is born via the vagina. The lesson describes factually how a man and woman have sex- a man puts his penis into a woman’s vagina and his sperm enters the woman’s womb and meets her egg. Next to this is a picture of a man and woman clearly naked but covered by a duvet hugging each other in bed.

Of course all of this is completely natural but my immediate reaction to this is isn’t 8 a bit young for this level of detail? Traditionally if I’m correct this was taught at age 10 or 11 in schools- do 8 year olds need to be taught about sex in school? I guess I’m wondering if I’m being a bit precious because this is my child and it feels a bit ‘grown up’?

Also am a bit upset as the school didn’t reach out to us to make us aware of the specific content of the unit, or when the specific lesson/s were going to be taught. if someone had missed that on the newsletter they may not have known and got to discuss it prior to the lesson at school. I think I will contact the teacher and ask when they are having these lessons and then can think about how to approach this with my son- his autism causes him to think in a very black and white manner and he sometimes comes out with inappropriate comments. Sorry for the huge post!

OP posts:

strawberrie · 21/01/2023 22:28

Is your son P4?

Original poster

MyriadofDreams · 21/01/2023 22:34

Hi, yes P4 x

OP posts:

margegunderson · 21/01/2023 22:42

From memory they're taught that level of detail at a similar age in the UK - factual, doesn't dwell on it. Tbh at that age you'll get kids who already know either because their parents have gently built on the info they've given year on year or because they've got older siblings or cousins. In my opinion if it comes as a surprise in sex Ed the parents aren't doing their job right. There's a great picture book called Mummy Laid An Egg which gives the basics in a very funny and straightforward way I'd recommend if you can lay hands on it.

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bagsofbats · 21/01/2023 22:57

I never 'waited' to tell my children about sex, babies etc I answered their questions as they came up which meant they started school knowing how babies were made and born. 8 isn't too young, why aren't you talking to your kids about this?

Icecreamandapplepie · 21/01/2023 23:00

We have waited until questions are asked as a pp says.

They haven't questioned in this much detail yet, so ours don't know to this degree either.

I think 9 or 10 is a better age than 8 to learn the ins and outs (aherm) of sex...

Waffle · 21/01/2023 23:03

While I agree that we should be talking to kids about this at an age appropriate way all through life I would be really careful with the Scottish health education.

My DD missed P4 stuff due to covid but the p5 lessons were incredibly graphic. I didn't keep her out because I thought we had spoken enough ourselves and that she would be ok, she now can't stop worrying about puberty and is on edge a lot about her period despite me trying so hard to normalise it all for her. I'm pulling her out of the health classes this year and not letting my younger one be part of it either.

For P5 there was one naked picture of a men compared to 2 or 3 of women, with different angles... it just felt horrible to me and I wish I'd listened to my instincts then.

They do not need to know that much detail at such a young age.

ChildminderMum · 21/01/2023 23:05

I think 8 year olds should know where babies come from. You should explain to him yourself or else he will pick up nonsense in the playground.

BergamotandLime · 21/01/2023 23:09

That's interesting @Waffle - my DD is in P5 so expecting sex ed soon but she's a worrier. I think I need to preempt it and maybe think about withdrawing her.

Waffle · 21/01/2023 23:15

I honestly wish I had withdrawn her when I had that gut instinct. I thought she would be ok, she is a worrier but she wants to be a doctor and is totally not squeamish about anything, so I thought she would take it in her stride.

I think the information, plus the graphics, and the whole class together so the boys making comments... it really got to her.

snowtrees · 21/01/2023 23:17

Earlier the better. Plenty of girls start periods at 9-10

Lavender14 · 21/01/2023 23:19

I think the recommendation now is to be very factual with children from an earlier age so they understand the process and actually can better safeguard themselves from abuse as a result because they are more informed. If you're worried I'd ask to meet with the teacher who will be delivering the session to just talk about how it will cater to your son - could be that he gets the same session as everyone else but maybe there's a one to one after to check in that he understands everything in the way it was meant to be understood? Knowing when he's going to have the session would also allow you to have a conversation with him before to prepare him and after to check in if he has questions he maybe didn't want too ask at the time or has thought about later.

Original poster

MyriadofDreams · 21/01/2023 23:28

So sorry to hear about your daughter’s experience, Waffle. I hope she is not put off her ambitions.

Thank you for the responses. I appreciate the different opinions and it’s always good for a mix in order to develop perspective. As I have already stated, my DS is autistic and is very fixed on Roblox, football and birdwatching. Of course if he approached me with questions I would try to talk to him but he hasn’t yet. And that’s ok. All children are different.

Another important point I was alluding to was that schools need to communicate properly to parents when delivering sex ed.

OP posts:

Lcb123 · 21/01/2023 23:45

Better they get clear facts in class than gossip in playground. If you have specific concerns about your child then talk to their teacher

Original poster

MyriadofDreams · 21/01/2023 23:46

Thank you Lavender, that is a really helpful and thoughtful post. Asking to clarify with him afterwards is a good idea, I will ask them that.

OP posts:

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 22/01/2023 07:34

margegunderson · 21/01/2023 22:42

Off topic, but Scotland is in the UK! (Still...).

As for appropriate age for sex Ed. What OP is describing sounds rather like what my dc started studying in KS2 - some of the more detailed stuff op describes was covered in Y5 (age 9/10).

Michellebops · 22/01/2023 09:48

I'm in Scotland with a P3 girl.

They got some basics last year with the correct names for their body parts etc.

I remember some of the p4/p5 mums kicking up hell though saying we weren't informed of the content but we were in a link.

I agree 8 is young for a full lesson in sex (I'm sure we were section 6 in first year biology) 😂

JacksPottedPepper · 22/01/2023 09:53

The Mummy Laid an Egg book is very sweet and factual without being too in your face. This is a YouTube video of the book. Mine had this from being about 3 or 4 I think so it was just something they knew.

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